Drew's Blog

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September 30, 2004

Kerry won!

I think that it's fair to say that I've been "freaking out" all day.

First my craptastic, unfit to serve, terrible, terrible congressman Jack Quinn voted in favor of the FMA. I never liked him. Now I hate him.

Then my Arkansas congressman (I have two) (I'm special!) led the charge to bring handguns back to DC. Brilliant move dumbass. I could barely walk to my car as it was. (It's true. Some Democrats suck.)

But that's all ok because Kerry laid the SMACKDOWN on George W. It was beautiful. Bush looked grumpy and irritated. Kerry looked like a president. Karl "it's not a lie if it's . . . wait . . it's a lie" Rove will try to spin it another way, but he can't. Kerry won. Weee!

I'm so happy I could drink this beer sitting right here in front of me. Now that you mention it . . .

Posted by Drew at 10:11 PM | Comments (22) | TrackBack

September 29, 2004

Now that's why you pay more for private school!

From the Washington Post. Apparently the third, fourth, and fifth graders at Alexandria Country Day School were served booze at lunch by mistake.

It was tequila and margarita mix, to be precise, left in the refrigerator in a pitcher and mistaken for limeade by kitchen staff, who poured it into small cups and served it to children as a lunch treat, he wrote.

Some youngsters didn't like the smell and declined; others took a sip and declared it "gross," according to parents and Harvey.

An administrator who realized something was wrong started investigating, Harvey said, and quickly discovered that the limeade was really liquor -- although it is unclear why the kitchen staff didn't notice. It had been left over, he said, from a party two days earlier at the school for the staff, faculty and Board of Trustees.

At our school, it's the kids who would accidentialy serve us the liquor. Or at least we can hope.

Posted by Drew at 10:22 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack

WWWND?

Last week was Wendy Kopp Week. This week is clearly bizzaro-Wendy Kopp Week. Whenever I find a free minute, I ask myself "What would Wendy Kopp not do?" Then I do it.

Among the actions I think Wendy would disapprove of (and for which she would no doubt make me her ho):
- using TFA lists for political fundraising purposes
- advising first year teachers to skip school and go see "A Dirty Shame"
- deciding not to get a teaching licence because the paperwork has too many questions
- confiscating sex bracelets from kids who don't even go to our school
- handing out lesbian sex bracelets to kids who do go to our school
- reading NYT online instead of teaching children to read
- repeatedly telling others "but my kids can't learn"
- grain alcohol + lunch break = hilarious!!
- watching liberal propoganda after school instead of, I don't know, loving education
- explaining why The Passion of the Christ isn't any good without actually seeing

Next week I'm going to get back on the teaching wagon. I swear! Unless, you know, it's boring.

Posted by Drew at 10:06 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack

September 28, 2004

Nothing Personal

Awesome ads. Marilyn Musgrave is the House Sponsor of the FMA.

In my quest to restore civility to political discourse, I will say only that she is the Whore of Babylon and, also, a total bitch who no doubt slept her way to the top. But I'm sure she means well.

Posted by Drew at 07:35 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack

Smackdown!

Today in class I returned to my typical agenda: turning all of my students in rabid politicos dedicated to defeating Bush and his bloodthirsty minions at any cost. Also, underlining the subject once and the predicate twice. Always twice, man, always twice.

Anyway, when I offered a bonus question "What is happening this Thursday that Mr. Courtney thinks you should watch?" I recieved an answer I could hardly count as wrong: Smackdown.

True, the student is question was refering to WWF Smackdown which I also(?) really want all my students to watch, but in my head the answer made total sense. This Thursday will be the first presidential debate, and a smackdown it shall be.

Everyone says that Bush is actually a skilled debater, but I really think that's just because in the past we've been shocked that he's managed to avoid drooling on himself (Confidential to "Satan" -- If he drools on himself I will totally sacrifice some virgins in your honor*.) Thanks to Bush's four year refriain of "I may have sent your children to die in a meaningless war, but, hey, I make good barbeque" I feel that this lowball gambit is all used up. C'mon Horse-faced, patrician John Kerry! Git a little swagger of yer own!

Anyway, as my contribution to this momentous event in which Kerry will metaphorically bash in the President's head with a folding chair while wearing only a speedo and aviator sunglasses, I would like to suggest a line of attack: Mr. Bush, if you're such a great President, why can't you speak while Dick Cheney drinks this glass of water!?!

Ok, that's pathetic (although then again . . . .) The real purpose of this post is to point out my jizz-tastic suggested line on the DailyKos. (Please ignore the horrible typo.)Wait, does this make me a giant loser. Shit.

I'd like to invite you to kick ass and take names while the kicking is good.

* - Confidential to "Jesus" -- I'm just joking.**

** - Confidential to "Satan" -- No, I'm not.

Posted by Drew at 06:43 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack

September 27, 2004

Required Reading

I do feel compelled to point out two articles:

1) The Washington Post series about growing up gay in Oklahoma. It's sad. (And not just for the terrible poetry.)
2) The NYT on the 4 year old painting prodigy. She's adorable!

Posted by Drew at 10:58 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack

Sarah and Rob v. The Mighty Mississippi

I can only say that having guests in town is nothing short of a true delight.

Sarah and Rob came to school today to check out my seventh period class which made all the sixth graders nervous and well behaved. For that alone I would be grateful for their presence, but that would barely hint at the fun we've had.

After school we took a trip to Helena (Hell-town to its friends) where I intended to show them the Mississippi river. Sadly, I have no idea how to get anywhere, so we ended up driving my Camry up the side of a levee and onto the dirt road at the top which we proceeded to follow for several miles in the wrong direction. Although a good time was had by all, one thing became apparent: the shocks on a Toyota leave something to be desired.

Eventually though, we did find the river, where I took this picture and we marveled at the speed at which the current moves. It's fast.

Searching out dinner, I thought, hey, Arkansas may be cool, but nothing beats the high class values of Mississippi. So off we went to Ground Zero, the juke-joint in Clarksdale which is owned by Morgan Freeman and which just happens to be closed on Monday nights. Welcome to the delta.

Needless to say, we were in need of another source of food when we stumbled up a restaurant when we discovered a place called, "Restaurant." As it appeared to be the only place open we went in. The hostess informed us of three facts: the menu was on the white board (steak, steak, or frog's legs), the game started at eight, and the Redskins were favored by two if we wanted into the pool. It appeared that everyone in the establishment knew the extended family history of everyone else, but still, we were made welcome. Once we established that catfish could be made upon request, we ordered and, while asking for an ATM, met Morgan Freeman's ex-personal chef and current "freelance drunk" who walked me to that bank so I wouldn't get mugged. He also offered me a gun, but I politely declined.

Although the place was a little, um, interesting, it all worked out, as we soon discovered that they serve the greatest hush-puppies ever. I mean, these are the hush-puppies that Oprah must eat when she has catfish. They contained Rosemary! Rosemary!

Anyway, Sarah and Rob will be off tomorrow and they will be sorely missed. True, I will get way more work done (hahaha! No I won't!) but who else can I use to scare otherwise unmotivated students. No one, that's who. Come visit soon while the visiting is good.

Posted by Drew at 10:31 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

September 26, 2004

And lets not even talk about calling each other "girlfriend"

So, as I mentioned before, I spent this weekend in Saint Louis at a campaign training session run by the HRC. The strange and uncomfortable thing about the whole event is the way in which deadly serious issues are so completely undercut by the absurdity of the people involved.

For instance:

- Georgia is about to pass an horrific anti-adoption initiative, but the gay groups involved are so dedicated to making sure "everyone's voice is heard" that they have a 240 person board.
- George Bush would appoint Supreme Court Justices to set back GLBT issues 50 years, but in the door-to-door role playing session, one man pointed out how John Kerry had won "lots of pretty ribbons and buttons" in Vietnam.
- Gay and lesbian families are a wonderful part of American life but I do not want to hear about how to defrost sperm that has been shipped overnight from California. Ever.

It turns out that the old adage is true: gay people are no different from anyone else. Sadly, this means they are just as likely as the general population to be incredibly irritating. After a whole weekend with the same sixteen people, I'm tired and really need quality time with the mice, who never, ever spend 45 minutes debating the difference between GLBT and LGBT. Or to curl into a ball and die. One or the other for sure.

On the plus side, I did get to meet my first transsexual Air Force Academy graduate / Vietnam veteran (who rocked) and a gay-Mormon-Brazilian from Little Rock. And really, isn't that enough for any weekend?

(End sarcasm: This election really is incredibly important. Voting just isn't enough. Sorry.)

Posted by Drew at 10:58 PM | Comments (69) | TrackBack

Winners!!!!

Q: Who are the greatest people ever?

A: Sarah and Rob who are the first (non-parent) people to visit me in Arkansas!! They got here tonight after I got back from this weekend's HRC training (more later)(maybe) and I couldn't be more excited. They set out on a cross country journey and now they've reached the true center of the universe, Marianna, Arkansas! Congratulations Sarah and Rob! As a prize, both of them will get to keep whatever I confiscate from my students tomorrow. (Maybe sex bracelets? Come to Arkansas and find out!)

Posted by Drew at 09:07 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

September 23, 2004

10,000 Islamofascist Maniacs

I know that of late we've all been feeling a lot of fear. A dark foreboding has entered all our hears and made us rethink exactly what sacrifices it will take to ensure our freedom. I speak, of course, of Cat Stevens.

Cat Stevens's involvement in terrorist organizations is only to be expected: a former hippie? A "peace activist"? A Muslim? I mean for cripe's sake people he has a beard! What more evidence do you need?

Check out this excerpt and tell me it's not the diary of a madman:

"Crimes against innocent bystanders taken hostage in any circumstance have no foundation whatsoever in the life of Islam and the model example of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him."

C'mon! He mentioned Muhammad! My only question is why the hell he's not yet in Guatanamo.

In the wake of the NSA's quick action in diverting the plane and no doubt saving hundreds, if not thousands of lives, I think that it's time we start to look around to see who else may be in line to carry out Al Qaueda's evil plans.

Who would follow a man like Cat Stevens? What twisted monster could exhibit such slavish compliance as to treaten the whole of America. No doubt, you've already guessed to whom I am refering: Natalie Merchant.

Her devotion to the beats? Her birkenstocks? Her unshaven legs?! If all this plus a cover of "Peace Train" isn't enough to get you arrested in this country, I just don't know what is . . .

Posted by Drew at 09:59 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

Wendy Kopp Week: Day Four or Calling in sick makes the baby Wendy cry

The real problem with good days is that they provide so little fodder for bitching about later. I gave a test today which was loads of fun because it meant that everyone had to be quiet or they got a zero. Silence in the classroom is great, but it's even better when it's acheived by fear. Wait a second . . . I suddenly know what it's like to be John Ashcroft!

Ummm . . . what else. I watched an episode of Oprah entitled "He's Just Not That Into You." Which is true. He's not.

Oh, and I'm not going to school tomorrow! Yes, I know that to call in sick (I have an "appointment") is an ignoble end to Wendy Kopp week (she'd totally knife me in the eye if she knew) but it's for what I consider to be a good reason. I'm going to the HRC Campaign Academy in St. Louis. I have no idea what I'll be doing there, but it sounded like an adventure, so I'm off. Perhaps I'll make new friends. Perhaps I'll read my book all night while getting plastered on gin and tonics at the hotel bar. Only time will tell.

Posted by Drew at 07:47 PM | Comments (88) | TrackBack

September 22, 2004

Wendy Kopp Week: Day Three or Why does everyone keep punching me in the face?

While I was pleasantly surprised to find that most of my kids are passing my class, I was disappointed to realize that many of them have already forgotten everything I've taught them (it wasn't much, but adjectives? ADJECTIVES? C'mon, people!)

The second disappointment of the day was learning that thanks to the grand ineptitude of the Lee County School District, our soccer intramural program has been cancelled. Insurance. Because clearly, no other school in the history of the world has managed to start an intramural program! My stars, that would be reasonable, and we don't do reasonable! Although I would usually just forget about it and have a beer, this week I'm asking "WWWD?" and having a beer. I concluded that she would answer thusly:

Bitch, she'd say, when I was founding this organization, plenty of people tried to smack my ass down, but did I let that stand in my way? Fuck no! I busted a cap in all their asses and now I own the english-major-do-gooder-I-need-a-job-beacause-no-one-else-will-hire-my-poor-self market in this country? Stop bitching like a motherfucker and start a chess club.

So that's what I'm doing. Starting a chess club. Which is funny, because I know even less about chess than I do about soccer. But if you're looking to give someone some chess boards . . .

But the high point of the day was when I got punched in the face again, this time breaking up a fight. I suppose I shouldn't take it personally as he then said "fuck" to Miss Harris, the nicest teacher ever (Picture your grandmother, then make her even nicer: that's Miss Harris.) Still, I can't remember getting punched in the mouth even once this summer. Well, maybe when I was drunk, but you know what I mean.

UPDATE: Oh, and my kids think I'm Jewish again. And killed Jesus. With all the other Jews. Like me.

Posted by Drew at 06:33 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

And I shall call thee . . .

Dan, rocking out as always, has started his own blog. It's called Average White Dan and can be found on the right side of the page (shortly). I've also added Adventures in Twentysomething, the blog of this chick Dan is always hanging out with. Both blogs -- how shall I put this? -- rock.

Which leads me to my point: it's not that these blogs are so much better than mine (Oh, wait a sec . . . yeah, they are.) as that they have much better names. Perhaps before this blog becomes too damn popular, I may be forced to change my title. But to what? Possibilities include "Super Happy Fun Puppy Blog" and "Worst. Teacher. Ever."

In short, it should be something that's funny at first, but then less funny every time you hear until it's not funny at all, but rather vaguely offensive.

I like "Drew's Blog" because it captures the egomaniacal energy that led to it's creation (and its continued growth!) It's bad though, because it looks so crappy in TrackBacks.

Anyway, I'd love to hear your suggestions . . . before I give up and try to boost traffic by naming it "Naked Pictures of Laura Bush!" Blog.

Posted by Drew at 05:22 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

September 21, 2004

Wendy Kopp Week: Day Two

Aside from kicking one kid out of class, I think I almost lived up to Wendy Kopp week. True, neither of my after school clubs got off the ground, but I shall persist, and I believe both clubs will start by Tuesday of next week. Oh, that's gonna be a happy day.

For the most part, my lesson plan worked out well. Timmy the Tiger taught everyone about prepositions (Byron the Buffalo, my well used stress toy and erstwhile teaching assistant, has gone missing! If someone stole him there's gonna be hell to pay!) and on the test people actually scored pretty well.

Tomorrow, well, I have no idea what I'm going to do. Progress reports need to get written during class (they can't be done in advance) so my original plan goes out the window. Eh, I'll come up with something. Wendy would be proud.

Posted by Drew at 10:04 PM | Comments (67) | TrackBack

Voting: it's the new black

Good news. A new MTV: Choose or Lose poll says that young people prefer Kerry to Bush 46% to 40%. I for one expect voter turnout of young people to be historically high (like, totally more than 10, 15 percent) yet it's probably not showing up in the polls since young voters tend not to fall into the "likely voters" category and are underpolled because they move so often.

Nader polled about three percent, just behind "Harry Balls" at 4%. "That guy from Maroon 5" was at 2% and "Carson Daly is gay!!!!" was at 1.

Perhaps it would be more trustworthy if the poll wasn't brought to us by the people behind Newlyweds.

UPDATE: Oh, and Nader is off the Arkansas ballot. In theory, I'm offended. In practice, I'm drinking a victory beer.

Posted by Drew at 04:54 PM | Comments (51) | TrackBack

September 20, 2004

What Would Wendy Do?

So in order to make up for being such an awful teacher last week, I've declared this "Wendy Kopp Week." For those of you who don't know, Wendy Kopp is the founder of TFA, our patron saint, and the person I curse whenever I have to grade essay tests.

This week, though, there will be no cursing. Instead, this week I am going to be the greatest teacher ever! All week long, Wendy Kopp, as she drives around New York in her Bentley, wearing a chinchilla coat and blowing money on coke and hookers, will just know that somewhere, somehow, Drew Courtney is educating America.

Today, for instance, I only added 3 entries to this blog and checked Anna's blog 45 times. Now that's productivity! I jest. Kind of.

Day one is down. I'm ready to sign kids up for not one, but two after school clubs tomorrow, and my lesson plans rock (in my head if not on paper.)

Education rules!

Posted by Drew at 10:15 PM | Comments (52) | TrackBack

Another decent Republican starts packing his boxes.

I think we all saw this coming. Sen. Lincoln Chafee says that he's not voting for Bush (or at least he won't say he is voting for him; he might do a write in) and kept his options open about switching parties for the 2006 election.

See, if the leadership of the party were made up of people like Lincoln Chafee, people like Lincoln Chafee could still be Republicans.

As much as I'd like another Democrat in the Senate, I'd rather have an opposition party not trying to dismantle America.

My vote for Chafee's write in: Dan Rather (or, my perenial favorite: Abe Lincoln)

Posted by Drew at 05:32 PM | Comments (53) | TrackBack

Anna is HOT!!!

Today my good friend Anna (uptight librarian by day, tiger in the sack by night!) opened her own blog. It is awesome and it can be found (a) right here and (b) over on the right.

Blogs are awesome! No, really, they are. Just not this one . . .

Posted by Drew at 05:12 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

September 19, 2004

Quit your bitchin'!

Kerry is going to win . . . No, he just is . . . Because I said so, that's why!

To the list of many reasons why Democrats routinely get whupped in national elections, I'd like to add one more: we love it like a fat kid loves cake.

No, no democrat actually wants Bush to be reelected in November (Zell Miller doesn't count, he's now a registered Dixiecrat) but we sure seem to love it when Kerry loses. In today's NYT, Walter Mondale feels comfortable pointing out Kerry's mistakes as he sees them. Every Democrat I meet seems to tell me "I'm worried about Kerry" (People tend to share their political opinions with me. I think it's an defensive maneuver as they know that even without prompting they will surely get a massive portion of my own.)

Republicans just don't do this. In Oklahoma they've nominated a crazy, horrible man who may lose what should be a rock-solid GOP seat (that's what happens when you accidentally sterilize a 20 year old while defrauding medicare!) Did they start in on him? No way. They can't get enough of him.

Hey, I'm all for calling a spade a spade. It's ok to be critical of the left (Look, I'll start: Neither Farenheight 9-11 nor Outfoxed is a great movie. Ooooh!) but if you want Democrats to be a party of optimism, start now.

Anyway, read this and you'll feel better. Or at least I did.

Posted by Drew at 04:45 PM | Comments (97) | TrackBack

So that's what Lakshmi Singh looks like.

Yesterday was Professional Saturday, the occasionally useful TFA training session in Clarksdale, Mississippi. The meeting itself was uneventful, but being on time made me feel special all day.

Afterwards, several key persons adjorned to Memphis for a potluck (i.e.- tacos and beer.) Despite low turnout, it was a blast. Thanks to Ben and Hannah's insatiable curiosity, though, we shall now no longer be able to believe that NPR personalities are, in fact, supermodels. (Except for Steve Innskeep! Yow!) We also learned that all the Delta's educational problems would already be solved if it weren't for all the braincells we devote to remembering lyrics to animated Disney films. Personally, I think that's a price I'm willing to pay.

Posted by Drew at 04:24 PM | Comments (68) | TrackBack

September 18, 2004

Nadir

(a) I just don't understand why anyone would vote for Ralph Nader. If I were going to vote for someone I really wanted to be President, but who didn't stand a chance, I'd vote for Abraham Lincoln. He's a way better choice than Nader (even if he is a Republican*) and stands an equal chance of being elected.

(b) That said, Nader should be on the ballot. He's a selfish, horrible man, but if a bunch of equally selfish, horrible people want to vote for him, well that's democracy for you. Stupid democracy. Oh, well, if Bush wins again, we won't have to worry about headaches like elections any more.

* - Although are they even pretending to be the same party Lincoln founded? I thought they trashed all that equality/responsibility nonsense when they let Grover Norquist off his meds.

Posted by Drew at 12:23 AM | Comments (104) | TrackBack

No Topic

Today I taught but four classes of students, thanks to school picture day. This made me feel good, since I got an easy day, without a court appearance.

When I got home I had to finish my grading for tomorrow's Professional Saturday. This was not particularly exciting either. Then, as I was typing up the results, I sank into a pit of gluttony, watching MTV for over an hour while eating chips and drinking cherry coke. I feel ill.

Man, I didn't do anything today, did I?

Oh, but I did learn that Lee County had a voter turnout rate of 50% for this year's primary election (compared to 19% statewide.) That's pretty sweet. It's the second highest in Arkansas. Unless you count Prairie County, which had a turnout of 115%. That's not so sweet. Voter fraud or government incompetence? You be the judge.

Posted by Drew at 12:05 AM | Comments (74) | TrackBack

September 16, 2004

Court Date (which isn't really a "date" at all!)

I know that I've always said that I would do just about anything to get out of teaching a period or two, but in the future I'd like to amend that: I'll do anything other than have to testify in juvenile court.

Technicaly, I didn't testify. I met with the prosecutor and then sat in the courtroom for an hour and a half, then found that my attacker (I'm a victim!) pled down to community service, which was OK by me.

Still the whole experience was rather unpleasant. One would think that an old courthouse in a the south would have a picturesque, John Grisham quality to it. Not Marianna. The court is, in fact, a large cinderblock room pained pale institutional pink. The seats were the fold up kind found in high school auditoriums of the 1970's. There were six cases today, and no fewer than three of them were against former students of mine. The only white people in the room were either employed by the court (attorneys, reporter, police officer) or named "Mr. Courtney." Everyone whispered like they were in church.

Moreover, the stress of trying like hell to get out of going to court meant that I spent all day teaching in a profoundly un-TFA-like manner. Wendy Kopp would be so disappointed in me.

When I stopped by home on my way back to school, I found the following e-mail from Josh:

Drew,

Stop whatever you are doing right now and go get a beer. I don't even care if you're teaching class right now, just do it. You'll thank me later.

Josh

It was all I could do not to drink one on my way out the door.

I also had a fight with my para-pro today. I won, but victory was bitter.

Tomorrow will be better. (1) It is Friday. (2) It is silent reading day. Silence + Reading = My Kind of Teaching!!

Posted by Drew at 09:29 PM | Comments (105) | TrackBack

September 15, 2004

Take advantage of the polar unicorn

A letter to editor which ran today in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Arkansas's largest daily paper:

With the world facing the ultimate energy crisis, it is time to take advantage of the unique attributes of the polar unicorn, Unicorniceae arcticus. Though not widely known, the direction of the metabolic chemical processes is revered in the polar unicorn.

Whereas all other animals oxidize food to produce carbon dioxide, water and energy, the polar unicorn extracts carbon dioxide and water from the air and converts it to carbohydrates using cold fusion energy. This makes it possible for this shy animal to flourish in areas that provide no conventional feed. As they don't have to compete with other animals for food, barren stretches of polar regions provide an ideal habitat for them. As seals are much easier prey than galloping equines, unicorns are seldom eaten by polar bears.

I am urging the funding of a bipartisan crash program aimed at using these animals as a source of energy. The more CO2 in the air, the more nutritious it is for the polar unicorn. Other members of the horse family are used for power, so it would seem reasonable to expect them to be easily domesticated. Not only could they be used for transportation, but millions of them could be put on treadmills, generating electricity without need to pay for any fuel or feed.

Polar unicorns are perhaps our most plausible solution to oil depletion and global warming.

DON HIRSCHBERG

Horseshoe Bend

It ran under the headline: "Take advantage of the polar unicorn" but in my view it should have been "The editor of this paper is a dumbass"

Posted by Drew at 04:39 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

September 14, 2004

The Sloganator!

Last spring, the Bush/Cheney ministry of smokescreen (i.e.- the campaign) featured on the website a tool which you could use to make your own Bush/Cheney sign. One can only imagine the abuse it took. Today Wonkette put up a memorial slide show for this late, great web tool. I actually laughed so hard I cried.

Posted by Drew at 09:27 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack

10%

Today was day 18 of the school year. I've promised myself that after today I will stop counting down (or up as Kate points out) why today, you ask? 18 days = 10% of a 180 day school year. One down, nine to go. I can do that. Maybe. It'll take powerful stimulants (check!) but I can do that.

All in all, the day was pretty uneventful. I did have a student who responded to a request for an article-noun-verb-adjective sentence with the response "The teacher is ugly." Boo-yeah! Parent phone call!!

Posted by Drew at 08:58 PM | Comments (60) | TrackBack

September 13, 2004

The biggest change in the future . . .

From the diagnostic exam I gave my class:

"I [think] the biggest change should be that all these jews should get into christ because you don't want to go to jail the devil because you may think it's hot up here but wait till you get down there to the devil you going to feel heat."

Oh, how I wish I made these things up.

Posted by Drew at 10:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

September 12, 2004

Diversity: the new conformity

So while watching The Real World today (please, don't ask) I discovered that not only do they have a Puerto Rican gay guy on the show, they also have a black one. How great. I'm going to make sure all my students watch. It will teach them valuable lessons about acceptance and binge drinking.

Posted by Drew at 03:05 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

September 10, 2004

Bush v. Jesus

What's sad is how true it is and on how many levels.

Posted by Drew at 06:24 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack

September 09, 2004

Kindness

From class today:

"Alright, I need everyone to get started on the worksheet."
"But Mr. Courtney, I missed two days of school. I got shot."
"Well, you weren't shot enough. You still have to do the worksheet."

In my defense, it was only a fleshwound. The gun was very small calibar.

Posted by Drew at 10:09 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack

Dan's band rules!

In honor of Dan being the only person to post more than a single comment on this page, his rockin' band Junknugget now has a link over on the right. Congratulations, Dan. The rest of you, eat your hearts out.

Posted by Drew at 04:57 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack

Yep. They're evil.

Watching the Republican national convention, I had an unfamiliar thought: maybe Republicans aren't actually horrible people. Maybe they just have a different method for reaching the same end. Maybe under all that simplicity and mean-spiritedness they really want the best for America.

Then I started reading the news again and saw that Tom Delay, et al have refused to renew the assault weapons ban. Yep. All Republicans are evil. Ok, maybe not all, but definitely all the ones on capital hill.

If any of them (yes, even Snowe, Chafee, Collins, and McCain) had any sense of right and wrong they would be raising hell about how a party that once stood for responsibility now stands for reintroducing weapons whose only purpose is mass murder.

It's not that the moderates won't support the bill, it's that they support such irrationaly zealous ideologues that they never get the chance to vote on it at all. So I guess it would be wrong to call them evil. How about "soulless cowards?"

If you vote for a republican for congress, any republican, even the nice ones, you are voting for a nation run by men who clearly opperate under the mantra: fuck you.

Do I seem upset? How strange.

Oh, and if you want to do something about it, you can give a few dollars here.

Posted by Drew at 04:30 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack

September 08, 2004

Blast from the Past

So remember that time I got hit in the face by my student? Yeah, so do I. (ouch!)

Anyway, I had decided that with the relative stability that this year seemed to provide, I could forget it along with so many other things (how to do advanced math, to do the dishes, whether or not I reported for duty in the Alabama national guard during Vietnam, etc.) Sadly, I was mistaken. Today, who came to my door, but the police! And what did they bring me? Why my first supoena, of course! What larks! Yes, if you need me on September 16th, I'll be in Lee County Juvenile Court, wondering where exactly my life took the plunge into dark comedy . . .

Posted by Drew at 09:03 PM | Comments (26) | TrackBack

September 07, 2004

Running like hell.

What I like about this picture is (a) it shows Blake and Pope (Pope is the white one; get it?) back at home and (b) it provides an apt metaphor for the human condition.

Posted by Drew at 10:56 PM | Comments (52) | TrackBack

Oops.

So last year, while talking to all my students about the importance of creative writing, I decided that I should do some myself. I started something in a composition notebook; I think it was supposed to be a novella of some sort. Anyway, the important part of the story is that I started it in a composition notebook, a composition notebook identical to the ones in which I require all my students to write journal entries every day.

The rest of the story kind of tells itself. Some of my students couldn't afford notebooks. I gave them some of mine. While correcting journals, I was first suprised that a student had handwriting exactly like my own. Then I decided that anyone using the word "insular" must be copying from a book. Then it all became clear.

I called the student over to consult.
"Did you write all this?"
"No, it was there."
"Yeah, did you read it?"
"Yeah."
"How did you like it?"
"It was pretty stupid."
". . ."

I tried to console myself by remembering that her only addition to the notebook had been: "My parents say that I should try my best because they say that if I try my best in school I will do well because I tried my best so that is always why I try my best so that I will do well in school." (Although I can't complain about the parent support.)

So it's clear. Mr. Courtney's writing is stupid. Grad school here I come!

Posted by Drew at 10:42 PM | Comments (39) | TrackBack

September 06, 2004

Back to Normal

Normal being relative of course.

Today was largely spent doing school work and stopping to read my book every ten minutes. I've done an acceptable amount of work so far today. If I can pick up the pace a bit, I should get to bed at a reasonable time. Welcome back to teacher mode: reading my book and going to bed at 10:00 are my main goals in life.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing in class tomorrow, but as I just dropped $40 on markers, it will certainly involve color coding.

Posted by Drew at 08:17 PM | Comments (61) | TrackBack

September 05, 2004

Lazy Sunday

Today was the kind of day that makes long weekends worth having. What did I accomplish? Not a G-Ded thing! I did, however, stay in my pajamas until past noon reading my book, go swimming at Bear Creek (i.e.- dirty, muddy man-made lake) with first years, eat dinner at 4:00, watch some TV, play with this blog (check out the top!), talk to my parents, and drink half a beer (the other half is on its way down now.) True, I could have done this on any Sunday, but as there is no school tomorrow I did this all WITHOUT ANY GUILT AT ALL!!! This is big news. I was raised Catholic.

All day long I waited for the other shoe to drop, but it hasn't yet. We'll see.

On the downside, my ear is getting swollen again, so I need to get to the local medical clinic, or, as I like to call it, the local anything-can-be-fixed-with-anibiotics dispensery.

Posted by Drew at 10:25 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Books: the new crack

If you look to the right, you'll now see a link that says "What's Drew Reading?" If you click it, you'll be able to see naked pictures of Salman Rushdie. Or maybe not.

Playing with movable type is fun! Now if only I had a real reason to do so . . .

Posted by Drew at 12:13 PM | Comments (69) | TrackBack

September 04, 2004

We so cool.

Given the opportunity to waste time presented by a three day weekend, Hannah and I today went to (where else?) Memphis. It was a day of culture and adventure:

- making fun of impressionism at the Brooks Museum
- buying the books with the nice covers at Barnes & Noble
- visiting the self-help section and failing to find the book in question
- eating "juicy balls of cream of milk" at the Indian place
- going on a my-mice-came-back-to-me spending spree at PetSmart
- wanting to be an artist at the art store
- searching for ice cream all over the goddamn city
- ending up at the coolest eatery in town -- an eatery way, way too cool for the likes of us

Yes, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. A good day in the city. Blake and Pope really seem to like their new home.

(I also did laundry.)

Posted by Drew at 11:22 PM | Comments (60) | TrackBack

September 02, 2004

Drew + Bush ???

Today Jenna was over and noticed a giant waterbug in my house. I didn't see it, but she assured me that it was gross. As she left the house I saw it crawling out from under the fridge. Being the macho guy I am, I shrieked like a girl, ran away, and then threw roach traps at it from across the room. Later it came out again and I swatted feebly at it with my sneaker, missing my almost a foot. By this point I was freaked out, and, being home alone, turned on the TV -- to the Republican National Convention. It was at that point it dawned on me: I prefer George Bush to a cockroach. I guess it's true, you do get more conservative as you get older.

Then, on TV, W reminded the convention of his support for the FMA.

I thought for a moment: only one of these two creatures had ever tried to vilify me for votes. Which one really deserved to get hit with a shoe?

After considering the question, I revised my decision, sent $50 to the HRC, and resolved to live in harmony with my insect friends.

Posted by Drew at 09:35 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack

If you love it let it chew a hole in its cage . . .

Blake and Pope are back!!

Today I finally got some have-a-heart traps to try to get Blake and Pope to love me again. I had just set them all around the house, full of stinky cheese, when where should I see my erstwhile pets, but back in their cage! Hopefully they enjoyed their adventure and will be happy to get back to their old routine. I'm buying a new cage this weekend

It's hard to explain how happy this made me. Sometimes things (little things) turn out ok. How wonderful.

Posted by Drew at 09:06 PM | Comments (69) | TrackBack

September 01, 2004

Vote Vanessa and Alexandra! They're hotter! And soberer!

Just pointing to an interesting article on the importance (or lack thereof) of political children. Kevin Drum at Washington Monthly proposes that the children of candidates don't really matter to young people themselves (and, sez me, definitly not those who actually vote, whom I feel tend to be borderline ideologues not easily convinced by MTV style appeals)(keep silent you!) but do matter middle age voters who want to see and compare the candidates' relative parenting skills. (As they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the beer-swilling-Yalie tree.) Hence Barbara and Jenna's drunken all-night-dance-orgy lifestyle is only a negative and probably shouldn't have been flaunted quite so openly in their IQ draining speech last night.

The moral: it's still not ok to embarass your parents. Unless they're Republicans, in which case, drink up!

Posted by Drew at 06:41 PM | Comments (62) | TrackBack