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November 30, 2004
Fun for the Whole Family!!
Tonight after school I was signed up to volunteer at our Math and Literacy Night for eighth graders. I was in charge of the bookmark making station. Every kid who came got a free book to take home.
We got two parents and three kids out of the whole damn grade.
God bless America.
Posted by Drew at 09:47 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
Wonderful . . .
They need these in every shopping mall.
Posted by Drew at 09:37 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack
November 29, 2004
Mr. Courtney has left the building
So, I got a new haricut while I was in Buffalo. I'm trying to get my hair a little longer, but apparently it doesn't quite work. A bunch of my kids said I looked like Elvis. One kept coming up to me and saying, "Thank you. Thank you very much."
He kept doing it until I grabbed him by his shirt and shook him until his teeth rattled. That seemed to work pretty well.
Posted by Drew at 10:14 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack
November 28, 2004
Back
Thanksgiving was great. Coming back to the delta is still a struggle, which sucks. There are many, many things I like about this place (really!) but I still dread getting on the plane to come back. Perhaps I should stop booking flights that require me to get up at three in the morning. That might have something to do with it.
I have to get some work done for school tomorrow (ie- figure out what I'm doing between now and Christmas) and then get to bed.
Harry Potter is awesome awesome awesome. In case you wanted to know what I did while at home.
Three weeks of school! If I can figure out how to make some sort of countdown, I'll do that.
Posted by Drew at 08:36 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
November 22, 2004
Listmania
Perhaps some of you heard that Rolling Stone published a list of the 500 greatest songs of all time. Post-modern,-lists-are-meaningless Drew scoffs at the very idea of ranking songs according to "greatness." The Drew that doesn't suck to have at a party is just pissed off at where they put "Thunder Road." Here's the top of the list:
1. "Like a Rolling Stone," Bob Dylan
2. "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction," Rolling Stones
3. "Imagine," John Lennon
4. "What's Going On," Marvin Gaye
5. "Respect," Aretha Franklin
6. "Good Vibrations," Beach Boys
7. "Johnny B. Goode," Chuck Berry
8. "Hey Jude," Beatles
9. "Smells Like Teen Spirit," Nirvana
10. "What'd I Say," Ray Charles
And now the complaints (and a few just comments):
- Springsteen isn't in the top 10?! Insanity! ("Born to Run" - #21)
- We all love John Lennon, but is "Imagine" really the third best song ever written?
- Prince doesn't appear on the list until number 53? Oh, the horror!
- "Hey Jude" is so not the best Beatles song. Not even close. Most of Sgt. Pepper is better
- Hooray! They fit on Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" at 259. Good choice. That song is amazing.
- Eminem is on there twice? For "Stan" (#290)? Booooo!!!
- "Bittersweet Symphony" (#382)makes me want to throw up. Same for "I Believe I Can Fly" (#406) and "California Love" (#346.) Craptastic.
- How can they be so highbrow as to put on only one Billy Joel song ("Piano Man," #421) but so lowbrow as to put "Love Shack" at 243?
- Joni Mitchell's highest is #121 for "Both Sides Now." There are so many things wrong with that statement.
- Is "Satisfaction" (#2) really that great a song?
- "Do You Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart is 301. The world has gone mad.
- Would it kill you to put on some Lyle Lovett?
On the plus side, looking through my CD collection I found an REM CD I've been looking for for the last four years. I'm pretty sure I openly accused an old roommate* of stealing it. Oops!
(* - don't worry; it was Casey!)
Posted by Drew at 10:12 PM | Comments (47) | TrackBack
Wicked Smart
In honor of getting a mention on Anthony House's tredily named blog ([a.ho]) said blog is getting a spot on the roll of honor (see right.) Sure, his blog is smarter and better looking than mine, but I flatter myself that mine has a signifigantly higher blood alcohol content.
Posted by Drew at 10:00 PM | Comments (45) | TrackBack
November 21, 2004
Satire is Dead
Why, you ask? Because it's no longer needed. Chong-Hao alerted me to the following article from the American Family Association:
Something's Swishy About Shark TaleYes, some of you may laugh at this article, but the wise among us know it is a call to action. While you titter about limpwristedly, I have been crafting the following letter.
It is when Shark Tale turns its attention to Lenny that it veers toward an undercurrent of approval for homosexuality. While it is difficult to prove intent when a film does not explicitly make a character "gay," the story and dialogue demonstrate an implicit approval of homosexuality.
. . .
Lenny's mannerisms and voice tend toward the effeminate, notes a review by Scott Tobias in The Onion A.V. Club, but that's not the worst of it. For in sharkdom, masculinity is measured by one's proficiency as a meat-eater.
. . .
The real problem, of course, is that Lenny isn't a meat-eater. In fact, he's a closet vegetarian, and Lenny understands just how unnatural that is for sharks. He's ashamed, and that guilt deepens when he later overhears his father complain, "What's wrong with that kid? Why's he gotta be so different?"
. . .
But Lenny is more than just a vegetarian. He turns out to enjoy dressing as a dolphin, an obvious allusion to cross-dressing, as noted in a review of Shark Tale by Ed Park in The Village Voice.
"Lenny flees his old life by disguising himself as a dolphin and indulging his happy side," Levy says, calling it "a barely hidden subtext here about letting your closeted inner self emerge ...."
Dear AFA,
It was with great interest that I read your recent article "Something's Swishy About Shark Tale." It is not the first time your fine publication had alerted me to a profound moral question which those of lesser perception might dismiss as "foolish," "stupid," or "fucking retarded."
As a citizen concerned with the moral development of our children, I think that it is high time that we stand up against the radical homosexual lobby and its designs on our great nation. The film industry, run by such obvious homosexuals as Matt Damon, Jude Law, and Elijah Wood [Ed.- there's always hope.] stands no choice of policing itself and statutory measures would be at the mercy of Activist Judges and their precious "First Amendment."
For this reason, I feel we must call upon our leaders in Washington, DC to pass an Anti-Vegitarian, Cross Dressing Shark Amendment (AVCDSA) to the US constitution. No doubt liberals will once again bend over for the homosexuals [Ed. - ha!] and the flip-flopping Democratic obstructionists will stand in our way, but if our country is to maintain its moral rightousness, we have no other choice.
Truly, vegitarian, cross dressing sharks represent just as great a threat to our national character as do Osama bin Laden and his terrorists. And our quest must not be limited only to sharks, but to marine life of all kinds. If you think this shark is scary, wait until you see the tranny sea turtles!
I encourage all citizens to call their representatives immediatly and demand that they support the AVCDSA.
Thank you for bringing my attention to this issue.
Loyal reader and true Christian,
Drew Courtney
So there you go. Call your Senators and Representatives today. And if they try to dodge the question, ask them why they hate freedom so much . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:01 PM | Comments (109) | TrackBack
November 18, 2004
The Fog of War
No doubt you've heard about the videotaped shooting of an unarmed Iraqi by a US soldier.
Allow me to give my typically oversiplified and overblown response: so what? Not that I condone war crimes, nor do I think that "rules for war" is a concept we should do away with.
But do we really think this is exception? Did we think this kind of brutality wasn't a daily occurance? It seems we are supposed to be horrified at this on death in order to feel better about the other 10,000. Personal responsibility, yes, but when you go to war, when you send out thousands of soldiers and tell them to shoot to kill, terrible, terrible things happen. That's how this thing works. This man's death warrent was signed two years ago. The circumstances shouldn't obscure that point.
It's not that this isn't a big deal, but why isn't every single other casualty?
War sucks. We seem to have forgotten that.
Posted by Drew at 09:51 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
Georgetown
Today I interviewed someone for GU. It was boring. Made me miss DC more than usual.
For some reason I've been feeling a desperate need for beer at The Big Hunt. The craving usually hits midway through third period.
Posted by Drew at 09:46 PM | Comments (53) | TrackBack
November 17, 2004
Parent Involvement
I just wanted to point out Gwyn's amazingly insightful post on the importance of good parenting:
Wow, Bruce's Mom, it sure is good that you called me last night. I am so glad that there are parents out there like you who know how to bitch out their kid's teacher and then hang up on her.It would be funny if it weren't so true. Or false. I mean . . . whatever.I'm just as angry and confounded as you that Bruce would get in trouble. I have NO IDEA where he would learn such reactionary, inappropriate and immature behavior. I am overwhelmed by befuddlement as to why he would think to respond to a minor situation by shouting and using profanity
Posted by Drew at 09:47 PM | Comments (49) | TrackBack
November 16, 2004
I am a consumer whore!
Well, it finally happened: I purchased a cell phone. The final straw was when my mother, (my own mother!) 
called me "miserly" for not wanting to shell out the $39.99 a month (plus $47.28 in fees and taxes) to cingular. Boo. Hiss.
Anyway, I have one now, or, at least, I will have one in 3 to 5 business days.
Those of you who remember my last cell phone may wonder what I plan on using the new one for. Paperweight? Flashlight? Well, doubters, my days of refusing to check my voice mail are over! I no longer fear getting messages for one simple reason: no one in Mask and Bauble will ever call me to open the G-D cave or go to some painful and ill run (by me!) production meeting. Also, I'm a responsible adult now and all that shiz-nit.
Posted by Drew at 06:18 PM | Comments (48) | TrackBack
November 15, 2004
Has this been sent to Boing-Boing yet?
This visual thesaurus is the coolest thing I've seen online in some time.
Yep. I'm a dork.
Posted by Drew at 09:52 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
This is what makes red staters feel so uncomfortable in NY
From today's NY Times:
Four gay ex-Mormons from Utah find a three-bedroom apartment in the West Village for $2,600 a month.Gay? Ex-mormons? $2,600 a month? For three bedrooms? I don't know where to begin . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:48 PM | Comments (48) | TrackBack
November 14, 2004
Cloud Atlas
This book is so good. Good enough for me to add some extra O's.
This book is sooooooo good. You should read it.
Posted by Drew at 10:26 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack
Hot or Not
Yesterday Hannah and I ventured to the big city. Over dinner, we decided that fashion magazines are unqualified to arbitrate what is cool and what isn't. Who is qualified? Us.
The list:
Hot:
sweaters from the early 80's
I [heart] Huckabees
Religious Progressives
running for cats
Memphis
Buffalo
bookclub(* - I might have added this one on my own)
The Polar Express (book)
Not:
Soundchecks
Making fun of tofu
The Polar Express (movie)
not having a lightbulb at your table in the restaurant
(Psst. Hannah, I forgot what else was on the list.)
Posted by Drew at 10:18 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
November 11, 2004
The Countdown Resumes
Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I quickly point out that I'm doing much better than I was last year. And it's true. My bad days are bad and my good days are good. Last year my good days were almost tolerable and my bad days had me longing for the sweet release of death.
That said, I'd like to point out that I only have 8 days of teaching left before Thanksgiving. As I have been unable to get out of here to visit DC this semester, the break is even more nescessary. For instance today, during class I was forced to tell a child: "Please stop talking or my head will explode." (It was true!) I miss my parents. I miss my dog. I miss Bruce. I miss temperatures below freezing and the possibility of snow.
That's all. Yay Buffalo. It'll be nice to be in a blue state.
Posted by Drew at 09:56 PM | Comments (50) | TrackBack
November 10, 2004
I hate The Polar Express
Of late, we've all gotten to hear a great deal about the magical world created by CGI in the new film The Polar Express. I have not seen this movie and yet I feel completely comfortable passing judgement on it: it is terrible.
"But, Drew," you say, "Even you, the worst, most evil person in the world (and suspected terrorist/communist) must understand that Christmas is a time for celebrating childhood and innocence! I hate you! You ruined Christmas!"
While I may have ruined Christmas in the past and will probably do so again in the future, I want to be very clear: that was because I was drunk, high and/or coked out of my mind, NOT because I don't love Christmas!
My complaint? Why, oh why, must they ruin that book?! I love that book! I know it's a little late to start complaining about the commercialization of the holidays, but is nothing sacred?! Build a Wal-mart in Bethlem, sure. Sell Dress-me-Up Jesus at Toys'R'Us, ok. But get your God damn CGI hands off of The Polar Express! And Tom Hanks!?! You think TOM HANKS is supposed to make me feel better!!??!! THAT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE!!! (see picture: Tom Hanks stained with the blood of children)
Let me put it bluntly: this Christmas horror makes me want to be Jewish. If you want me to remain a Christian in God's good and saving Grace, I encourage you to boycott this movie. Otherwise, it's dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, here I come
Posted by Drew at 08:45 PM | Comments (52) | TrackBack
November 09, 2004
My Life is Boring
I tried to explain to my students that someday they too will be grown up and the news of getting their chalk boards replaced with cheap (but new!) magnetic white boards will make them so excited that upon recieving said news they will have to make a happy noise in front of a large group of people. I did anyway.
This is my classroom. Where I impede learning.
Posted by Drew at 10:53 PM | Comments (51) | TrackBack
November 08, 2004
Sorry Everybody
Great site here.
UPDATE: Better link here. My pictures is on there now. Free cookie if you find it.
Posted by Drew at 07:16 PM | Comments (67) | TrackBack
You should hear her opinion on Van Buren!
My grandmother sent me a fantastic e-mail today commenting on this week's election:
With my long memory, many elections which seemed very disappointing turned out better than we ever thought. The first year that I voted I thought that Harry Truman did not deserve the job. He was just a hat salesman from Kansas who swore a lot, and did not have the education or diplomatic personality to be President. That evening we thought he had lost, but by morning, he had WON. What a black day!! However he later was declared a Great President.I shared part of this with my QuizBowl kids today. After some quick arithmatic, someone pointed out, "Wow! She must be at least 44 years old!"
Posted by Drew at 05:18 PM | Comments (67) | TrackBack
November 07, 2004
This is why we need a waiting period on handguns . . .
Today was one of those days on which you would go on a mass killing spree if you could muster the energy to sharpen all your knives.
Luckily for the people of Marianna, my apathy outweighed my general "I-hate-the-world" outlook, so I went to Wal-mart instead and bought a shirt and some dry erase markers.
I was going to do a rundown of the day's political news (Karl Rove = the Devil) but I'll skip all the bad stuff and just point out that Hillary Clinton is apparently getting suited up for battle.
As much as I love Hillary, I can't say that I think this is an entirely good idea. She'd be an amazing president, but I'm not sure she'd be a very good candiate. I know I shouldn't say such things, but I really would like to win this time, or at least get close. What kind of person could unite the country under a progressive vision for America? Only one man.
Posted by Drew at 08:59 PM | Comments (27) | TrackBack
November 06, 2004
I want a famous face!
People often ask me what I'm doing next year. "Staying here and continuing to teach and motivate young people to learn and do their very best," I usually say. Then I laugh and pour myself another gin and tonic.
Haha. No really. Now that the American people have spoken (and shouted in near unison: "I want cake!" while drooling on their overalls) there aren't a ton of jobs available to young liberal political hacks. That's why I'm applying for The Real World. See, I have a plan. I want to return to the glory days of reality TV, when you could be proud to be on there. Now, it's just dealers and hos. Dealers and hos, man.
I checked out the MTV casting call site, and was faced with the following questions:
"Do you ever want to contact the dead?"
"Are you a young Latina caught between two cultures?"
"Do you live in a trailer park with your family?"
and (my favorite) "Have you felt the harsh consequences of having a friend or a family member sent back to Cambodia?"
Sadly, I can't answer yes to any of these questions. I thought about applying for the last one, but then decided that Bruce's study abroad in Australia probably wasn't close enough.
I was just about to give up hope, when I saw "Do you live in the world's most boring town?"
"Hallelujia!" I cried. "Moving to Arkansas is finally paying off!"
I was all ready to let them know about my radical MTV style suggestions for how this town could be improved (Keep the library open later! Provide us with some decent organic tea!) when I realized that any town which is as fucked up as this one couldn't possibly be described as "boring." Sure, eggs get thrown at our door and my students keep getting pregnant, but at least it's interesting. I mean we're up to three restaurants now!
My faith in Marianna restored, I chose to forgo any more debate as to my future ambitions. Instead, I plan on spending the rest of the evening knocking back cocktails and figuring out whether or not failing to get my lesson plans done on time could get me sent back to Cambodia.
Posted by Drew at 09:47 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack
November 05, 2004
Two Birds with One Stone
Jon Stewart continues to give me hope for America. I think between The Daily Show and all these drugs I've got here, I might just survive the next four years.
Anway, the point of all this is that Rob sent me some election analysis that I really think you should check out.
It's good to know that while radical Christian conservatives control the White House, the House, the Senate, the Courts, the Churches, the media, the economy, and everything west of Pennsylvania and south of the Patomic, liberal secular humanists still control the entertainment industry. Except for Mel Gibson. Who must be stopped.
Posted by Drew at 04:55 PM | Comments (58) | TrackBack
Don't Mourn. Organize!
I'm sure you all thought that I was going to bitch and moan about the horribleness of the election on Tuesday. Well, I'm not going to. Mostly because I already have. My complaining is over at I Love Monkeys.
People in school said I was in a better mood on Wednesday that they thought I'd be, and I was. I mean, America is broken very very badly, but we'll get back on track eventually.
I think what we can learn from this is that America isn't special. Ok, maybe it is, but that doesn't mean that bad things will never happen to it. There never was a reason to think that we couldn't turn into a theocracy, and I think it's pretty obvious that that's what's happening. Still, I'd rather live here than Iran.
Watch this: GEORGE BUSH IS A DUMB ASS CRIMINAL AND HISTORY WILL SHOW HIM AS SUCH!!!
See. No secret police. (Yet.)
Yes, we should all take this opportunity to reread The Handmaid's Tale, but we can still take that book not as an omen of doom, but as a call to action. The Democrats have a lot of work to do, and, without exageration, I do believe that people will die and lives will be ruined by Tuesday's results, but we still have all the tools we need: free speech, access to the media, good ideas and the knowledge that we eventually Karl Rove will be dead (of natural causes of course!) Nothing lasts forever.
Sure, Tueday's winners have a twisted, angry image of Jesus to keep them motivated, but our beliefs are just as deep and just as strong. Nothing that happened this week, not even the complete, humiliating defeat has ever made me think that their ideas are better.
Join the ACLU! Give to NARAL! Support the HRC! Put a sticker on your car!
Organize!
Posted by Drew at 04:11 PM | Comments (66) | TrackBack
Anna Hits the Nail on the Head
I'd like to apologize to everyone who missed this blog over the last week or so. Anna even went so far as to check my well being.
By the way, you have to post something on your blog so that we know that you're not curled up somewhere twitching spastically with pre-election nerves . . . unless . . . oh dear.
What I love about Anna is that she still thinks that twitching spastically is somehow atypical for me.
Anyway, yes, the blog was broken, but thanks to my fantastic brother Rob, it's back in business and you can all continue to read it until the point at which your therapist thinks that it's time for you to try leaving the house again.
Although many things happened since last I posted, most of my hypothetical blogging this week consisted of mashed keys and moans of horror and fear. I mean really, there's only so much typing you can do while laying on the floor in a fetal position and weeping for America. I do intend to try to get back up to date on the news, but it's so hard to concentrate with these damn horsemen riding up and down the street with all their pestilence and plague and whatnot. Hey look! One of them looks like Dick Cheney!
Posted by Drew at 03:46 PM | Comments (58) | TrackBack