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February 26, 2005
King of all Oscar Prognostication Contests
Sure, other sites may have fancy little buttons you can click, or a loyal readership to which they can cater, but I see no reason why we at courtney5 can't have our own Oscar contest. Haven't seen the nominated movies? Great! Neither have I!
Also, unlike other contests, I see no reason to limit the catagories to the actual awards. I mean, you can do that anywhere. No, in this contest you can make a prediction on anything. Suggested categories: who has on the ugliest clothes? Who will make the dumbest speech? Who feels it nescessary to criticize the Bush administration? Will Chris Rock introduce Uma to Oprah? What about Keanue? Will Johnny Depp have to brush a tear from his eye when he loses? Will Annette Benning attack Hillary Swank? Isn't Hillary Swank a man anyway?
Now that's an Oscar contest!!
As a prize, everyone who enters will adknowledge the winner as the Supreme Champion of Oscar Pregnostication. The winner will be required to show his/her humility by buying all the other contestants drinks next time he/she sees them. Perhaps I will write you a poem.
Just put your guesses in the comments (I made a partial list of the categoties at the end of this post. Feel free to cut and paste.) Anyone who predicts "TEXAS HOLD'EM POKER HARDCORE GAY BESTIALITY VIIOX VIAGRA REFINANCE YOUR MORGAGE" will be deleted immediatly. (Anna, I'm looking in your direction . . .)
BEST PICTURE -
BEST ACTRESS -
BEST ACTOR -
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS -
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR -
BEST DIRECTOR -
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY -
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY -
BEST SET DRESSING -
DRUNKEST PERSON AT YOUR (OR ANY OTHER) OSCAR PARTY -
SUNNY / NOT SUNNY -
DUMBEST SPEECH -
SEGMENT WHERE AMERICA REFILLS ITS DRINKS -
LAST PERSON ON THAT LIST OF THE DEAD THEY ALWAYS SHOW -
Posted by Drew at 08:11 AM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
February 24, 2005
Hey-a, I'm-a the Pope-a!!!
A few comments:
1- If the Pope was my grandfather (or great-uncle, what with the whole "Pope" thing and all) my nickname for him would be Popie (POPE-ee).
2- I'm not going to say that I hope the Pope doesn't die because he's old and sick and maybe it's his time, but if he does I'm sure going to miss him. Yes, I disagree with him on the sex issues, but most of the other things, I'm all for him. What a great guy. Also, if there's a VIP line to get into heaven I imagine he gets to be in that one. I figure Mother Teresa is waiting with a stiff drink and more comfortable clothes.
3- PLEEEAAASSSEEE don't elect Ratzinger. I beg of you. I'm not asking for an American, but someone reasonable would be nice. How about Cardinal Arinze? Sure, we've had our differences, but he's not a bad guy. And we practically met him!
Posted by Drew at 08:49 PM | Comments (60) | TrackBack
February 22, 2005
Paris, the wet way
Today one of my students swore that she had gone to France when she was eight.
I asked her how she liked the flight.
She told me she took the bus.
Posted by Drew at 09:52 PM | Comments (93) | TrackBack
February 21, 2005
John Donne give birth to a litter of tiny rodents!!!
Apparently PetSmart didn't do such a good job seperating their "male" and "female" mice, because I suddenly have a whole lot of 'em. I'd post a picture, but I'm afraid the flash would blind them. If it was my students, sure, go ahead! But these are mice we're talking about here. They have feelings.
NOTE: If you read this headline and knew immediatly what it meant, you are reading this blog too often. I have successfully managed to suck you into my whirlpool of dorky-loserdom.
Posted by Drew at 08:54 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack
GTA Weekend
In a word: awesome.
I went up to DC for the theater alumni group at Georgetown and it was pretty sweet. Sally ran the whole thing so, obviously, it surpassed even the highest expectations. It was great to see everyone again and reminded me of why I spent so much of my life in the pit of despair known as Poulton Hall.
Sadly, Christina and I didn't get to go to New York to see The Gates. We were held up by hypothetical snow.
On the plus side, I got another evening in DC to punish my liver for all the wrong it has done me over the years. Apparently every single Mask and Bauble alumn feels exactly the same way. The bars couldn't keep up, and that's with only one Jesuit!
Posted by Drew at 08:45 PM | Comments (71) | TrackBack
February 15, 2005
Killjoy
So I was obviously thrilled to see the Onion article today, in no small part because I've become just a touch jaded about TFA's humorless optimism in the face of such ludicrously overwhelming odds.
On the other hand, in Brazil a 74 year old nun was shot to death trying to protect peasant families in the Amazon from loggers and land speculators. Anyone who has read any of this site or talked to me in the last, oh, two years know's that I'm willing to mock at least my own endevours, but in this case nun beats onion. Sincerity beats cynicism. Not many of us have much right even to draw breath in the same hemisphere as this woman.
Politics is dirty. Education is hopeless. The enviroment is even more pointless than education. Still, there's a dignity in fighting the good fight and history has shown that from time to time even the most ingrained evils can be reduced if not eliminated.
Stupid idealism. Now I have to go write the lesson plans I was going to blow off . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:32 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack
Best Onion Article EVER!
Cuellen said his TFA experience "taught him a lot about hopelessness."So true . . .
Posted by Drew at 05:21 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack
February 14, 2005
An Open Valentine
Valentine's Day is here again, reminding us of the 1,734th anniversary of Saint Valentine's brutal death at the hands of the Roman authorities. Beheadings of all sorts always make my thoughts turn to love . . .
The past few years, Valentine's Day has been kind of a downer. Grade some papers. Drink some beer. Phone in a fake bomb threat to the local movie theater. This year though, I realizes that I've never understood the true meaning of the day. It's not about candy hearts or long stem roses. It's about finding that special someone who you can be truly count on to be there when times get bad. Finally, I've found that. It's someone who's been with me in all my darkest moments, the times everything falls to pieces and there seems to be no dawn ahead, and yet I never truly appreciate it. This year, won't you be my Valentine, Existential Crisis?
Those of you who know me know that I spend a lot of time with Existential Crisis. I already consider him to be part of the family, so I think it's time to take this to the next level. Sure, other couples have a better physical relationship, but only Existential Crisis really makes me stop and ask: Is living worthwhile at all, or is all meaning really just applied meaning? *sigh* Oh, Existential Crisis, you've always been there for me. Especially since I started teaching!!
Just this weekend, looking for a job, I started getting depressed. I thought that no one reall understood. "What can I do?" I cried. "Where am I going to get a job that I find fulfilling on personal and emotional level?"
"Don't worry," said Existential Crisis. "You don't even really need a job. We all die alone in the end anyway!"
"Oh, you always know just what to say," I sighed as I poured another tumbler full of vodka.
I don't mean to say there haven't been happy times. Just look!
Touring the hills of Ireland.
Just hanging out in my kitchen in Orchard Park.
Sharing a romantic dinner.
I know that they don't have little sugar hearts with the kind of sayings you like, Existential Crisis, ("No God?" or "It's Pointless!")but if they did, I'd buy you a boatload of 'em. Although you probably wouldn't even eat them, would you, Mr. Loving-others-only-leads-to-heartbreak-and-misery? Do I know you or what?!
Well, enjoy your Valentine's Day everyone. Existential Crisis and I are going to spend some quality alone time in the bedroom rereading L'etranger and listening to Portishead.
Posted by Drew at 07:14 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack
February 13, 2005
The Gates
This is an open letter to everyone who's going to be at the GTA event next weekend (or who lives in Washington all the time):
I'm going to be in DC from Friday until Monday. My flight leaves Monday at noon. The GTA general meeting ends at about noon on Saturday. That leaves 24 hours, which, in my mind at least, could be used to drive to NY and see The Gates in Central Park.
Sure, I may be a big tool (no comments please) but I really want to see this. I imagine that it's the kind of thing that sounds like a good idea (or a bad idea if you're a total philistine) but in practice is amazing. If you live in NY and think I'm wrong, please don't tell me, but I imagine it must be really cool, and even if it's stupid, it's so damn big that everyone will be talking about it for years.
So who's with me? I can change my flight on Monday if that's what it takes. I'll pay for gas. We can sleep in the park wrapped in saffron colored cloth.
Posted by Drew at 09:03 PM | Comments (62) | TrackBack
February 10, 2005
Two more blogs!
I'm pleased to add Magic Coffee to that list of blogs I keep over there on the right. It's maintained by my friend Jes from Orchard Park who, I think, may be the most senior member on my famed "Favorite People" list.
Then I had to add a blog called Courage. If I have to have a gun toting, pill popping, Bush-voting friend, I'm glad that friend is James Salandro. My only regret is that he can't be forcibly medicated by the state.
Welcome to my Courtney5, kids. As they say, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never undo the damage to your reputation caused by having even visited a dump like this.
Posted by Drew at 07:51 PM | Comments (61) | TrackBack
February 09, 2005
When did I become so angry?
I'm really not sure, but I'm sure indignant about this. It seems that when Canadian workers were on the verge of unionizing their local Wal-mart, Wal-mart just shut the damn thing down. Take that fair labor practices!
Up until this point, it was possible to think that Wal-mart, Inc was just shortsighted and irresponsible. Now it's pretty clear that their just evil. (And of course we know, when I call someone evil, America listens.)
This year, I resolve to buy my socks and underwear somewhere else. Of course, Wal-mart always did have the best prices.
Posted by Drew at 06:49 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
Journal
I figured out how to hook up my laptop while at school (hint: plug it in) so I figured I'd use my planning period to share with you this gem excerpted from a student's journal. Even though the syllables are a little off, I still consider it a(n) Haiku of the highest quality:
I hate all teachers.It's a little sad how much I love this.
They allway want to take test.
I hate you.
Posted by Drew at 01:31 PM | Comments (51) | TrackBack
February 02, 2005
Here's what makes me sad . . .
The Republicans aren't just trying to modify Social Security, they're trying to undermine the nation's responsibility to the elderly. I'm really sick of moral issues being entirely limited to sex issues, while the neo-cons undercut the single clearest moral message of the Bible: economic justice.
In my mind, Social Security is more than a regular savings account. If you want a savings account, get one. I have one, and I contribute to it regularly. Good for me!
Social Security is different. The key word in Social Security is "security." No matter what happens, Social Security should be there. Not if your investments pay out. Not if the bond market has a good year. No matter what. Get over your God damned fear of government programs and face up to your responsibilites. Pay your taxes and be happy that old people in this country don't have to eat out of garbage cans.
Posted by Drew at 08:31 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
February 01, 2005
The Problem with Blogs
is that whenever something worth posting comes along, I'm too busy to post it. I don't know what to make of the situation. I think it's that "real life" thing I keep hearing so much about. Well, who needs one of those? Obviously not me.
Anyway, I was going to tell you all about how I locked myself out of my house Friday morning on my way to school and was trying to kick down the back door when a school bus drove past. Or my sadness at realizing that my children don't know what a bookstore is (real quote: "Mr. Courtney, where do books come from?") Or how my trip to Helena allowed me to experience the hopped-up glory that is Pee-Wee's Playhouse. But alas, now you're going to have to settle for this clip of Jon Stewart making fun of Wal-mart.
Ah, inertia. You make me so much more . . . sedentary.
Posted by Drew at 10:35 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack