May 24, 2005
The Successful Life of Three
They say that bad things happen in threes:
1 - I got rejected from another job. Not really noteworthy in itself. But also . . .
2 - Our house has been invaded by mutant killer cockroaches. Technically, they may be neither mutant, nor killer. I have to say though, that a roach should just not be able to fly that well or for that long. I've seen birds that get tired faster.
3 - Some &*#% of a student stole my cell phone. Luckily, he was a moron and called all his friends before he turned it off so I should get it back, but still. I'm trying not to read too much into this, but this seems like exactly the kind of thing that I shouldn't be dealing with a week and a half before I leave. I know that I have students with whom I have great relationships but, well, this isn't what it looked like in the catalogue.
Posted by Drew at 10:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 18, 2005
I wish that I knew what I know now . . .
Now that I'm winding down my Teach For America commitment, I thought that I'd take the opportunity to pass on a bit of what I've learned. I made this list not because I am a great teacher, but because I am a pretty bad one. I've broken every one of these rules and lived to pay the price. I see no reason why you shouldn't learn from my mistakes.
TFA summer institute will teach you many things that you should know. Listen. It's good stuff. The things on here are they things they don't teach you. Or, at least, the things I didn't learn
Enjoy. I hope it helps. Good luck and God speed, you poor sonofabitch.
Eleven Things I Wish I'd Known When I Started Teach For America1 - Read "Tools for Teaching" by Fred Jones right now. If you teach reading, writing, or anything resembling reading or writing read "Mosaic of Thought." Anytime someone hands you a book after that, say "Thanks," and read it when you get a chance.
2- Whenever you are absent, Sub-proof your room. Substitute teachers are undoubtedly good people, but you won't feel that way the next day when you get back and you can see they've been rooting through your desk. Lock your desk, put away important documents, and -- for the love of God -- unplug your Internet connection or you'll come back to find programs on your computer that you never knew existed.
3 - Document Everything. Everything. Everything. Even if it means stopping class, make a note every single time you give a detention, send a child to the office, or talk to a parent. Buy a photocopier for your room if that's what it takes. In theory this will protect you against angry parents. In practice it will protect you from incompetent administrators. Either way, there will come a day when you are glad you've done it.
4 - No one else's classroom is ever as good or bad as anyone else says. Moreover, the only person who knows what's going on in a classroom is that particular teacher. Don't get discouraged by the magical things you hear about other teachers. The truly great teachers don't have time to shoot their mouths off.
5 - Teach what you think needs to be taught. Educational theorists posit that isolated instruction in grammar isn't useful in any way. Educational theorists can go fuck themselves.
6 - Put important notes on yellow paper. It means that you won't accidentally recycle the list of kids who handed in their homework for that week even if you don't get a chance to put it in the gradebook right away.
7 - No matter how tough your job is, remember that thousands of thousands of other people have done the same damn thing and not gotten a medal for it. Be proud of yourself. Vent your frustrations when you need to. But don't ever think you have "the hardest job in the world." You don't.
8 - At the beginning of the year you will be handed more information than you can ever process. You will have no idea what is important and what is bullshit -- trust me, there's a lot of it. Find someone to ask and just keep asking.
9 - Take the help you are offered.
10 - For the first two months of school, teaching procedure and organization are always a good use of your time. Once you are sure that they know it, teach it again.
11 - Children are amazingly forgiving. There is virtually nothing you can do in your classroom (yelling, throwing things, telling students to shut the fuck up) that you can't acknowledge, apologize for, and forget. Someday you will have to take advantage of this rule. Forgive yourself, too.
Posted by Drew at 09:39 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
May 16, 2005
Down South
As I haven't been updating very frequently, I wanted to take the opportunity to share with you a site which may help satisfy your desire for spelling errors and rash, ill-formed opinions. Yes, I'm talking about the Helena Daily World. More specifically, the guestbook.
Whether or not you know the ins and outs of the Helena-West Helena political scene, I'm sure the insanity of this page is immediatly apparent. How could it not be? Take any medium-small town in the middle of the Delta and give its citizens an anonymous outlet in which they can vent their frustrations. Instant entertainment!
Just a touch of background: early in the year, the HWH school board ousted their superintendent and hired Earnest Sims to replace him. The vote was 4-3 and the tie-breaking vote was cast by Raymond Sims, Earnest Sims' brother. In theory someone could sue, but the local judge is none other than, yes, another Sims.
Cut to last week in which a motion was made to end the school board meeting. Three members left, but, noting that no vote had yet been taken, the four remaining members sacked the new superintendent and hired another, newer superintendent.
That should be all you need to enjoy this newspaper. The citizens of Helena, while hurling accusations at one another, will no doubt fill you in on the rest.
Posted by Drew at 09:39 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack
May 05, 2005
I am a bad parent.
Last night, thanks to my good friend Wendy, I was exposed to my first helping of the show Supernanny. I don't even have children and this show makes me feel like a bad parent. I guess it's just that Jo (the Supernanny) has all sorts of very simple, obvious ideas which I found totally shocking
"Structure? Discipline? What could those possibly have to do with childrearing?"
A great deal, it turns out. Sadly, I think that my befuddlement in watching the show may shed some light on the challenges I face in the classroom. (Don't hit your kids? Now that's just crazy talk.)
Posted by Drew at 10:17 PM | Comments (53) | TrackBack
May 02, 2005
My life in Cheetos
Most of you probably thought that today's "Hot Cheetos" report on Marketplace* was kind of absurd. Not me. If you want to know what my life is like, realize that I not only observe the Hot Cheeto trade, but occasionally confiscate and consume a bag myself.
Also, check out David Brown. I feel better knowing that my business news comes from a man who looks strikingly similar to Che.
* - Ok, I realize that I'm the only one who listens to Marketplace. I'm still cool. Right? Oh, never mind.
Posted by Drew at 09:54 PM | Comments (49) | TrackBack
February 22, 2005
Paris, the wet way
Today one of my students swore that she had gone to France when she was eight.
I asked her how she liked the flight.
She told me she took the bus.
Posted by Drew at 09:52 PM | Comments (93) | TrackBack
February 15, 2005
Best Onion Article EVER!
Cuellen said his TFA experience "taught him a lot about hopelessness."So true . . .
Posted by Drew at 05:21 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack
February 09, 2005
Journal
I figured out how to hook up my laptop while at school (hint: plug it in) so I figured I'd use my planning period to share with you this gem excerpted from a student's journal. Even though the syllables are a little off, I still consider it a(n) Haiku of the highest quality:
I hate all teachers.It's a little sad how much I love this.
They allway want to take test.
I hate you.
Posted by Drew at 01:31 PM | Comments (51) | TrackBack
January 25, 2005
Two Friends and a Pain
Today, in another teacher's class, one of my students (one whom yesterday I would have referred to as "one of my best students") wrote a story in which a dog (named after the student), and a cat (named after that teacher) united against a cruel natured hamster (named, of course, "Mr. Courtney.") In the end the hamster was attacked and "ripped to shreads." The cat and dog remained lifelong friends.
Not only was I invited over to hear a public reading of this story, but so were 3 other teachers on my hallway. We all said it was very funny, although one of us (me) may have been lying.
I am going to paddle soooooooo many students tomorrow.
*sigh*
Posted by Drew at 10:34 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
January 03, 2005
The Pink Elm
I'm sorry that I haven't had a chance to update much of late. Ok, I've had a chance, it's just that I've used that opportunity for more useful endevors, like memorizing The Return of the King. (Now, listen carefully. Lord Denethor is Boromir's father. To give him news of his beloved son's death would be most unwise!) Luckily, I have the chance to make it up to you by sharing the greatest story ever written:
One thousand years ago there where a photographer named Jake. He was a built man. He is 6 feet 2 inches and 185 pounds. He had done cool things like being in the NFL, the NBA, and being a photographer. He was famous, French, African American, and Native American. He traveled a lot, he learned a lot, and did his favorite hobbies.While doing his job he was assigned to take pictures and study the pink elm. The pink elm was a powerful thing. It gave you things beyond your widest dreams.
While doing his job a mad scientist popped in wanting to steal the pink elm. His name was Dr. Jackie Band. He was a short man, but also smart.
Then a big fight had started. Jake said, "You will never take the pink elm."
Dr. Jackie Band said, "Over my dead body."
Then Jake said, "I intend to." Then there where hard punches to the gut and the matrix. Then they powered up and shot powerful rays at each other from their hands. After the smoke cleared Jake were still standing, but Dr. Jackie band wasn't. Jack finished his job and put the pink elm in a safe place with the FBI. "This is the end," said Jack.
Or is it?
The End
I'm glad that my students have come to understand the single concept which has meant the most to my teaching: it is possible to be short, but also smart. Before I came, sizism had run amuck. Now they just judge each other based on race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, national origin, and crunkness.
It must be fun to be eleven.
Posted by Drew at 08:46 PM | Comments (100) | TrackBack
December 02, 2004
Love? Valour? Compassion? Jesus!
When I joined Teach for America, I really thought that my experiences in theater had come to an end. I never really thought that I would do it professionally, and it was never very high on my list of things to do at school. All that came to an end today, when I was asked to help with auditions for our school Christmas play, "Season's Beatings." I was happy to help and was in the room before I read the script. Big mistake!
The play is about Wally, a television reporter who tries to find someone to interview about the true meaning of Christmas. But lo! Everyone seems to have forgotten the meaning. Finally, he interviews a character named only "Christian" (Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!)
Excerpt below:
Christian: (Continuing.) The angel said, 'Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be unto all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a savior, which is Christ the Lord.' The true joy of the season only belongs to those who know Him. Otherwise it's an exercise in futility!"Wally: (Starting to brighten up again.) "You're right. In all the rush, I tend to forget that sometimes."
Christian: "So do a lot of people. That's why this time of year is also the most depressing to some. They're basing their happiness on things that soon pass away and it always leaves them feeling empty."
Wally: "I think I understand. They celebrate the coming of Christ into the world but don't invite Him into their own heart."
Christian: "You've got it! (thoughtfully) You know, you're not far from the kingdom of God. Why don't we go discuss it over a cup of hot chocolate... my treat."
It used to be that I was surprised to find this in a public school. Oh, how I've learned.
Anyway, the auditions went well and I think I've been inspired to direct a play as well. I'll let you know when Fiddler on the Roof opens.
NB: The graphic here is actually from the page on which this script is published. If it's on www.ChristianSkitScripts.com it can't be blasphemy!
Posted by Drew at 09:01 PM | Comments (50) | TrackBack
November 30, 2004
Fun for the Whole Family!!
Tonight after school I was signed up to volunteer at our Math and Literacy Night for eighth graders. I was in charge of the bookmark making station. Every kid who came got a free book to take home.
We got two parents and three kids out of the whole damn grade.
God bless America.
Posted by Drew at 09:47 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
November 29, 2004
Mr. Courtney has left the building
So, I got a new haricut while I was in Buffalo. I'm trying to get my hair a little longer, but apparently it doesn't quite work. A bunch of my kids said I looked like Elvis. One kept coming up to me and saying, "Thank you. Thank you very much."
He kept doing it until I grabbed him by his shirt and shook him until his teeth rattled. That seemed to work pretty well.
Posted by Drew at 10:14 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack
November 17, 2004
Parent Involvement
I just wanted to point out Gwyn's amazingly insightful post on the importance of good parenting:
Wow, Bruce's Mom, it sure is good that you called me last night. I am so glad that there are parents out there like you who know how to bitch out their kid's teacher and then hang up on her.It would be funny if it weren't so true. Or false. I mean . . . whatever.I'm just as angry and confounded as you that Bruce would get in trouble. I have NO IDEA where he would learn such reactionary, inappropriate and immature behavior. I am overwhelmed by befuddlement as to why he would think to respond to a minor situation by shouting and using profanity
Posted by Drew at 09:47 PM | Comments (49) | TrackBack
November 11, 2004
The Countdown Resumes
Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I quickly point out that I'm doing much better than I was last year. And it's true. My bad days are bad and my good days are good. Last year my good days were almost tolerable and my bad days had me longing for the sweet release of death.
That said, I'd like to point out that I only have 8 days of teaching left before Thanksgiving. As I have been unable to get out of here to visit DC this semester, the break is even more nescessary. For instance today, during class I was forced to tell a child: "Please stop talking or my head will explode." (It was true!) I miss my parents. I miss my dog. I miss Bruce. I miss temperatures below freezing and the possibility of snow.
That's all. Yay Buffalo. It'll be nice to be in a blue state.
Posted by Drew at 09:56 PM | Comments (50) | TrackBack
October 27, 2004
Yep. They suck.
Latest on my list of the minor indignities I suffer daily is the new location of our school's main copy machine. It used to be in the Teacher's Resource Center (ie- lounge) next to the laminator, paper cutter, and mail boxes. To a normal person, this would make sense. Sadly, normal people do not run my school.
Today they decided to move it to the cramped, overcrowded, and far away main office, ten feet from the other photo copier! Sure, they now offer to make copies for me, but the office is often closed by 3:15. This is no good for several reasons: (A) Now they'll know when I frantically make photo copies at 7:55 in the morning and (B) they'll also know when I use the machine to make illegal, anti-Bush photo collages with school resources. I can't be expected to do my job under these conditions!!
Moreover, I will now be forced to make pleasant conversation with the secretaries as I photo copy. I like the secretaries fine, but I much prefer my old habit of holding my head and weeping with shame at my pedagogical ineptitude.
I plan to raise hell about this (in my usual, just-a-friendly-suggestion-don't-mind-me kind of way.) With any luck, I won't slip into a coma of boredom while listening to the administration's response.
Posted by Drew at 10:10 PM | Comments (73) | TrackBack
October 20, 2004
Sure, they look harmless here but . . .
Oh, wait. They are harmless. Of course, they're a lot quieter in digital form.
No doubt I'm breaking many laws by posting pictures of my students online, but, um . . . look over there!! [runs away]
Third Period (Sixth Grade)
Fifth Period (Eighth Grade)
Seventh Period (Sixth Grade)
Today was jersey day, hence the very similar clothing styles.
Posted by Drew at 10:14 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack
If only it had been multiple choice . . .
Well, the first quarter of the year is over. You know what that means: frantic grading the night before report cards get printed. While correcting a grammar test, I stumbled accross this gem.
Write each sentence in the space provided.Write an Article-Noun-Verb-Article-Noun sentence.
Mr. Courtney gets on my nerve.Write a sentence which contains an adjective.
Mrs. Polk [my alleged girlfriend] isn't nice.Write a sentence which contains a preposition.
They both are not nice.Write a sentence which contains an adverb.
Why did they go to Lucky Star [our local chinese restaurant]?Extra Credit: Write an Article-Adjective-Noun-Adverb-Verb-Preposition-Article-Adjective-Noun sentence.
Lucky Star is where two ugly people ate.
What's that? What did you say? I can't hear you on the other side of that achievement gap!!
Really, what bothers me the most is that she didn't even try to use an adverb. They're pretty tough, but still.
Posted by Drew at 12:19 AM | Comments (105) | TrackBack
October 15, 2004
A Marginal Jew
Yesterday in school we started a(nother) fund raiser for the kids to raise money for the basketball court we're always on the verge of getting. If you don't hate capitalism already, you will once you've seen some horrible salesman whip a bunch a poor kids into a franzy over earning cheaply made prizes by seeling overpriced cookie dough.
Anyway, now all my kids want to sell me cookie dough. Last year I managed to dodge the bullet, but this year, as Lee County's most famous fake Jew, I wonder if I have a responsibility to shell out some cash in order to break a few long held stereotypes. Oy!
Posted by Drew at 09:58 PM | Comments (74) | TrackBack
October 14, 2004
Today
we began writing out letters to the President. Although I was thrilled to hear many students ask whether or not they could write to John Kerry instead (and only one student asked if he could write to complain about his teachers!) I was less than excited to learn that one of my students wanted to write to the governor of Massachusettes to "ban same sex." I felt hurt and betrayed as his teacher.
Ok, I lied. I was psyched!! It's brainwashing time!
"Same sex what?" I inquired. "Same sex bathrooms? Same sex football teams? What? It seems your little neo-fascist letter is breaking down already!" (ok, I just thought that last part.) Eventually I pointed out that he meant "ban same sex marriage" and not "ban gay people." Whatever. After also pointing out his tendency to read literally only certain points of the Bible and gently mocking his faith, I offered him the chance to change topics before he waded into ass kicking territory, but he stuck to his guns. Good for him.
He got his topic sentence pretty well written, but for his two details, he chose "All the other countries that have same sex marriage have failed," and "If we have same sex marriage, we'll follow them."
"Fool!" I shouted, "that's only one detail! You'll still need another!" He countered by pointing out that "it's just not right." I laughed comtemptuously and told him to choose another topic. Franticaly, he asked for time to ask his pastor. "Pathetic!" I cried. "Where's your messiah now?!" He started crying. I laughed harder.
That'll teach kids to express independent thought in my classroom!
[Ok, very little of that is true, but I'm allowed to talk shit because he's a good kid and will get an "A" on the project anyway.]
[By the time I'm done all my kids will be clamoring to set up as GSA. Hahaha!!]
Posted by Drew at 10:21 PM | Comments (58) | TrackBack
October 12, 2004
I don't want to go to school tomorrow
Jeeze, what a whiner!
Since getting home I've gone jogging (it's pronounced "yogging") and watched CNN. Damn. I'm sorry. I have nothing interesting to say.
Oh, the aides at my school have decided that they are going to get me a girlfriend. I'm tired though, so I have nothing to say in response beyond, "good luck." I'll be funnier tomorrow. Or drunker. Maybe both.
Posted by Drew at 09:41 PM | Comments (68) | TrackBack
October 07, 2004
From the mouthes of babes . . .
Today, while writing essays on what we want to be when we grow up, I recieved the following gem:
Football is easy to spell, but hard to play.So true, man. So true.
Posted by Drew at 09:37 PM | Comments (51) | TrackBack
October 05, 2004
I hate don't love my job.
Um, that's all. I don't mean to bitch (haha! yes, I do!) but I'm just sick of this job. It's not the kids: I kind of like them. It's not Arkansas: I've grown use to it. It's not even the awful administration: although they suck. I'm just really sick of being bad at my job. I like to do things at least kind of well. I'm just not a very good teacher. It sucks to be so mediocre every day.
That's all. Oh, one more thing. They also took my door in the middle of class. It was broken, so I'm glad that it's going to get fixed, but now I have no door.
Now I'm done.
Posted by Drew at 09:46 PM | Comments (73) | TrackBack
September 29, 2004
Now that's why you pay more for private school!
From the Washington Post. Apparently the third, fourth, and fifth graders at Alexandria Country Day School were served booze at lunch by mistake.
It was tequila and margarita mix, to be precise, left in the refrigerator in a pitcher and mistaken for limeade by kitchen staff, who poured it into small cups and served it to children as a lunch treat, he wrote.Some youngsters didn't like the smell and declined; others took a sip and declared it "gross," according to parents and Harvey.
An administrator who realized something was wrong started investigating, Harvey said, and quickly discovered that the limeade was really liquor -- although it is unclear why the kitchen staff didn't notice. It had been left over, he said, from a party two days earlier at the school for the staff, faculty and Board of Trustees.
At our school, it's the kids who would accidentialy serve us the liquor. Or at least we can hope.
Posted by Drew at 10:22 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack
WWWND?
Last week was Wendy Kopp Week. This week is clearly bizzaro-Wendy Kopp Week. Whenever I find a free minute, I ask myself "What would Wendy Kopp not do?" Then I do it.
Among the actions I think Wendy would disapprove of (and for which she would no doubt make me her ho):
- using TFA lists for political fundraising purposes
- advising first year teachers to skip school and go see "A Dirty Shame"
- deciding not to get a teaching licence because the paperwork has too many questions
- confiscating sex bracelets from kids who don't even go to our school
- handing out lesbian sex bracelets to kids who do go to our school
- reading NYT online instead of teaching children to read
- repeatedly telling others "but my kids can't learn"
- grain alcohol + lunch break = hilarious!!
- watching liberal propoganda after school instead of, I don't know, loving education
- explaining why The Passion of the Christ isn't any good without actually seeing
Next week I'm going to get back on the teaching wagon. I swear! Unless, you know, it's boring.
Posted by Drew at 10:06 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
September 23, 2004
Wendy Kopp Week: Day Four or Calling in sick makes the baby Wendy cry
The real problem with good days is that they provide so little fodder for bitching about later. I gave a test today which was loads of fun because it meant that everyone had to be quiet or they got a zero. Silence in the classroom is great, but it's even better when it's acheived by fear. Wait a second . . . I suddenly know what it's like to be John Ashcroft!
Ummm . . . what else. I watched an episode of Oprah entitled "He's Just Not That Into You." Which is true. He's not.
Oh, and I'm not going to school tomorrow! Yes, I know that to call in sick (I have an "appointment") is an ignoble end to Wendy Kopp week (she'd totally knife me in the eye if she knew) but it's for what I consider to be a good reason. I'm going to the HRC Campaign Academy in St. Louis. I have no idea what I'll be doing there, but it sounded like an adventure, so I'm off. Perhaps I'll make new friends. Perhaps I'll read my book all night while getting plastered on gin and tonics at the hotel bar. Only time will tell.
Posted by Drew at 07:47 PM | Comments (88) | TrackBack
September 22, 2004
Wendy Kopp Week: Day Three or Why does everyone keep punching me in the face?
While I was pleasantly surprised to find that most of my kids are passing my class, I was disappointed to realize that many of them have already forgotten everything I've taught them (it wasn't much, but adjectives? ADJECTIVES? C'mon, people!)
The second disappointment of the day was learning that thanks to the grand ineptitude of the Lee County School District, our soccer intramural program has been cancelled. Insurance. Because clearly, no other school in the history of the world has managed to start an intramural program! My stars, that would be reasonable, and we don't do reasonable! Although I would usually just forget about it and have a beer, this week I'm asking "WWWD?" and having a beer. I concluded that she would answer thusly:
Bitch, she'd say, when I was founding this organization, plenty of people tried to smack my ass down, but did I let that stand in my way? Fuck no! I busted a cap in all their asses and now I own the english-major-do-gooder-I-need-a-job-beacause-no-one-else-will-hire-my-poor-self market in this country? Stop bitching like a motherfucker and start a chess club.
So that's what I'm doing. Starting a chess club. Which is funny, because I know even less about chess than I do about soccer. But if you're looking to give someone some chess boards . . .
But the high point of the day was when I got punched in the face again, this time breaking up a fight. I suppose I shouldn't take it personally as he then said "fuck" to Miss Harris, the nicest teacher ever (Picture your grandmother, then make her even nicer: that's Miss Harris.) Still, I can't remember getting punched in the mouth even once this summer. Well, maybe when I was drunk, but you know what I mean.
UPDATE: Oh, and my kids think I'm Jewish again. And killed Jesus. With all the other Jews. Like me.
Posted by Drew at 06:33 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
September 21, 2004
Wendy Kopp Week: Day Two
Aside from kicking one kid out of class, I think I almost lived up to Wendy Kopp week. True, neither of my after school clubs got off the ground, but I shall persist, and I believe both clubs will start by Tuesday of next week. Oh, that's gonna be a happy day.
For the most part, my lesson plan worked out well. Timmy the Tiger taught everyone about prepositions (Byron the Buffalo, my well used stress toy and erstwhile teaching assistant, has gone missing! If someone stole him there's gonna be hell to pay!) and on the test people actually scored pretty well.
Tomorrow, well, I have no idea what I'm going to do. Progress reports need to get written during class (they can't be done in advance) so my original plan goes out the window. Eh, I'll come up with something. Wendy would be proud.
Posted by Drew at 10:04 PM | Comments (67) | TrackBack
September 20, 2004
What Would Wendy Do?
So in order to make up for being such an awful teacher last week, I've declared this "Wendy Kopp Week." For those of you who don't know, Wendy Kopp is the founder of TFA, our patron saint, and the person I curse whenever I have to grade essay tests.
This week, though, there will be no cursing. Instead, this week I am going to be the greatest teacher ever! All week long, Wendy Kopp, as she drives around New York in her Bentley, wearing a chinchilla coat and blowing money on coke and hookers, will just know that somewhere, somehow, Drew Courtney is educating America.
Today, for instance, I only added 3 entries to this blog and checked Anna's blog 45 times. Now that's productivity! I jest. Kind of.
Day one is down. I'm ready to sign kids up for not one, but two after school clubs tomorrow, and my lesson plans rock (in my head if not on paper.)
Education rules!
Posted by Drew at 10:15 PM | Comments (52) | TrackBack
September 16, 2004
Court Date (which isn't really a "date" at all!)
I know that I've always said that I would do just about anything to get out of teaching a period or two, but in the future I'd like to amend that: I'll do anything other than have to testify in juvenile court.
Technicaly, I didn't testify. I met with the prosecutor and then sat in the courtroom for an hour and a half, then found that my attacker (I'm a victim!) pled down to community service, which was OK by me.
Still the whole experience was rather unpleasant. One would think that an old courthouse in a the south would have a picturesque, John Grisham quality to it. Not Marianna. The court is, in fact, a large cinderblock room pained pale institutional pink. The seats were the fold up kind found in high school auditoriums of the 1970's. There were six cases today, and no fewer than three of them were against former students of mine. The only white people in the room were either employed by the court (attorneys, reporter, police officer) or named "Mr. Courtney." Everyone whispered like they were in church.
Moreover, the stress of trying like hell to get out of going to court meant that I spent all day teaching in a profoundly un-TFA-like manner. Wendy Kopp would be so disappointed in me.
When I stopped by home on my way back to school, I found the following e-mail from Josh:
Drew,Stop whatever you are doing right now and go get a beer. I don't even care if you're teaching class right now, just do it. You'll thank me later.
Josh
It was all I could do not to drink one on my way out the door.
I also had a fight with my para-pro today. I won, but victory was bitter.
Tomorrow will be better. (1) It is Friday. (2) It is silent reading day. Silence + Reading = My Kind of Teaching!!
Posted by Drew at 09:29 PM | Comments (105) | TrackBack
September 14, 2004
10%
Today was day 18 of the school year. I've promised myself that after today I will stop counting down (or up as Kate points out) why today, you ask? 18 days = 10% of a 180 day school year. One down, nine to go. I can do that. Maybe. It'll take powerful stimulants (check!) but I can do that.
All in all, the day was pretty uneventful. I did have a student who responded to a request for an article-noun-verb-adjective sentence with the response "The teacher is ugly." Boo-yeah! Parent phone call!!
Posted by Drew at 08:58 PM | Comments (60) | TrackBack
September 13, 2004
The biggest change in the future . . .
From the diagnostic exam I gave my class:
"I [think] the biggest change should be that all these jews should get into christ because you don't want to go to jail the devil because you may think it's hot up here but wait till you get down there to the devil you going to feel heat."
Oh, how I wish I made these things up.
Posted by Drew at 10:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
September 12, 2004
Diversity: the new conformity
So while watching The Real World today (please, don't ask) I discovered that not only do they have a Puerto Rican gay guy on the show, they also have a black one. How great. I'm going to make sure all my students watch. It will teach them valuable lessons about acceptance and binge drinking.
Posted by Drew at 03:05 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
September 09, 2004
Kindness
From class today:
"Alright, I need everyone to get started on the worksheet."
"But Mr. Courtney, I missed two days of school. I got shot."
"Well, you weren't shot enough. You still have to do the worksheet."
In my defense, it was only a fleshwound. The gun was very small calibar.
Posted by Drew at 10:09 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
September 08, 2004
Blast from the Past
So remember that time I got hit in the face by my student? Yeah, so do I. (ouch!)
Anyway, I had decided that with the relative stability that this year seemed to provide, I could forget it along with so many other things (how to do advanced math, to do the dishes, whether or not I reported for duty in the Alabama national guard during Vietnam, etc.) Sadly, I was mistaken. Today, who came to my door, but the police! And what did they bring me? Why my first supoena, of course! What larks! Yes, if you need me on September 16th, I'll be in Lee County Juvenile Court, wondering where exactly my life took the plunge into dark comedy . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:03 PM | Comments (26) | TrackBack
September 07, 2004
Oops.
So last year, while talking to all my students about the importance of creative writing, I decided that I should do some myself. I started something in a composition notebook; I think it was supposed to be a novella of some sort. Anyway, the important part of the story is that I started it in a composition notebook, a composition notebook identical to the ones in which I require all my students to write journal entries every day.
The rest of the story kind of tells itself. Some of my students couldn't afford notebooks. I gave them some of mine. While correcting journals, I was first suprised that a student had handwriting exactly like my own. Then I decided that anyone using the word "insular" must be copying from a book. Then it all became clear.
I called the student over to consult.
"Did you write all this?"
"No, it was there."
"Yeah, did you read it?"
"Yeah."
"How did you like it?"
"It was pretty stupid."
". . ."
I tried to console myself by remembering that her only addition to the notebook had been: "My parents say that I should try my best because they say that if I try my best in school I will do well because I tried my best so that is always why I try my best so that I will do well in school." (Although I can't complain about the parent support.)
So it's clear. Mr. Courtney's writing is stupid. Grad school here I come!
Posted by Drew at 10:42 PM | Comments (39) | TrackBack
August 31, 2004
For Example . . .
Today in class we studied parts of speech. I asked all the students to write a sentence which included a common noun, a proper noun, a verb and an adjective. Olesha called me over very earnestly to review her sentence. It read:
"The teacher, Mr. Courtney, dances fast and poorly."
The only thing that made me sad was that she forgot to use an adjective.
Posted by Drew at 08:39 PM | Comments (77) | TrackBack
August 30, 2004
Crappy teaching, 101
Today was not my finest teaching day. I was pretty out of it in terms of actually "teaching" and spent a lot of first period saying "umm . . .um . . " and so on.
On the bright side, I did harvest this kernel of wisdom from a sixth grader:
"If you made a skyscraper out of cornbread, as soon as you made it, it would fall down."
In context it almost, almost, made sense.
Posted by Drew at 09:52 PM | Comments (71) | TrackBack