June 15, 2005
Why is the press so dumb?
Everybody loves Dan Savage*:
Last week, the pope condemned divorce, masturbation, birth control, in vitro fertilization, living together before marriage, and same-sex marriage. According to Bennie, all of the above add up to "anarchic freedom." The headlines the next day? "Pope Condemns Gay Marriage As 'Anarchy.'" The headlines should have read something like this: "Pope Condemns Majority Of American Heterosexuals For Private Sexual Conduct; Also, Gay Marriage."* - Well, everybody but Rick Santorum.
Posted by Drew at 02:07 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
April 20, 2005
No, I'm-a the Pope-a!
Who knew that there would be such an outpouring of support for scary old men? I want to be clear, I have no problem with old, it's the scary part that gets me. The only time I can think of where trusting a man that old and scary worked out for the best is in Home Alone and that's only because Kevin was being chased by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern.
I think that all the anti-bugging stuff went a little over the top. I can just picture God up in heaven holding a celestial microphone and shouting wildly into it, "No, you idiots! Not him! The Brazilian! The Brazilian!" Stupid jamming devices . . .
Anyway, I guess we should all just shut up and be happy with the fact that the Church is now led by the German (!) equivilent of Donald Rumsfeld. I for one wish him the best in the job. I hope he's up to the stress. I hope he finds a way to deal with the burden. If he'd like a little advice, I have a suggestion: the cool, clean flavor of unfiltered Camel cigarettes. Each puff brings you closer to God! Light up Benedict, and Godspeed.
Posted by Drew at 07:21 AM | Comments (61) | TrackBack
April 18, 2005
I think I would make a great Pope.
I am all about this conclave. The Oscars? The World Series? The Superbowl? These things are all for pansies. Papal conclaves are where it's at!
The NY Times has a pretty good guide to the conclave here although for their "Two Millenia of Popes" section is shamefully bad. For some time-wastin' awesomeness I recommend Wikipedia. Choose a Pope, any Pope. It's got all the dish. My new favorite: Pope Formosus
I am a little confused as to the "No one over 80" rule." I just don't think it makes a lot of sense. If you appoint not one but three Cardinals to help sick old men vote, you'd better make sure you've got some sick old men. They're not exactly hitting the MTV generation as it is, so why not make sure that you have some people who actually remember the second world war? JPII did and that seemed to help a little bit.
I should also take this opportunity to remind everyone that if scary, scary Ratzinger is elected Pope, I will be profoundly peeved. I just don't think I can get behind a man who was a member of the HITLER YOUTH! Seriously, folks. That's some bad mojo.
For the record, I think that I would be a truly horrible Pope.
UPDATE: If you really loved me you'd buy me this.
UPDATE II: Umm, also this.
Posted by Drew at 10:14 PM | Comments (62) | TrackBack
April 03, 2005
Pope
Well, the Pope is dead. He'll be missed, but I can't say that I'm sad. I think that's just about the best possible way to go: fondly remembered, looking back on a good life and on the VIP list to get into heaven. Would that everyone could be so lucky. The next guy is definitely going to take some getting used to.
Ok, enough goodness. You know who I hate? News anchors. First, their coverage of the Pope was akin to the "Bring out your dead" scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail I'm sorry, but I just don't think it's right to start talking about funeral arangements while the person in question is still alive. The death watch music is morbid enough, but you don't have televised discussions about what to do with a dead body when someone is still living in it.
Next, they are just plain stupid. When Soledad O'Brien refered to JPII as "the most political Pope" I almost had to fly to Atlanta to punch her. The church is two thousand years old!! Popes used to have armies, draw colonial boundaries and kill heads of state! JPII may have encouraged a bloodless coup now and again, but by papal standards that's nothing. Julius II? Now there's a political Pope.
Anyway, JPII, we may not always have seen eye to eye, but I'll still be happy when they get around to making you a saint.
Posted by Drew at 07:54 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
February 24, 2005
Hey-a, I'm-a the Pope-a!!!
A few comments:
1- If the Pope was my grandfather (or great-uncle, what with the whole "Pope" thing and all) my nickname for him would be Popie (POPE-ee).
2- I'm not going to say that I hope the Pope doesn't die because he's old and sick and maybe it's his time, but if he does I'm sure going to miss him. Yes, I disagree with him on the sex issues, but most of the other things, I'm all for him. What a great guy. Also, if there's a VIP line to get into heaven I imagine he gets to be in that one. I figure Mother Teresa is waiting with a stiff drink and more comfortable clothes.
3- PLEEEAAASSSEEE don't elect Ratzinger. I beg of you. I'm not asking for an American, but someone reasonable would be nice. How about Cardinal Arinze? Sure, we've had our differences, but he's not a bad guy. And we practically met him!
Posted by Drew at 08:49 PM | Comments (60) | TrackBack
February 15, 2005
Killjoy
So I was obviously thrilled to see the Onion article today, in no small part because I've become just a touch jaded about TFA's humorless optimism in the face of such ludicrously overwhelming odds.
On the other hand, in Brazil a 74 year old nun was shot to death trying to protect peasant families in the Amazon from loggers and land speculators. Anyone who has read any of this site or talked to me in the last, oh, two years know's that I'm willing to mock at least my own endevours, but in this case nun beats onion. Sincerity beats cynicism. Not many of us have much right even to draw breath in the same hemisphere as this woman.
Politics is dirty. Education is hopeless. The enviroment is even more pointless than education. Still, there's a dignity in fighting the good fight and history has shown that from time to time even the most ingrained evils can be reduced if not eliminated.
Stupid idealism. Now I have to go write the lesson plans I was going to blow off . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:32 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack
February 09, 2005
When did I become so angry?
I'm really not sure, but I'm sure indignant about this. It seems that when Canadian workers were on the verge of unionizing their local Wal-mart, Wal-mart just shut the damn thing down. Take that fair labor practices!
Up until this point, it was possible to think that Wal-mart, Inc was just shortsighted and irresponsible. Now it's pretty clear that their just evil. (And of course we know, when I call someone evil, America listens.)
This year, I resolve to buy my socks and underwear somewhere else. Of course, Wal-mart always did have the best prices.
Posted by Drew at 06:49 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
February 02, 2005
Here's what makes me sad . . .
The Republicans aren't just trying to modify Social Security, they're trying to undermine the nation's responsibility to the elderly. I'm really sick of moral issues being entirely limited to sex issues, while the neo-cons undercut the single clearest moral message of the Bible: economic justice.
In my mind, Social Security is more than a regular savings account. If you want a savings account, get one. I have one, and I contribute to it regularly. Good for me!
Social Security is different. The key word in Social Security is "security." No matter what happens, Social Security should be there. Not if your investments pay out. Not if the bond market has a good year. No matter what. Get over your God damned fear of government programs and face up to your responsibilites. Pay your taxes and be happy that old people in this country don't have to eat out of garbage cans.
Posted by Drew at 08:31 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
January 26, 2005
Even I'm sick of the gay cartoon caracters
The problem with Buster the Bunny is that the whole thing has gotten so absurd that it's easy to overlook that the federal government is taking a really terrible stand. It's a little distressing that the first public action of our new Secretary of Education is to attack a friggin' PBS show featuring a rabbit with a camcorder (as opposed to, say, getting a new pair of glasses)
The NY Times has a nice little article on it, which takes the whole thing from the show's point of view and makes it pretty clear that this should be a giant non-issue. If the show is supposed to be about different types of families, you have to feature, umm, different types of families. And, c'mon, it's two moms. That's totally ok. Two dads? Ok, that would be pretty gay.
Anyway, I guess we should all just be thankful that this is the biggest problem in our lives, and we don't have anything more pressing to be dealing with.
Posted by Drew at 09:12 PM | Comments (49) | TrackBack
January 19, 2005
Four more years.
Not only is tomorrow the regional finals for quiz bowl, it's also the day America must lay in the incompetent, unwise, and perhaps even corrupt bed it has made for itself. Yes, tomorrow is inaugeration day. I'd like to think that it's the last for this particular president, but, well, we all know the regard he's shown the constitution in the past.
In honor of this happy day, I'd like to post this picture of a child whose parents were shot to death in Iraq. I really don't want to be glib (or play politics) with such an horrific event, but Bush's policies have real consequences and we need to be aware of what exactly it is we're talking about. Even, and especially, those of us who oppose Bush ought to be ashamed of what he's done.
Thanks, Mr. President, for all that you've done for my country.
Posted by Drew at 10:31 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
January 12, 2005
The Left Will Rise Again
Although I'm not going to pretend that there was anything good that came out of election 2004 (no, Obama can't even compensate for the crackheads who are now in the US Senate, let alone the cokehead in the Whitehouse) but I did have a theory, all along, that in some ways it would be better if we lost.
Sure, I'm just trying to make lemonade, but no one can say that the American left didn't need a huge kick in the ass. Well, we got it and we'll all be paying for it for the next thirty years or so, but at least we're starting to get back on track.
George Soros et al are planning to devote big, big money to "invest further in the intellectual future of the left." That means that finally, the left is going to develope something to rival the Heritage foundation and the rest of the Vast Right Wing Conspiricy. All those crazy ideas the neo-cons are pushing had to come from somewhere.
This is the first step out of the pit. Now if we could just get rid of this last few shreds of "dignity" we could make up some Swift Boat style lies and really get in the game.
Posted by Drew at 09:44 PM | Comments (78) | TrackBack
January 11, 2005
I'm so confused
Today I held a detention. Only two kids showed up, so I figured, why should I be punished as well? and turned on All Things Considered.
As is my luck, they were doing a story on broadcast indecency. Indecency of all sorts being a favorite topic of mine (ha), I decided to listen. They started interviewing a "media analyst" from the Parents Television Council who started to recount some of her most objectionable television moments.
Media Analyst: So the student is trying to break up with the teacher. She's putting her had on his bottom, speaking softly into his ear, and it's made clear that they have sex in the classroom.
Reporter: So, do you think this has any dramatic or artistic value?
Keontae (in detention): Yes!
The radio program was turned off, but in the meantime, I had fallen into my own social/political/educational portal:
- NPR is news! Kids aren't supposed to like it.
- The PTC is prudish and awful, yet what they were sharing on the air was more salacious then the original programing on television.
- I'm very anti-censorship, and yet a little perturbed that I can't listen to NPR with my students. The PTC is being too graphic! I'm being offended by conservatives!
- Up is down! Black is white! Gay is straight!
I'm thinking of filing a complaint with the FCC just for the pure hell of it.
(Also note, the NPR webpage has a headline asking "Blackberry or crackberry?" Now that's funny.)
Posted by Drew at 10:25 PM | Comments (69) | TrackBack
December 23, 2004
The West Wing is a Right Wing Plot
Yes, it's true. The West Wing, far from being the harmless bastion of imaginary leadership in the Whitehouse, is actually a nefarious plot to distract well meaning liberals from cleaning, reading, exercising or writing lesson plans. I have been home for four days and I have watched almost 10 hours of this show. It is poison. Sweet, sweet poison.
Posted by Drew at 11:34 AM | Comments (49) | TrackBack
December 08, 2004
Your source for vitriol and rage
Perhaps I have become a pessimist. I just want to point out the following things which show that we are fucked as a people:
1) Bush stands up to what is truly ruining our country: steroids. He points out (through a spokesman) that, "Professional baseball players are people our children look up to." Yeah. Thanks a lot. Don't fund eduction or anything. If you want to stand up for kids, take a stand on a tough issue like that. Now that's courage. (I hate you.)
2) Dumbest headline ever: "Experts: Men Distort Religion to Justify 'Honour' Killings" Really? I needed an expert to tell me that Christianity doesn't support women being "beheaded, burned to death, maimed, beaten, raped, forced into suicide or mentally abused." But can we trust the experts? Stay tuned. (On Yahoo, the headlined was shortened to "Experts: Religion Distorted to Justify Killing" which takes dumb headlines to a whole new level.)
3) We are all going die of avian flu. Just thought you'd like to know! The last influenza pandemic was less than 40 years ago. That killed millions and was before the time people moved from Bangkok to New York in less than a day. Which is less than the incubation period for said flu. SARS is for wimps.
4) Do you realize that Hitler was alive just 60 years ago? That's insane. It seems like ancient history , but so does disco and Vietnam. We just weren't thee to see it. For all our mouthing of "Never forget," do we really remember the Holocaust? Do we understand it? Have we learned anything? We've all (well, all the people young enough to read this blog) lived through an incredibly tranquil time in the history of the world, but is that a good reason to assume that the US will remain the world's only superpower or that we can expect some teleological movement towards peace? Hell no. It means we're due. China is going to overtake us and we'll all die in a nuclear war. Those of us who survive the bird flu anyway.
5) Oh, and don't get me started on the headline "Florida voters confident their vote counted: poll" They point out that "Seventy-five percent said they were 'very confident' or 'somewhat confident' that their votes were counted." That's not good!! That's really bad!! What about the other 25% who feel as if they have no voice in the political process!?! Apparently, 10% of voters were "not confident at all" that their vote was counted. Oh, sure! 10% voter disenfranchisement is A-OK!! All those aliented voters shouldn't worry us at all.
6) I am in desperate need of a snowday. I have no excuse for needing a day off. I just need one. Or rather, I just want one. Very very badly.
Posted by Drew at 09:56 PM | Comments (63) | TrackBack
December 07, 2004
At least we're not Mississippi . . .
Teen pregnancy.
Yeah. Those red staters sure have a lock on moral values. Looks like those abstinance only programs are doing a bang-up job.
Posted by Drew at 06:44 AM | Comments (65) | TrackBack
Howard Dean. Aaaarrggghhhh!!!
So those of you who have, um, "lives" may not have noticed just how excited some people are about the prospect of Howard Dean becoming chair of the DNC. DailyKos is flipping out, and now there's an article on Salon.
I'm not really sure whether or not this is a good idea. It's not that he's a maniac, it's just that he plays one on TV. On the other hand, it doesn't look like the Republicans paid too high a price to dive hard right. Maybe the dems should dive hard left and we can all be socialists in thirty years. MMmmmm. . . . Socialism . . .
Posted by Drew at 06:38 AM | Comments (68) | TrackBack
December 05, 2004
It takes a lot to make Hannah angry . . .
I mean she works with kindergardeners and hasn't killed a single one!But CBS and NBC turning down the United Church of Christ's ad was just enough to do it.
Mostly the entire "controversy" speaks to the generally pathetic state of the media and political climate. It's too sad to get angry about.
Luckily, there's a petition you can sign here. I'm not usually one for online petitions, but if it's good enough for Hannah's mom, it's good enough for me. (Also, I don't think that People for the American Way are going to sell your e-mail address.)
Posted by Drew at 11:37 AM | Comments (47) | TrackBack
November 30, 2004
Wonderful . . .
They need these in every shopping mall.
Posted by Drew at 09:37 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack
November 21, 2004
Satire is Dead
Why, you ask? Because it's no longer needed. Chong-Hao alerted me to the following article from the American Family Association:
Something's Swishy About Shark TaleYes, some of you may laugh at this article, but the wise among us know it is a call to action. While you titter about limpwristedly, I have been crafting the following letter.
It is when Shark Tale turns its attention to Lenny that it veers toward an undercurrent of approval for homosexuality. While it is difficult to prove intent when a film does not explicitly make a character "gay," the story and dialogue demonstrate an implicit approval of homosexuality.
. . .
Lenny's mannerisms and voice tend toward the effeminate, notes a review by Scott Tobias in The Onion A.V. Club, but that's not the worst of it. For in sharkdom, masculinity is measured by one's proficiency as a meat-eater.
. . .
The real problem, of course, is that Lenny isn't a meat-eater. In fact, he's a closet vegetarian, and Lenny understands just how unnatural that is for sharks. He's ashamed, and that guilt deepens when he later overhears his father complain, "What's wrong with that kid? Why's he gotta be so different?"
. . .
But Lenny is more than just a vegetarian. He turns out to enjoy dressing as a dolphin, an obvious allusion to cross-dressing, as noted in a review of Shark Tale by Ed Park in The Village Voice.
"Lenny flees his old life by disguising himself as a dolphin and indulging his happy side," Levy says, calling it "a barely hidden subtext here about letting your closeted inner self emerge ...."
Dear AFA,
It was with great interest that I read your recent article "Something's Swishy About Shark Tale." It is not the first time your fine publication had alerted me to a profound moral question which those of lesser perception might dismiss as "foolish," "stupid," or "fucking retarded."
As a citizen concerned with the moral development of our children, I think that it is high time that we stand up against the radical homosexual lobby and its designs on our great nation. The film industry, run by such obvious homosexuals as Matt Damon, Jude Law, and Elijah Wood [Ed.- there's always hope.] stands no choice of policing itself and statutory measures would be at the mercy of Activist Judges and their precious "First Amendment."
For this reason, I feel we must call upon our leaders in Washington, DC to pass an Anti-Vegitarian, Cross Dressing Shark Amendment (AVCDSA) to the US constitution. No doubt liberals will once again bend over for the homosexuals [Ed. - ha!] and the flip-flopping Democratic obstructionists will stand in our way, but if our country is to maintain its moral rightousness, we have no other choice.
Truly, vegitarian, cross dressing sharks represent just as great a threat to our national character as do Osama bin Laden and his terrorists. And our quest must not be limited only to sharks, but to marine life of all kinds. If you think this shark is scary, wait until you see the tranny sea turtles!
I encourage all citizens to call their representatives immediatly and demand that they support the AVCDSA.
Thank you for bringing my attention to this issue.
Loyal reader and true Christian,
Drew Courtney
So there you go. Call your Senators and Representatives today. And if they try to dodge the question, ask them why they hate freedom so much . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:01 PM | Comments (109) | TrackBack
November 18, 2004
The Fog of War
No doubt you've heard about the videotaped shooting of an unarmed Iraqi by a US soldier.
Allow me to give my typically oversiplified and overblown response: so what? Not that I condone war crimes, nor do I think that "rules for war" is a concept we should do away with.
But do we really think this is exception? Did we think this kind of brutality wasn't a daily occurance? It seems we are supposed to be horrified at this on death in order to feel better about the other 10,000. Personal responsibility, yes, but when you go to war, when you send out thousands of soldiers and tell them to shoot to kill, terrible, terrible things happen. That's how this thing works. This man's death warrent was signed two years ago. The circumstances shouldn't obscure that point.
It's not that this isn't a big deal, but why isn't every single other casualty?
War sucks. We seem to have forgotten that.
Posted by Drew at 09:51 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
November 15, 2004
This is what makes red staters feel so uncomfortable in NY
From today's NY Times:
Four gay ex-Mormons from Utah find a three-bedroom apartment in the West Village for $2,600 a month.Gay? Ex-mormons? $2,600 a month? For three bedrooms? I don't know where to begin . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:48 PM | Comments (48) | TrackBack
November 08, 2004
Sorry Everybody
Great site here.
UPDATE: Better link here. My pictures is on there now. Free cookie if you find it.
Posted by Drew at 07:16 PM | Comments (67) | TrackBack
You should hear her opinion on Van Buren!
My grandmother sent me a fantastic e-mail today commenting on this week's election:
With my long memory, many elections which seemed very disappointing turned out better than we ever thought. The first year that I voted I thought that Harry Truman did not deserve the job. He was just a hat salesman from Kansas who swore a lot, and did not have the education or diplomatic personality to be President. That evening we thought he had lost, but by morning, he had WON. What a black day!! However he later was declared a Great President.I shared part of this with my QuizBowl kids today. After some quick arithmatic, someone pointed out, "Wow! She must be at least 44 years old!"
Posted by Drew at 05:18 PM | Comments (67) | TrackBack
November 05, 2004
Two Birds with One Stone
Jon Stewart continues to give me hope for America. I think between The Daily Show and all these drugs I've got here, I might just survive the next four years.
Anway, the point of all this is that Rob sent me some election analysis that I really think you should check out.
It's good to know that while radical Christian conservatives control the White House, the House, the Senate, the Courts, the Churches, the media, the economy, and everything west of Pennsylvania and south of the Patomic, liberal secular humanists still control the entertainment industry. Except for Mel Gibson. Who must be stopped.
Posted by Drew at 04:55 PM | Comments (58) | TrackBack
Don't Mourn. Organize!
I'm sure you all thought that I was going to bitch and moan about the horribleness of the election on Tuesday. Well, I'm not going to. Mostly because I already have. My complaining is over at I Love Monkeys.
People in school said I was in a better mood on Wednesday that they thought I'd be, and I was. I mean, America is broken very very badly, but we'll get back on track eventually.
I think what we can learn from this is that America isn't special. Ok, maybe it is, but that doesn't mean that bad things will never happen to it. There never was a reason to think that we couldn't turn into a theocracy, and I think it's pretty obvious that that's what's happening. Still, I'd rather live here than Iran.
Watch this: GEORGE BUSH IS A DUMB ASS CRIMINAL AND HISTORY WILL SHOW HIM AS SUCH!!!
See. No secret police. (Yet.)
Yes, we should all take this opportunity to reread The Handmaid's Tale, but we can still take that book not as an omen of doom, but as a call to action. The Democrats have a lot of work to do, and, without exageration, I do believe that people will die and lives will be ruined by Tuesday's results, but we still have all the tools we need: free speech, access to the media, good ideas and the knowledge that we eventually Karl Rove will be dead (of natural causes of course!) Nothing lasts forever.
Sure, Tueday's winners have a twisted, angry image of Jesus to keep them motivated, but our beliefs are just as deep and just as strong. Nothing that happened this week, not even the complete, humiliating defeat has ever made me think that their ideas are better.
Join the ACLU! Give to NARAL! Support the HRC! Put a sticker on your car!
Organize!
Posted by Drew at 04:11 PM | Comments (66) | TrackBack
October 27, 2004
That's Phone Bank Captain to you!
Thanks to a single phone call to the Arkansas Democratic Party, I am now the phonebank captain for my county. Do I have any phones? No. Any volunteers? Not really. Will I kick ass and take names anyway out of a vitriolic (and perhaps unhealthy) enmity towards the Bush administration? Damn straight!
Anyone who wants to volunteer this weekend should let me know. It's BYO-Phone!
Posted by Drew at 10:22 PM | Comments (68) | TrackBack
October 26, 2004
Obsessed much?
No. Really. This election needs to be over.
I'm losing sleep and I think I'm getting sick. I'm trying to cut back on my NPR and CNN addictions, but it's not going well.
I am trying to actually do something about it since Arkansas is, in my opinion at least, a swing state. I'm more than a little irritated at the importance of Florida, since I think the whole election process there is essentially rigged. Kerry could win there, but if it's close, it will go for Bush. It's sad to realize that the people may not really run this government any more. (Did we ever?)
So, yeah, I'm pathetic. Six more days.
Wait a minute! I'm not pathetic! Voting is important, damn it!
Sweet Jesus! Roe v. Wade could be overturned! More education and health programs could be cut! Our civil liberties and rights could be curtailed for decades! Thousands of people could die needlessly without stem cell research! We could invade Iran! The enviroment could be damaged beyond repair! THE BROADCAST FLAG COULD BE IMPROPERLY ADMINISTERED!!!
THIS IS REAL, IMPORTANT SHIT!!!!
This election matters so, so, so much.
Posted by Drew at 09:59 PM | Comments (70) | TrackBack
October 25, 2004
What's everyone so worried about?
So, perhaps you noticed today that the Bush administration "lost" 380 tons of high powered explosives in Iraq. Now I know I say a lot of mean things about this administration, but enough is enough. Everybody misplaces things sometimes and I for one am willing to forgive and forget. Why, almost every day I find myself searching for my car keys before I leave the house. I'm sure whoever has it will return it when they realize we're missing it. It's probably just sitting in someone's house and they don't even know they have it. Honest mistake.
Wait. Did you say 380 tons of high powered explosives?
Sweet mother of God!!!!!!
Well, it's official. We're fucked.
Happy apocalypse everyone!
Posted by Drew at 09:27 PM | Comments (63) | TrackBack
October 21, 2004
I can't take it!
I think I may finally be cracking. I can't deal with ten more days until election day. Democracy is slowly killing me!!
Rob called last night to discuss the dire medical condition of his cat, Poco, and while on the phone managed to bring back all the nauseous emotions of the 2000 election. We could have had President Gore for these last four years. I know that some people my differ with me on this, but I truly believe he could have been one of the greats. How proud I would have been to see one of my people (i.e. - a total dork) in the White House.
Anyway, my visits to NY Times online and the DailyKos are reaching a terrifing rate. At least the Red Sox are allowing me to channel some of my nervous energy into something I can watch while drinking. Thank God!
Please, for the love of God, vote early and vote often.
I promise I'll be able to have a normal conversation again on November 3rd ("Again?" you ask. Shut up.)
Posted by Drew at 09:47 PM | Comments (107) | TrackBack
Triumph the Comic Insult Dog
I demand that you check out Triumph's vist to spin alley after the last debate (AKA: Poop Valhalla.)
via Wonkette
This entry is dedicated to Jenna Polk, who today entered the pantheon of TFA teachers smacked by a student. Welcome, Jenna. Don't press charges.
Posted by Drew at 09:41 PM | Comments (62) | TrackBack
October 18, 2004
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
I spoke at a candidate forum for Senator Lincoln today. The forum was sponsored by Amanda's sorority, so I kind of had an edge on the invite. It all went well although I had to go first and would have likes a little bit more time before I got up to the podium. It couldn't have been a friendlier audience, though, as it included, among others, the Senator's sixth grade teacher.
The true victory was in that everyone else was insane. No, you think I'm joking. Highlights include:
The final conclusion: sweet Jesus, this place is messed up.
Anyway, it was a good lesson in public speaking and in talking to crazy people without rolling ones eyes. It also kept me from getting school work done, which regular readers will recognize as one of my main criteria for a good time.
Posted by Drew at 10:45 PM | Comments (44) | TrackBack
October 17, 2004
Media: Technically it's still a plural noun.
Two things to check on the web today, both of which will make you cry for America.
Jon Stewart taking Crossfire to task. It's not so much funny as sad.
Ron Suskind on Bush's "faith based presidency." It's really nothing new; just another reminder of Bush's sheer incompetence on the job and his unfitness for the office in the first place. You know. The usual.
Stupid liberal media, with all its "facts" and "responsibility to tell the truth to the American people." Thank God it will all be outlawed soon!
Posted by Drew at 04:43 PM | Comments (69) | TrackBack
October 13, 2004
Kerry Eats Babies!
The debate tonight: awesome. Kerry is 3 for 3 and is going to rock out on November 2.
My favorite part, aside from the time Bush responded to a quetion by repeating an order for three bacon cheeseburgers and a Frosty he picked up on his radio transmitter, was the sign "Kerry Eats Babies" that was held behind Carlos Watson on CNN. I would like to point out that while Kerry may eat some babies it is Bush who flip-flops on the issue. He can't decided whether to eat children, or simply pound the crap out of them.
John Kerry: He defended America as a young man, and he will defend it while devouring your children. Thank you CNN.
Posted by Drew at 10:31 PM | Comments (70) | TrackBack
WHAM! and Genetics
Catherine sent me a nice article on homosexuality and genetics. Why do I post the link? Because I think it's true? Not really. Because I think it advances my political causes? Nope. Because of the gratuitous picture of singer George Michael which might as well be labled "George Michael: Fruitcake"? Yes, yes, yes!
For more on my treatise on gay rights, ask me on a non-school night after I've had a few drinks.
Posted by Drew at 10:24 PM | Comments (26) | TrackBack
October 11, 2004
Girl on Girl!!
I couldn't even wait a day! Not with stuff like this out there:
The Republican Senate candidate in Oklahoma warns of "rampant" lesbianism in some schools in the state in a tape released Monday by his Democratic opponent.
[snip]
In the tape released by the campaign of Brad Carson, the Democratic candidate, Coburn says a campaign worker from Coalgate told him that "lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that's happened to us?"
I'm a little behind, so I know that all the good jokes are already taken. All I can say at this point is that Oklahoma is apparently a wonderland the likes of which I never could have imagined. We never have that much fun here.
[Seriously people: HOW DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOUR PARTY??? I mean, Jesus. At least we have the sense to make our crazies (Nader) a national joke. You keep trying to get them elected to the Senate. I'm all for a big tent and all, but who wants to share a tent with this crank?]
Posted by Drew at 09:47 PM | Comments (61) | TrackBack
October 08, 2004
Deep Thoughts
I hate Bush SO MUCH!!!
UPDATE: Ok, I may have been a little over-dramatic in just how much Bush sucked last time. This time, I won't exagerate at all: Bush showed himself as the worst President ever! I mean Jesus, did his advisers tell him anything? My God, can that man whine!
Posted by Drew at 08:36 PM | Comments (48) | TrackBack
October 05, 2004
EXTRA! EXTRA! John Edwards has great hair!
Several points about tonight's debate:
- John Edwards is so dreamy!
- Don't blame Dick Cheney for his pale complexion; sunlight causes him to burst into flame.
- Please stop making shit up, Mr. Vice President.
- Confidential to JE: Don't ever try to talk about same-sex marriage again. Bad news, man. Bad news.
- Gwen Ifell is adorable. She and John Edwards should have babies.
- John Edwards won. He is the king of the soundbite.
- Dick, please don't try to brag about No Child Left Behind. It makes me want to punch you.
- Dear Secret Sevice agent: I was just kidding. Jeeze, you guys have no sense of humor.
- Even I am getting sick of this election. Let's just vote tomorrow. That way the Supreme Court can get down to disenfranchizing voters right away.
- Hehehe. We are so going to win this election.
- Edwards children. So cute. You know Cheney wants to eat them.
Posted by Drew at 09:29 PM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
October 04, 2004
Drew's favorite Republican. For now . . .
I hope we all saw the NYT article on Lincoln Chafee.
For Mr. Chafee, who was a prep school buddy of the president's brother Jeb and whose father, the late Senator John Chafee, was close to the first President Bush, that day was the beginning of an estrangement with the president, whom he had worked to elect. In the months since, he has opposed Mr. Bush on everything from tax cuts to gay marriage and the war in Iraq. Now, this life-long Republican has concluded that he cannot cast his ballot for the leader of his party.
I have a theory. First, allow me to put on my tinfoil hat. There we go.
[conspiricy theory after the jump]
Chafee, fearing a well financed challenge from the right, resigns from the GOP well before the 2006 election. The Democrats don't run anyone against him. He wins. Later, over a set of late night cosmos at JRs, he and Jim Jeffords decide to start their own party. They name it the Patriot Party in honor of their favorite football team. A few shots of tequila and Susan Collins is in. Christopher Shays is in after a few tokes. A few tabs of X nets a few Democrats (Democrats will do anything when they're rolling.) The Patriots throw their weight left and right as they see fit. They rule the Senate with a socially progressive, fiscally conservative iron fist. Candidates line up around the block to run on the ticket. Some of them get elected. They become a force. The north takes back influence from the south. The Bills win the SuperBowl. Julianne Moore finally gets an Oscar. LA sinks into the sea. Rick Santorum gets sent to prison for voter fraud and learns the true meaning of his name.
Sure I may sound a little crazy, but a centrist third party is an idea to watch. Also, the CIA is reading my brain waves!!!
Posted by Drew at 07:45 PM | Comments (93) | TrackBack
September 30, 2004
Kerry won!
I think that it's fair to say that I've been "freaking out" all day.
First my craptastic, unfit to serve, terrible, terrible congressman Jack Quinn voted in favor of the FMA. I never liked him. Now I hate him.
Then my Arkansas congressman (I have two) (I'm special!) led the charge to bring handguns back to DC. Brilliant move dumbass. I could barely walk to my car as it was. (It's true. Some Democrats suck.)
But that's all ok because Kerry laid the SMACKDOWN on George W. It was beautiful. Bush looked grumpy and irritated. Kerry looked like a president. Karl "it's not a lie if it's . . . wait . . it's a lie" Rove will try to spin it another way, but he can't. Kerry won. Weee!
I'm so happy I could drink this beer sitting right here in front of me. Now that you mention it . . .
Posted by Drew at 10:11 PM | Comments (22) | TrackBack
September 28, 2004
Nothing Personal
Awesome ads. Marilyn Musgrave is the House Sponsor of the FMA.
In my quest to restore civility to political discourse, I will say only that she is the Whore of Babylon and, also, a total bitch who no doubt slept her way to the top. But I'm sure she means well.
Posted by Drew at 07:35 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack
Smackdown!
Today in class I returned to my typical agenda: turning all of my students in rabid politicos dedicated to defeating Bush and his bloodthirsty minions at any cost. Also, underlining the subject once and the predicate twice. Always twice, man, always twice.
Anyway, when I offered a bonus question "What is happening this Thursday that Mr. Courtney thinks you should watch?" I recieved an answer I could hardly count as wrong: Smackdown.
True, the student is question was refering to WWF Smackdown which I also(?) really want all my students to watch, but in my head the answer made total sense. This Thursday will be the first presidential debate, and a smackdown it shall be.
Everyone says that Bush is actually a skilled debater, but I really think that's just because in the past we've been shocked that he's managed to avoid drooling on himself (Confidential to "Satan" -- If he drools on himself I will totally sacrifice some virgins in your honor*.) Thanks to Bush's four year refriain of "I may have sent your children to die in a meaningless war, but, hey, I make good barbeque" I feel that this lowball gambit is all used up. C'mon Horse-faced, patrician John Kerry! Git a little swagger of yer own!
Anyway, as my contribution to this momentous event in which Kerry will metaphorically bash in the President's head with a folding chair while wearing only a speedo and aviator sunglasses, I would like to suggest a line of attack: Mr. Bush, if you're such a great President, why can't you speak while Dick Cheney drinks this glass of water!?!
Ok, that's pathetic (although then again . . . .) The real purpose of this post is to point out my jizz-tastic suggested line on the DailyKos. (Please ignore the horrible typo.)Wait, does this make me a giant loser. Shit.
I'd like to invite you to kick ass and take names while the kicking is good.
* - Confidential to "Jesus" -- I'm just joking.**
** - Confidential to "Satan" -- No, I'm not.
Posted by Drew at 06:43 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
September 27, 2004
Required Reading
I do feel compelled to point out two articles:
1) The Washington Post series about growing up gay in Oklahoma. It's sad. (And not just for the terrible poetry.)
2) The NYT on the 4 year old painting prodigy. She's adorable!
Posted by Drew at 10:58 PM | Comments (57) | TrackBack
September 26, 2004
And lets not even talk about calling each other "girlfriend"
So, as I mentioned before, I spent this weekend in Saint Louis at a campaign training session run by the HRC. The strange and uncomfortable thing about the whole event is the way in which deadly serious issues are so completely undercut by the absurdity of the people involved.
For instance:
- Georgia is about to pass an horrific anti-adoption initiative, but the gay groups involved are so dedicated to making sure "everyone's voice is heard" that they have a 240 person board.
- George Bush would appoint Supreme Court Justices to set back GLBT issues 50 years, but in the door-to-door role playing session, one man pointed out how John Kerry had won "lots of pretty ribbons and buttons" in Vietnam.
- Gay and lesbian families are a wonderful part of American life but I do not want to hear about how to defrost sperm that has been shipped overnight from California. Ever.
It turns out that the old adage is true: gay people are no different from anyone else. Sadly, this means they are just as likely as the general population to be incredibly irritating. After a whole weekend with the same sixteen people, I'm tired and really need quality time with the mice, who never, ever spend 45 minutes debating the difference between GLBT and LGBT. Or to curl into a ball and die. One or the other for sure.
On the plus side, I did get to meet my first transsexual Air Force Academy graduate / Vietnam veteran (who rocked) and a gay-Mormon-Brazilian from Little Rock. And really, isn't that enough for any weekend?
(End sarcasm: This election really is incredibly important. Voting just isn't enough. Sorry.)
Posted by Drew at 10:58 PM | Comments (69) | TrackBack
September 23, 2004
10,000 Islamofascist Maniacs
I know that of late we've all been feeling a lot of fear. A dark foreboding has entered all our hears and made us rethink exactly what sacrifices it will take to ensure our freedom. I speak, of course, of Cat Stevens.
Cat Stevens's involvement in terrorist organizations is only to be expected: a former hippie? A "peace activist"? A Muslim? I mean for cripe's sake people he has a beard! What more evidence do you need?
Check out this excerpt and tell me it's not the diary of a madman:
"Crimes against innocent bystanders taken hostage in any circumstance have no foundation whatsoever in the life of Islam and the model example of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him."
C'mon! He mentioned Muhammad! My only question is why the hell he's not yet in Guatanamo.
In the wake of the NSA's quick action in diverting the plane and no doubt saving hundreds, if not thousands of lives, I think that it's time we start to look around to see who else may be in line to carry out Al Qaueda's evil plans.
Who would follow a man like Cat Stevens? What twisted monster could exhibit such slavish compliance as to treaten the whole of America. No doubt, you've already guessed to whom I am refering: Natalie Merchant.
Her devotion to the beats? Her birkenstocks? Her unshaven legs?! If all this plus a cover of "Peace Train" isn't enough to get you arrested in this country, I just don't know what is . . .
Posted by Drew at 09:59 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack
September 21, 2004
Voting: it's the new black
Good news. A new MTV: Choose or Lose poll says that young people prefer Kerry to Bush 46% to 40%. I for one expect voter turnout of young people to be historically high (like, totally more than 10, 15 percent) yet it's probably not showing up in the polls since young voters tend not to fall into the "likely voters" category and are underpolled because they move so often.
Nader polled about three percent, just behind "Harry Balls" at 4%. "That guy from Maroon 5" was at 2% and "Carson Daly is gay!!!!" was at 1.
Perhaps it would be more trustworthy if the poll wasn't brought to us by the people behind Newlyweds.
UPDATE: Oh, and Nader is off the Arkansas ballot. In theory, I'm offended. In practice, I'm drinking a victory beer.
Posted by Drew at 04:54 PM | Comments (51) | TrackBack
September 20, 2004
Another decent Republican starts packing his boxes.
I think we all saw this coming. Sen. Lincoln Chafee says that he's not voting for Bush (or at least he won't say he is voting for him; he might do a write in) and kept his options open about switching parties for the 2006 election.
See, if the leadership of the party were made up of people like Lincoln Chafee, people like Lincoln Chafee could still be Republicans.
As much as I'd like another Democrat in the Senate, I'd rather have an opposition party not trying to dismantle America.
My vote for Chafee's write in: Dan Rather (or, my perenial favorite: Abe Lincoln)
Posted by Drew at 05:32 PM | Comments (53) | TrackBack
September 19, 2004
Quit your bitchin'!
Kerry is going to win . . . No, he just is . . . Because I said so, that's why!
To the list of many reasons why Democrats routinely get whupped in national elections, I'd like to add one more: we love it like a fat kid loves cake.
No, no democrat actually wants Bush to be reelected in November (Zell Miller doesn't count, he's now a registered Dixiecrat) but we sure seem to love it when Kerry loses. In today's NYT, Walter Mondale feels comfortable pointing out Kerry's mistakes as he sees them. Every Democrat I meet seems to tell me "I'm worried about Kerry" (People tend to share their political opinions with me. I think it's an defensive maneuver as they know that even without prompting they will surely get a massive portion of my own.)
Republicans just don't do this. In Oklahoma they've nominated a crazy, horrible man who may lose what should be a rock-solid GOP seat (that's what happens when you accidentally sterilize a 20 year old while defrauding medicare!) Did they start in on him? No way. They can't get enough of him.
Hey, I'm all for calling a spade a spade. It's ok to be critical of the left (Look, I'll start: Neither Farenheight 9-11 nor Outfoxed is a great movie. Ooooh!) but if you want Democrats to be a party of optimism, start now.
Anyway, read this and you'll feel better. Or at least I did.
Posted by Drew at 04:45 PM | Comments (97) | TrackBack
September 18, 2004
Nadir
(a) I just don't understand why anyone would vote for Ralph Nader. If I were going to vote for someone I really wanted to be President, but who didn't stand a chance, I'd vote for Abraham Lincoln. He's a way better choice than Nader (even if he is a Republican*) and stands an equal chance of being elected.
(b) That said, Nader should be on the ballot. He's a selfish, horrible man, but if a bunch of equally selfish, horrible people want to vote for him, well that's democracy for you. Stupid democracy. Oh, well, if Bush wins again, we won't have to worry about headaches like elections any more.
* - Although are they even pretending to be the same party Lincoln founded? I thought they trashed all that equality/responsibility nonsense when they let Grover Norquist off his meds.
Posted by Drew at 12:23 AM | Comments (104) | TrackBack
September 14, 2004
The Sloganator!
Last spring, the Bush/Cheney ministry of smokescreen (i.e.- the campaign) featured on the website a tool which you could use to make your own Bush/Cheney sign. One can only imagine the abuse it took. Today Wonkette put up a memorial slide show for this late, great web tool. I actually laughed so hard I cried.
Posted by Drew at 09:27 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack
September 10, 2004
Bush v. Jesus
What's sad is how true it is and on how many levels.
Posted by Drew at 06:24 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
September 09, 2004
Yep. They're evil.
Watching the Republican national convention, I had an unfamiliar thought: maybe Republicans aren't actually horrible people. Maybe they just have a different method for reaching the same end. Maybe under all that simplicity and mean-spiritedness they really want the best for America.
Then I started reading the news again and saw that Tom Delay, et al have refused to renew the assault weapons ban. Yep. All Republicans are evil. Ok, maybe not all, but definitely all the ones on capital hill.
If any of them (yes, even Snowe, Chafee, Collins, and McCain) had any sense of right and wrong they would be raising hell about how a party that once stood for responsibility now stands for reintroducing weapons whose only purpose is mass murder.
It's not that the moderates won't support the bill, it's that they support such irrationaly zealous ideologues that they never get the chance to vote on it at all. So I guess it would be wrong to call them evil. How about "soulless cowards?"
If you vote for a republican for congress, any republican, even the nice ones, you are voting for a nation run by men who clearly opperate under the mantra: fuck you.
Do I seem upset? How strange.
Oh, and if you want to do something about it, you can give a few dollars here.
Posted by Drew at 04:30 PM | Comments (55) | TrackBack
September 02, 2004
Drew + Bush ???
Today Jenna was over and noticed a giant waterbug in my house. I didn't see it, but she assured me that it was gross. As she left the house I saw it crawling out from under the fridge. Being the macho guy I am, I shrieked like a girl, ran away, and then threw roach traps at it from across the room. Later it came out again and I swatted feebly at it with my sneaker, missing my almost a foot. By this point I was freaked out, and, being home alone, turned on the TV -- to the Republican National Convention. It was at that point it dawned on me: I prefer George Bush to a cockroach. I guess it's true, you do get more conservative as you get older.
Then, on TV, W reminded the convention of his support for the FMA.
I thought for a moment: only one of these two creatures had ever tried to vilify me for votes. Which one really deserved to get hit with a shoe?
After considering the question, I revised my decision, sent $50 to the HRC, and resolved to live in harmony with my insect friends.
Posted by Drew at 09:35 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
September 01, 2004
Vote Vanessa and Alexandra! They're hotter! And soberer!
Just pointing to an interesting article on the importance (or lack thereof) of political children. Kevin Drum at Washington Monthly proposes that the children of candidates don't really matter to young people themselves (and, sez me, definitly not those who actually vote, whom I feel tend to be borderline ideologues not easily convinced by MTV style appeals)(keep silent you!) but do matter middle age voters who want to see and compare the candidates' relative parenting skills. (As they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the beer-swilling-Yalie tree.) Hence Barbara and Jenna's drunken all-night-dance-orgy lifestyle is only a negative and probably shouldn't have been flaunted quite so openly in their IQ draining speech last night.
The moral: it's still not ok to embarass your parents. Unless they're Republicans, in which case, drink up!
Posted by Drew at 06:41 PM | Comments (62) | TrackBack
August 30, 2004
Worst. Convention. Ever.
Wow. This convention is even worse than I thought it would be. First of all, the GOP couldn't even muster enough decency to allow for any dissent in their platform: all anti-choice, all anti-gay, all the time. Call me a raging liberal, but I don't really see how being gay is "incompatible" with military service. Incompatible with voting for Bush? Yes. Incompatible with drinking Coors lite from a can? Sure. But fighting for one's country? I think not.
Then, they apparently refused to let any black people in. Observe the following photo. Don't try to tell me "I saw one black guy in the choir," because as we all know, African-Americans are allowed to be performers. That doesn't count. (Also note: caucasians with a tan do not count as hispanic.)
Next, these people don't even seem to be trying to escape 1992. I'm as big a fan of country music as the next yuppie intellectual, but c'mon people. And a fake news reporter? Jeeze! You already have Fox and now you need more fake news? Someone's getting greedy! All told, the thing looks like it was coordinated by a high school A/V club.
And finally, for the love of God, DO NOT ALLOW REPUBLICANS TO DANCE!!! I mean no offense, but when the off-tempo clapping starts the whole thing starts to look like a retarded texan convention. Wait a minute . . .
In conclusion, even John McCain's decent but thoroughly uninspiring speech couldn't add a touch of class to this writhing mass of evil calling out for the blood of innocents and the ritual execution of Democrats everwhere. I return to my thesis: worst convention ever.
Somewhere, Lincoln is crying.
Posted by Drew at 09:40 PM | Comments (54) | TrackBack
August 29, 2004
Protests Protests Protests
Thus far my opinion on the protests in NY has been mixed. On one hand I really don't see these protests as doing much to affect the outcome of the election (an outcome which seriously needs to be affected.) Seriously, who, other than myself, spent more than two minutes watching the live coverage on C-SPAN?
On the other hand, the right to peaceful protest is so intrinsic to a functioning democracy that without that right, "democracy" no longer describes the system of government in power. Powerful protest is a sign of a healthy nation. Seeing so many people who care about the result of an election, any election, is heartening.
Damn, did I not get anything done today. I hope you all enjoy this new page because putting it together took all the time I was going to devote to "planning" today. Oops.
Posted by Drew at 09:51 PM | Comments (59) | TrackBack