May 25, 2004
    So I looked back over the last few weeks of entries on here.  If you're looking for a summary, here it is: bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan.  Booo!  In honor of this observation, I'd like to mention all the nice things that happened to me today:
    1) Woke up on time.
    2) Cleaned my room hardcore.
    3) First two periods: ten kids total.  It's like talking to actual human beings when that happens.  I kind of like them in small numbers.
    4) One day of school left.
    5) Despite my better judgment, got the new Modest Mouse CD for my drive to DC.
    6) Got my AC in the car fixed.  It just needed a shot of freeon!  That's cheap!
    7) That scraping noise I hear in the car won't hurt anything according to my mechanic.
    8) Wonkette rules.
    9) Talked on the phone today to: Bruce, Chung-Hao, my parents, and Brian Beasley (the former middle school teacher who became a prison guard after the stress got to him.)  Good times.
    10) Delta is beautiful this time of year.
    11) My book order came in from Permabound!  Guess who has new copies of all the Harry Potter books.  Boo-yeah!
    12) Mississippi Public Broadcasting has nice "gay people aren't so bad" commentary.  I suppose, however, that NPR listeners aren't exactly the most notoriously bigoted people in the state.
    13) A year of teaching ends tomorrow.  Holy crap!!
    14) Kids behaved really well (not fifth period, but all the rest.)
    15) I'm going to take a shower and go to bed.  Bed rules!

May 24, 2004
    Today's class objective was "keep Mr. Courtney entertained."  As such, in some of my classes I decided that instead of just watching Remember the Titans (blech) or packing up the room, we could watch Waking Life.  I feel fairly confident that I am the only middle school teacher in Arkansas (or America) to introduce Sartre and the problem of free will on the third to last day of the year.  The kids were confused.  I was amused.  It worked out perfectly.
    I also got to talk to my boss for the summer.  My job sounds like it's going to be a fair amount of fun.  I'm a little worried about the idea of being responsible for things concerning grown-ups.  For all the trials of teaching, at least the goal is pretty straight forward.  As a plus, my boss's name is also Drew; he suggests that it will be fun to confuse small town Arkansas reporters.  I agree.
    Bush.  Let's not get started.  How did he get elected President, again?  Oh, wait.  He didn't.

May 22, 2004
    My starts, so much to report.  You know that that means: bullet points.
        1) School is so close to over.  Most of my kids aren't even coming anymore.  The TFA part of me finds this sad.  The rest of me finds it to be a gift from God.
        2) Went to the casino last night for the seafood buffet.  I may not have taught my students a damn thing, but I sure as hell taught the Marianna crowd how to shell a lobster.  Then I lost 20 bucks playing craps.  That game rules.  Except for how it took all my money.
        3) Went down to Clarksdale with Chong-Hao today.  Good time even if he does have a nasty habit of assuming false identities in clothing stores.  Turns out I look a little like Elvis Costello.  I can live with that.  Stupid bad timing.  Stupid delta.
        4) Grading, grading, oh how I hate grading.  It turns out my kids did learn some things this year.  Or maybe that my grading has just gotten easier as the life force was slowly beaten out of me.
        5) Just like Stephin Merritt, I've been running around like a chicken with his head cut off.  I'm not sure how this week got to be so packed.  Or where all my money went.  Again, damn craps table.  
        6) Oh, I almost forgot.  Ira Glass answered a question I posted on Transom.  I feel so cool.  

May 19, 2004
    Wow, did I not get any work done after school today.  I was completely burned out and went to sleep instead (it was well worth it.)  I figure I have about four hours of grading and entry to do before Friday.  Meaning tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll be able to get a good amount done in school tomorrow since a fair number of kids aren't coming back for one reason or another.
    Also, I spent perhaps too much time reading blogs tonight.  I remain a big fan.

May 18, 2004
    I'm tired.  My plan for school tomorrow is pretty laid back, but at this point I'm taking nothing for granted.

May 17, 2004
    My kids are little balls of condensed evil.  There are seven days of school left and I have six unused sick days.  Every morning is going to be a struggle.
    On the bright side, listening to NPR coverage of weddings in Massachusetts today made me really happy.  (A) There's something about gay people getting married in sensible clothes that just gets me every time.  (B) They're all so damn happy.  It's that silly, goofy, irrational happiness.  I just can't get enough of it.

May 16, 2004
    Spent this morning rubbing elbows with the elite of Marianna society.  It was actually a lot of fun.  It's still a shock to remember that the community I see every day is only half of the story.  The whole thing is very complicated.  I'm going to bed.
    Almost a third of my kids handed in their journals this week!  I feel like such an awesome teacher until I stop to think of how unbelievably sad that is.

May 14, 2004
WARNING: THEOLOGY RANT!!
   That's it. The Catholic Church has finally lost it. I've put up for years with their obsession with sex, excused (or at least tried to explain away) the abuse (more sex), and really raised far less of a fuss than I should have about the restriction of the priesthood to males only (Yep, more sex.  In persona Christi, my ass!) but even John Paul's messed up theology shouldn't be able to justify the latest insanities.
    First up, one of the things I like about the Church is that it is rather forward thinking on the idea of interreligious dialogue. J.P. has routinely put his money where his mouth is on extending the Church's respect to a wide variety of faiths. That's good. Moreover, as a bit of an ideologue myself (No, no, it's true. I have opinions on some things.) I have to respect the balance he's struck between standing firm in his own faith and respecting the faiths of others.
    Today the Vatican put out a document discouraging marriage between Catholics and Muslims, especially Catholic women and Muslim men. What the . . .?! If they were going to issue a blanket opinion forbidding marriage outside the Church then one could argue that on the merits of the opinion, but this seems to me to be beneath the level of logical argument. By simply "discouraging" such unions the Church does nothing but slander an entire faith.  I have no idea what they seek to do besides offend as many people as possible in a profoundly personal way. It's the worst kind of innuendo; it's offensive and serves the interests of no one.
    Next up, the refusal of the Eucharist to pro-choice politicians (and voters, of course, but really the latter is only the logical outgrowth of the former) is completely distasteful. Regardless of what the Vatican says about any given issue, the reality of the matter is that in America especially there will be a diversity of opinions among Catholics. The strength of the Church has long been it's ability to focus on the innumerable points of agreement instead of the small points of difference.
    Let it be pointed out clearly that killing people is wrong. Neither side of the abortion debate contradicts that. The question at hand is only when a fetus becomes a person. Both sides hold true the underlying principal and only disagree on how that principal should be carried out. If nothing else, some baseline of respect should be established by virtue of that agreement. Death penalty supporters, on the other hand, reject that principal outright. They, far more than pro-choice activists, view the importance of human life as mutable and do away with the Seamless Garment of Life. If Kerry can't have communion, neither can Scalia. (Why hasn't the media picked up on this? Did I miss it?)
    Refusing the Eucharist is particularly offensive because in its oldest incarnation, the communion is a simple breaking of bread, a symbol of community (yes, there was a time before transubstantiation!) Refusing communion to any Catholic (or, if you really want to know my opinion, any person accepting it in good faith) is arch rudeness and therefore beneath contempt.

May 13, 2004
    Today I received a special gift for being the youngest member of the Lee County Education Association.   That made me feel kind of cool.  I'm only 22 years old.  Having a job where I boss so many people around on a daily basis makes me feel much older: at least 23, 23 and a half.

May 12, 2004
    Sadly, I didn't get hit by any students today.  Instead, one of my students blacked out at the beginning of fifth period.   I was trying to usher students in when I heard "LaToya fell on the floor."  And she had.  Long story short, a couple of teachers (Wait, I am the teacher.  Shit.) came and she got taken home. Apparently I'm not as cool under pressure as I had hoped.  "Mr. Courtney, your face got really red really fast."
    Wow, this year can't end fast enough.

May 11, 2004
    Today in fourth period one of my students hit me in the face, then elbowed me in the stomach, then threatened to hit me in the jaw.  She got arrested.  I got to go to the police station to fill out a report.  Yeah.  I think we can call that the "low point" of my day.  I really don't think that she intended to hurt me (although my nose is still kind of sore.)  I think that in summary I will resort to my standard pronouncement on the state of Lee County schools: what a mess.
    On the plus side I finished Three Junes which was pretty good.  Now I'm onto The French Lieutenant's Woman.

May 10, 2004
    I had to take the day off today to wait for the repairman from Sears to come and fix our washing machine.  Actually, even though he was supposed to come between 8 AM and noon, I needn't have taken the day off at all since he came at 4:45.  I was irritated.
    It's looking as if some of the second year teachers might be staying for a third year.  As I am trying not to jinx anything I have so far refrained from doing a tiny dance of joy.
    Twelve days of school left.  It seems like forever, which I'm sure says something less than flattering about me.

May 8, 2004
    Today I drove 300 miles to go to a party.  Good party though.

May 7, 2004
    Today's post is rather lengthy, so I've chosen to put it on a separate page.  My father took difference with my somewhat perfunctory comments on America's unhealthy (and dangerous) obsession with heroism and, more specifically, with the word "hero."  I've posted his comments along with my rather overblown response here.   If you were offended (which, to be truthful, I kind of hope you were) you should read it.
    The rest of my day was rather unexciting.  Friday means silent reading day which is always a welcomed relief. There was another field trip today for kids who didn't get any referrals this year which meant all my classes were a little smaller than usual.  Only 12 more days of teaching left.  It feels like only yesterday my children were screaming about how much they hated me and how awful a teacher I was.  Oh, wait.  Never mind.

May 6, 2004
    I decided not to post an update yesterday since it was going to boil down to "Today sucks."  Because it did.
    Today, with the notable exception of first period, did not suck too much.  I've given up on trying to educate my fifth period.  I'm not sure if it's sad that I've given up or just pathetic that I waited this long.  We did grammar worksheets which I consider to be nothing more than busy work.  On the other hand, if they learn a little from the worksheets, it's a step up from our class of late in which they were learning nothing at all.
    I watched the second half of the last episode of friends and wished that I had skipped even that.  It reminded me that television is evil and thinks I'm stupid.  Give me radio any day!
    If you don't mind a quick rant, how can anyone, anyone, be voting for George Bush?  Political philosophies aside, this man is just plain dangerous.  In the absence of a compelling, well articulated justification of the war, I can't say that it's any surprise that Bush's extremely messy "them evil" argument spilled over into flagrant abuse of power.  The White House press machine has so thoroughly dehumanized all opposition in the eyes of the "American People*" that it's only logical that Iraqi prisoners were dehumanized in the eyes of the American Soldiers.  This is supposed to reduce terrorism?
    Oh, and while I'm at it, could I say that if I read about another "American hero" in our supposedly unbiased media, I'm gonna throw up.  It's a devaluation of the word.  I hate when people do that!

* - Ugh.  I hate when people say that.

May 4, 2004
    The field trip today was actually a lot of fun.  Unsurprisingly for our district, a "field trip" basically means "a trip to a field."  I brought a soccer ball so we started a game.  Sadly none of these kids play soccer so we had to cover some very basic rules ("No, don't use your hands.   Never.")  It was nice to play with the kids, though, as opposed to just giving them detention like I usually do.

May 3, 2004
    Today in fifth period I was giving my "you're not going to succeed in college with that attitude" speech when a student asked where I went to school.  Georgetown, I told him.  The girl next to him asked what degree I had.  I told her I had my BA.  She informed me that I had no right to go acting as if I were "all that" unless I had my Master's degree at the very least.  Allow me to point out that this student is in eighth grade and has trouble composing a complete sentence.  And yet my four year degree just isn't enough to teach her.  Imagine what kind of education you must need to teach kids who actually want to learn!
    We have a field trip tomorrow which was announced today.  There don't seem to be any scheduled activities involved in the trip.  I think the plan is just to go to a state park and let the kids kick the crap out of each other.  I'm bringing my book.

May 1, 2004
    Holy crap.  It's May.  I done teaching in 26 more days.  Not school days, just days.  Wow.
    Picked up trash this morning with the Marianna Beautification Committee.  It was actually quite relaxing.  It was nice to be up early (for a Saturday) and the weather was cool and nice until it started to rain.  While I was picking out bits of styrofoam from an abandoned lot I started thinking about what a great job that would be.  I mean, not really, but it's just so damn satisfying.  If everyday instead of going to school I went out to picked up trash, sure, my back would hurt, but, damn, I'd have something to show for it.  A pile of black plastic garbage bags towering up to the sky, each one full of hundreds of cigarette buts, Styrofoam cups, old newspapers, audio tape pulled off the reel into long metallic streamers, thousands of little pieces of litter all cleaned up, tiny indiscretions and eyesores all remedied by me. How rewarding!  Instead I teach.  In my head I know that the change I effect is more meaningful, but after (almost) a whole year, I don't really have anything to show, to look at.  What a pity.
    On the way home someone invited me to join the committee.  I was flattered and excited -- think of all the physical evidences of my work! -- but I think I'll turn it down.  It's not really what I came here to do.

April 30, 2004
    Yeah, so that place I was going to live this summer?  Not going to happen.  Boo.  On the plus side, the note of desperation that I inserted into my craigslist e-mails seems to have paid off, so I think I got a replacement already.  Was it wrong to say, "Please let me live in your house this summer.  Or I'll kill myself," to get a place a place to live?  I say that the ends justify the means.
    Other that that today was pretty crappy.  It's hard enough to teach kids who are four or five years behind, but having to fight with them and their parents and the administration in order to do it (in April, people, April!) is just a little too much to bear.  I only have 18 days left of teaching though and the last three, I admit it, I'm not even gonna try.  Up until then, we'll see.
    I finished rereading The Great Gatsby yesterday.  What an amazing book.  Slight, yes, but complicated too.  Very complicated.  Also, I'm pleased to say that Jay Gatsby's obsession with Daisy puts my internet stalking to shame.  I'll never again feel ashamed to check someone's away message twenty times in the course of an hour.   Ok, maybe a little ashamed, but not nearly as much as usual.
    Last but not least, a moment of silence for Bob Edwards.  I woke up today as he was finishing his last broadcast as host of Morning Edition.  I got kind of choked up before I even got out of bed.  I'm completely baffled as to why NPR management couldn't hold off another six months to let him complete twenty-five years.  It seems like a slap in the face to me.  I'll miss you Bob.

April 28, 2004
    Guess who's really close to getting a place to live?  Boo-yeah.  Dan (who is awesome) went to go check on a craigslist place for me last night, so it looks like I'm all set.  Today in class someone left a pad (yes, that kind of pad) in the middle of my floor.  Yesterday someone yelled out "Drew stinks!" in the  middle of detention.  

April 26, 2004
    Are you still here?  C'mon people.  Let's look at these last few entries: crap, crap, crap.  If I were you I'd be demanding my money back.  I guess I'd say that I'm going to stop posting things on here that don't hold some minimal interest for people who aren't my mom, but since my mom is my most loyal reader, I'm just going to have to apologize to the rest of you (ha!) for expecting you to waste your time reading this.  (PS - Hi, Mom!)
    Most of my classes went pretty well today.  The end of this week is the end of April.  How fantastic.  It turns out that our district will be having 31 job openings for next year (!!) so I'm hoping for a whole bunch of hip TFAers to be placed in Marianna to keep me amused.
    I spent a lot of today lusting at the idea of grad school, in case you want to know my future plans for this week.

April 25, 2004
    I intended to get up early today and go to Memphis.  I actually did get up early, but Memphis didn't happen.  Instead I got mostly caught up on school work and tried in vain to get a movable type blog set up at courtney5.  I was totally defeated.  I also blew a (small) portion of my tax refund on Virginia Woolf books at Amazon and started rereading The Great Gatsby which I'm enjoying a lot.   Still trying to find a place to live in Washington this summer.  Several possibilities today, but nothing in hand.

April 24, 2004
    Went down to Lake Village with Joyce and Terry for a party.  It was fun even though it did begin to storm about two minutes after we got there.  After it stopped we got to sit out on the dock.  That's nice.  I like the water.  Joyce and Terry are great.

April 22, 2004
    Boo.  Kids suck.
    I did get to mow the lawn today.  That was the tallest grass I have ever cut.  Some people don't know what it's like to cut grass up to you knees, but I do.  And I'm richer for the experience.

April 21, 2004
    Pretty craptastic day.  In a lot of ways I think that my situation is at least as dire as it was in September.  Of course, in September I had more than 25 school days left.  Not that I'm counting.

April 20, 2004
    As promised, I didn't go to school today.  I had to get my windshield replaced.  Technically, I probably could have done that without missing school, but then I wouldn't have missed school, you see.  Brilliant reasoning.  I didn't really get a lot done, but I'm in a pretty good position work-wise so I'm not really sweating it.  I did manage to spend a whole lot of time reading about, you know, stuff on the the Internet.  I'm intrigued by the concept of the blog.  And by that I don't mean some stupid web journal someone keeps posting meaningless details of his life out of some egotistical fallacy that anyone cares about exactly who pissed him off in class today.  No way.  That's for losers.  [pause] [pause]  Crap.
    Anyway, I really like the blog as a way to join a larger conversation.  The Internet is great, but I think that in a lot of ways it's just sped up things we all did anyway (there was mail before there was e-mail and there were bookstores before there was Amazon) but I can't really think of an analogue for the blog before now.  I suppose those freewheeling, Bloomsbury group / Metaphysical Club type social circles might be the closest things, but how many people really had access to that?  So now I'm harassing Rob to start a blog with me at the so far underutilized courtney5.us. Watch out, Matt Yglesias.

April 19, 2004
    My eyes hurt from staring at this screen for so long.  Kind of working.  For some of that time.  But not all of it.  Hell no.  Please accept this comic strip in place of an entry from me today.  Thanks for understanding.

April 18, 2004
    A good weekend.  Yesterday was Professional Saturday followed by food at Ground Zero, the juke joint that Morgan Freeman owns in Clarksdale.  It was fun.  Amanda drives like a maniac. Today I went to pick up Ross at the airport, then lunch, then a visit to an art store in which I wanted to buy everything.   I drive less like a maniac and more like a blind person with an advanced neurological disorder.
    I'm not altogether too excited about this week, but neither am I particularly fearful.  I'm definitely taking a day off one day to get my windshield fixed, so that makes the whole thing seem a little more manageable.  

April 16, 2004
    Question of the day: is it possible that my arrogant, better-than-you air of smug self regard rubs some people the wrong way?  Five very good periods today, but two run-ins with adults (my para-pro and my principal.)  Note to self, only burn bridges after you've crossed them at least once. In both cases (of course) I'm in the right -- and pleased with myself for standing my ground -- but then again, see above.
    People came over for an impromptu barbecue tonight.  A very pleasant evening.  As the year gets closer to the end I realize more and more just how much I'm going to miss our second years.

April 15, 2004
    School today was pleasantly uneventful.  We got out early so that we could have the most pointless faculty meeting ever.  It was a blast (Where should we take kids to go eat after the awards banquet?  Quick!  Let's take 45 minutes to figure it out!)  
    The only real downer was that apparently one of my students is telling people that I cry during fifth period sometimes.  This wouldn't bother me except for that fact that not crying during fifth period has been one of my major accomplishments this year.  And besides, I like to think that if I snap it will be in a flood of vile, obscene cuss words, not tears.  I guess I need to talk to her about it, but it makes me feel like I'm actually in eighth grade again.  Terry suggests that I just embrace that feeling and confront her through a note.  I've written a draft below:

 Dear [Name omitted],

    R U telling lies about me behind my back?  Miss Davis said that U said that I cried during class and U know that that is a bald faced LIE!!! I don't know if U R or if U aren't but if U R then U R two faced and a really BAD FRIEND.  If U R telling lies U had better stop B4 I get my brother to smack U down after school.  U had better let me know real quick because I am sick of wasting my time with a two faced BAD FRIEND like U!!!!!  I never said nothing bad about U even when Lydia said that U peed yourself in gym class and everyone laughed.  So did U lie?  (Circle one) Yes     No.
    Write back.

You're teacher,
Mr. "Big Dog" Courtney

PS - Tyler likes U!!!!

April 14, 2004
    So today was going pretty well until about 3:30.  School was the usual mixed bag.  I kind of gave up on trying to teach anything at all to my seventh period students, so we read Sideways Stories from Wayside School which is absolutely impossible to not like.  Today's detention was optional (they could wait until Tuesday if they wanted) so I only had three kids -- piece of cake.  Then a certain student decided to bring his mother in to argue about how many detentions he had.  For the sake of context, let it be known that after run-ins with this particular mother in the past I've spent the last several months cutting this kid way, way too much slack.  (For example, today he thought his chair was dirty, so I cleaned it with rubbing alcohol in the middle of class.  Sadly this didn't stop him from getting detention or from disrupting my whole class several more times after that.)  Anyway, after Mother started yelling at me in front of my detention kids I asked her to step outside the room.  She did, but she made a point of stepping back inside so that the kids could hear loud and clear when she called me a racist.
    "They have a right to know," she pointed out.
    "You need to leave my room now," I responded.  This was pretty lucky for everyone involved since some of the other things I considered saying (commenting on her parenting skills perhaps?) most likely would have gotten me fired quickly.
    After she left I got Melissa to watch my room so that I could get the kid taken out of my class.  Yep, I give up.  I can fight with the kids, I can fight with  the school, but if parents want to start throwing bullshit at me, they can teach their own fucking kids.  Am I pissed?  Oh yeah.  I'd like to think that this is the end of it but I'm willing to bet that every time I assign a detention in seventh period from now on I'll get to deal with, "you just hate black kids."
    As I say, I'm pissed, but it does really sting.  I push my kids hard and I demand a lot of them.  If that didn't rub some people the wrong way it would mean that I wasn't doing a very good job.  Still, what a mess.

April 13, 2004
    One day back and I already want to strangle a whole lot of people.  It's these kinds of emotions that mean I probably shouldn't be a teacher.
    I've spent the day wrangling with housing for the summer.  Came really close to getting a place until I found out that just because it's a single doesn't mean that I have the room to myself.  Umm . . .  I'm sure that your roommate is great and all, but I don't think that's gonna work.
    Watched Bush on TV.  Why doesn't anyone ever call attention to the fact that he just refused to answer most of the tough questions (joint testimony anyone)?  And that he referred to "Secretary of State Rumsfeld?"  And that he says "umm" more than the leader of the free world ought to?  And that Iraq had, has, and will have no link to 9/11 ever ever ever?  And why isn't Iraq the new Vietnam, George?  Just saying that it isn't ain't enough.
    In The Partly Cloudy Patriot Sarah Vowell speaks of a man who at Bush's inauguration carried a sign that said simply "I hate you."  Sometimes I am become that man.

April 12, 2004
    Back from Buffalo.  It was, all told, a pretty fantastic weekend.  Basically I went home and got taken care of by my parents.  I read my book, watched movies, and took long hot showers.  As I said: fantastic.
    On Friday we saw Goodbye, Lenin! which was one of the better movies I've seen in some time.  I think it was the first movie, (or, hell, anything) I've seen that actually gave an earnest look back at what communism might have been.  I don't mean to say it's a good system -- as the twentieth century shows pretty clearly it Doesn't Work -- but I think we forget that people don't support socialism because they hate freedom; they do it because they believe that if we work hard enough at it we really all can be equal. That's a beautiful idea when you think about it.  Capitalism (the worst economic system in history except for all the others) doesn't say anything of the sort.  I try to face up to reality, so I'm not a socialist, but it saddens me that we think ideas like that aren't even worth taking seriously anymore.
    Anyway, my parents saw nothing of the sort in the movie, but they liked it nonetheless.
    Now I'm back in Marianna and, as usual, I'm dreading the idea of returning to school tomorrow.  I'm going to resist posting a countdown (for now) but the end is in sight.
    Congratulations to Ryan who has officially joined up with the Peace Corps.  That rules.

April 6, 2004
    All my resolutions seem to be falling to pieces (most likely as a result of "The Most Unproductive Weekend Ever.")  My room is getting messy, my grading is almost-but-not-quite done, and I haven't picked up a book in some time.  Boo.  Luckily the week is short.
    Today was a kick ass and take names kind of teaching day.  That's mostly a good thing, but it makes me feel very unpopular.  

April 5, 2004
    I came pretty damn close to not going in to school today, but habit got the better of me so I did end up at everyone's favorite dysfunctional middle school.  All in all it went pretty well.  Patricia decided that I needed some snacks so she sent in baked goods which really made my day right there.  Four periods got to listen to the "Fiasco" act from This American Life.  They actually kind of liked it.  In fact everything was going well until period seven.  I explained our interview project and told how I myself had interviewed my grandfather as part of a similar project in high school.  I mentioned that he fought in WWII and was in charge of cleaning out Bergen-Belsen which, of course, necessitated a quick review of WWII and Nazism as a whole.  I was glad to be giving them some tiny bit of history (few had ever heard of the Holocaust; fewer still knew what it was) until Nikki, one of my best students, piped up and said, "But I just saw The Passion of the Christ.  The Jews killed Jesus!"
    The horror of trying to fight this kind of thinking is surpassed only by the horror of trying to fight this kind of thinking in my seventh period class.  Certain students who don't like me so much decided that if I liked Jewish people so much (a) I must be one and (b) continuing to say that the Jews killed Christ is a great way to get under Mr. Courtney's skin.  Aside from being told "You don't think that seventh period is smart because we're all black," (!?!) the discussion (if you can call it that) almost came close to going tolerably well.  But not really.
    There are so many trite things to say about a conversation like that.  I just want to mention that in the moment I was surprised at the way hearing  things like that still hits at a gut level. I kind of wanted to be sick.
    Pictures from my trip to San Francisco are here.

April 4, 2004
    Sadly, today was more like yesterday than is healthy.  I admit that I'm kind of thinking of not going in to school tomorrow (worry not, I almost definitely will) since I'm not really ready to start the new unit and I have enough days stored up to call in sick at least once a week for the rest of the year.  And I don't want to go.  But I probably will.  I think.
    Daylight savings hit kind of hard today.  I think one more hour and I'd almost be ok.
    I'm going a little stir crazy around here.  It's not like it was early on in the year, (i.e.- I'm not thinking of faking a heart attack to get out of my job,) it's just that my impatience is growing.  Now that I'm starting to make plans about moving back to DC, I really want to be there right now.  I'm weary of this place (which is different than sick of it.)  For instance, since Kate was gone this weekend, I basically haven't spoken to anyone but my parents (twice) and my mice (as usual, you should avoid asking) since Friday afternoon.  In a city, I think I could manage to avoid doing that.  It's not that there's no one around, it's just . . .  different.
    Thank god this is a four day week.

April 3, 2004
    Today I couldn't even get up the energy to watch TV properly.  It was that kind of Saturday.

April 1, 2004
    Testing is over.  I've been pretty adept at avoiding work today.  I did manage to find the time to alphabetize my bookshelf though.  I'd like to blame that on living in the delta, but really that kind of behavior is pretty typical for me.  It wasn't like I couldn't find my books (the shelf isn't that big) but it was a nice opportunity to ponder whether or not I'll ever read past chapter four of Ulysses.  (Answer: probably not.)  
    Also, seventh grade April Fools jokes are the most tiresome things ever.  ("Look, a spider. . . April Fools!!!"  "Look, a rat . . . . April Fools!!!"  "Look, a termite . . . " and so on.)  For some reason they didn't like my jokes quite so much. ("Hey, I looked at your grades and it I really think you're going to move on to eighth grade next year . . . .  April Fools!!!")

March 31, 2004
    Sweet Jesus, March is over.  Aside from the fact that my mix CD isn't going to go out until Saturday (let me know if you want a copy), I'm pretty thrilled about this (as I tend to be at the end of every month).  Now that it's April, I can say that the school year will be over next month!  Wow.
    Testing has been fairly dull.  Basically, I spend the first three and a half hours of school silently pacing around a room full of sixth graders, occasionally passing out sharp pencils and never, ever answering questions.  Aside from the fact that the kids don't seem to understand that it's wrong to cheat (sigh) it's almost relaxing.  For the last three periods of the day I just read short stories because I'm a crappy teacher and don't have anything else planned.  I decided against my better wisdom to read a story that I myself had written, but I was too scared to tell them that it's by me so I used a pseudonym.  Today we finished in sixth period.  Padren observed that the story was "stupid."  That made me feel good.

March 29, 2004
    All motivation has drained from my body.  Must, drink, beer.
    Today was kind of tough.  I really wanted to strangle some kids, but then again I think that asking them to "listen" to me for five minutes may have been rather ambitious.  Testing starts tomorrow.  I think that that just means a lot of standing around looking stern.  Should be a blast.  I'm not entirely sure what to do with the three periods I actually teach tomorrow.  I think we are going to read a short story because it makes me happy.  Do middle schoolers like Flannery O'Connor?  Only time will tell.  Then again, I do have that Sam Shepherd collection Rob and Catherine gave me for Christmas . . .
    On an unrelated note, I found the following author bio penned into the back of my copy of the Torah.  Man, I clearly wasn't paying attention in class that day:

God is the author of two collections of stories, The Old Testament and The New Testament which was a finalist for the PEN-Faulkner Award.  His writing has appeared in Playboy and The New Yorker.  He lives with his son in Salt Lake City, Utah.

March 28, 2004
    I got up early and went jogging today because we were supposed to get thunderstorms in the early afternoon.  Much to my dismay there were no interesting weather patterns at all.  On the plus side, getting up early means that I got a lot done.  Like grading?  Well, no, not grading.  Planning then?  No, not really planning either.  Huh.  I did manage to clean the mouse cage and my room, input grades, print progress reports, iron, etc. so it wasn't all wasted.  Also, I read some.   And ate some soup.
    This week is the state Benchmark exam (the No Child Left Behind test) so I can't really do much of anything because of the messed up schedule.   Next week we start a new unit, but this week I'm a little confused.  We'll see what happens.  It would be really nice if the kids all did really well on the test.  Really nice.  Let's all hope for that real hard.
    Is it sad that the high point of my day was Six Feet Under?  Damn, that's a good show.

March 27, 2004
    Weekend = good.  I was supposed to go to Day of the Arts today, but my workshop (friendship bracelets) got canceled, so I went to Memphis instead and spent way too much money (books, new printer, pine shavings for Blake and Milton, etc.)  I did, however, manage to grade all of my essays from first period which rocks my world.  Benchmark tests are this week so I can't hand anything back until Friday anyway; if I can just get second and fourth done tomorrow I'll be on track like never before.
    We had a mind numbingly boring meeting all day long yesterday.  Sadly, there is very little to report other than that it looks like we will have DEAR time next year, which also rocks my world.  
   My parents are very graciously sponsoring a trip to Orchard Park for Easter which is really nice.  It turns out Easter is only two weeks away.  Who knew?  The end of the year is starting to get pleasantly close.
    Oh, and I'd like to mention that sometime last week this page received its 2000th hit.  Granted, my mother is responsible for at least 1500 of those visits, but still, people, if my life is interesting enough to read about you (like I) need to get out of the house more.

March 24, 2004
    So those of you keeping track may note that I have started jogging again.  For the most part I like to run around in the cotton fields near my house, but now that planting is beginning I'm starting to grow afraid of getting run over by a tractor or (as Joyce pointed out to me) inhaling a lethal dose of toxins when the crop dusters start spraying for bugs.  So today I decided to run on actual paved roads and go visit Amanda, my TFA friend who lives nearby.  It took twenty minutes to get there, during which time I had the fortune of running into multiple students ("Hey, look!  Mr. Courtney's jogging!!  Hahaha!!" being a choice quote.)  I arrived at Amanda's and stopped for a few minutes to say hello, then set off to get back just as it was getting on dusk.
    "I don't want to be running along the roads in the dark," I thought to myself, "I know, I'll cut through the woods!"  Now some of you may be thinking  that as an educated person, not to mention an Eagle Scout, I might be loathe to enter a strange wood just as it was getting dark, but you would be forgetting one key piece of information: I am incredibly, unfathomably stupid.  So I set off into the woods and decided all I had to do was cross a stream bed, run across the next field and bang, I'd be done.  First, it became apparent that while not filled with water, the stream bed was filled with mud.  Ok, no big deal.  Then I climbed up the opposite bank and saw the field -- just on the other side of a large briar patch.  "How painful could that be?" I asked myself.  Answer: very painful.  About halfway across, the sight of blood running down my legs persuaded me to find another path, so I climbed out of the thorns (ouch) and went back into the mud.
    The light got lower and I considered just going back the way I came, but decided hell no, that would be way too far now.  Instead I chose to head off down the stream bed (mud, mud, mud) until I found a rather large, muddy cliff and decided, (obviously), "home must be right over the top of that."  So I climbed up, crossed another (smaller) briar patch, and found myself in a field (rice I think?) which I had never seen before in my life and from which I could see neither any roads, nor any other sign of what passes for civilization around here.  After running around there for a while and completely disorienting myself, I did find a road (hooray!) across yet another field, this one freshly tilled.  Question, what do they do when they till fields?  Answer, add fertilizer.  Q: What kind of fertilizer?  A: Manure.  Right.  Finally, I arrived on the road, sweaty, exhausted, and covered in mud, blood and horse shit.  But it was all ok because I found myself . . .  a half mile further away than when I started.  I actually passed Amanda's house (in the dark this time) on the way home and found just enough sense in my largely empty head to just barely avoid a second attempt to take a "short cut" (It made sense at the time!)
    So I'm tired now and going to bed.  I kind of hurt.  On the plus side though I feel like a friggin' iron man.  (Which is sad when I realize that many people run further than that on a daily basis, but still.)

March 23, 2004
    My anti-procrastination kick seems to be lagging.  I did get a fair amount of stuff done today (grading, punching in grades, cleaning, opening a savings account) which all bode well, but then I watched a half hour each of "American Idol" and Old School.  That can't be good.
    School was up and down.  Fourth and six periods are almost fun while fifth almost caused me to walk out.  So we had a pop quiz.  Pedagogically, perhaps a little unwise, but at least they shut up.  Mostly.
    The real news today which has thrown me into an uncontrollable rage is that NPR is bumping Bob Edwards from his position as host of Morning Edition.  This is insane!  There's simply no debating the issue, Bob Edwards objectively rules.   There's only one reason I can see for anyone even considering this change: the management of NPR is smoking crack.  Loads and loads of crack.  Say no to drugs (specifically crack) and yes to Bob Edwards.

March 22, 2004
    Today one of my students said in class:  "Mr. Courtney, I don't want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but you need to go to a club.  You're not an ugly man.  You could go on dates.  There's this girl who lives down the street from me . . . "  Yes, it's official, my students aren't just trying to set me up on dates, they're trying to set me up on pity dates.
    In other news, I have given up procrastination cold turkey.  Well, cool turkey.  It's hard since it turns out I have no setting between I-wonder-if-random-person-updated-his-Friendster-profile and dead-of-a-heart-attack-at-twenty-three.  I'm going to try to compromise with bleeding-ulcer and call it a day.

March 21, 2004
    Stupid fucking everything.  Today went pretty well (cleaning grading and such) but of course I didn't finish until late because I had left myself such a pile of work and now I look at my gradebook and see that well over half my kids failed my course this quarter and I feel physically nauseated.
    Warning!!  Angst alert level High!!  Something isn't right.  I think that I should like my life a little more than I do.  Something needs to change and I'm not exactly sure what.  I just feel like I don't deserve to feel like everything sucks.  Sorry, I've been mood swing-y all day, month, year.  Grrr.  Might this bout of gloom have something to do with the everpresent dread of returning to school tomorrow?  Who knows?  Teach for America: there's no rational reason to join so don't bother coming up with some rational reason to quit.
    Ignore me.  I'll be better tomorrow.

March 20, 2004     
    I got back from San Francisco very early this morning.  The trip was great.  The bay area is really nice and I can see why people live there.  Maybe California isn't so bad after all.  Seeing Rob, Bruce, and Catherine was also a blast.  Sadly Rob and Catherine were busy a lot (what with law school and real jobs and all) so Bruce and I struck out on our own into the city for a few days and south to Monterey with Maggie for another.  It's hard to visit a city without feeling like an awful tourist, but aside from day one (Fisherman's Wharf and rental bikes) I think we did pretty well.
    Coming back was tough as always.  Between the red-eye flight and having to come home to grading and lesson planning, I was hating it up this morning.  Getting here was still good and I spent the day cleaning the spider breeding facility I like to call my bathroom (along with the rest of the house.)  
    I'm tired and have a lot to do tomorrow.

March 12, 2004
    A momentous day!
    1 - As promised, I wore no tie to school today.  No riots; only two kids got into a fight drawing blood.  I'm not going to blame the shirt.
    2 - Sixth period won a free day (thank God for behavior points) so I got to go outside and watch my boys play basketball for a while (the girls stayed in to use the Internet.)  It was nice.
    3 - Got a job!  Blanche Lincoln's chief of staff somehow got duped into hiring me as the all around press slave for the summer.  It's kind of my dream job.  I was starting to get a little worried that my summer plans were going to fall through; this is a big worry taken care of.  So now I'm all set to move back to DC from June to August.  Now, if you know where I can live (on the red line if at all possible) let me know.
    4 - It's spring break.  Woooo!  I'm leaving for San Francisco tomorrow to see Rob, Bruce, and Catherine.  I can't wait.

March 11, 2004
    Aside from fifth period, today went pretty well.  I can't wait for this year to be over, not because I hate my job (ummm, no comment) but because I do feel confident that I will do it better next year.
    I'm kind of in a mood where I want to sit and watch mindless crap on TV for a few hours.  I've been fighting the urge, but I think I should just give in and get it out of my system.  It's not like I'm productive, I just check out similarly mindless crap on the internet instead, for example this, a game which combines the pointlessness of "Elf Bowling" with the earnest dorkiness of, well, Al Gore.
    (May I digress for a moment?  I dig John Kerry and all, but I'd like us to all take a moment to consider again what a fantastic President Al Gore would have been.  Smart, practical, a man with a true vision for America.  He came so close to being one of the greats; forget about Clinton, Gore would have been the one with his face on a coin.  Instead we got everyone's favorite miserable failure.  Oh, I miss you Al.)
    Three quarters of the way through the year.  Damn, that's nice.  Also, I think that tomorrow, for the first time, I will not be wearing a tie to school.  *gasp*   I think it's sad that this is actually a very big thing for me.

March 10, 2004
    The most exciting part of my day was that I bought a cop of Whale Rider from my local video store today after amassing a late fee that makes even me, the king of procrastination, blush.  Also, detention.  Not prepared for school tomorrow.  I was too busy doing nothing.
    Two more (short) days until break.

March 9, 2004
    You can check out the draft of my class website here.  The address will change, but the pathetically simple design will not.   (Thank you to Gwynn for offering to help though.  Are you going to come visit the great north sometime?)

March 8, 2004
    Blogs are addictive and scary.  
    I accomplished so very little today that I can think of only one word to describe it: typical.  I'd try to do better at it tomorrow, but I'm having a hard time making myself care too much.  I did read the beginnings of a great 5 paragraph essay today.  The thesis: "Waiting to Exhale is the worst movie ever."  It was pretty damn funny.

March 7, 2004
    Catch up day at home.  Good weather = good mood.
    I bought Blake and Milton a wheel in Memphis yesterday and put it in the tank today.  Blake ran for hours, no kidding, hours.  It made me happy that he was getting exercise.  Then it made me feel guilty, so I went jogging.  He was still going when I got back. Not only are my mice my only friends, but now they're in better shape than I am.
    Also cleaned our garbage can.  The lack of drainage holes at the bottom had lead to about 3 feet of water building up at the bottom in which our garbage could rot and fester.  Today I cleaned it out.  At home, this would be one of those jobs we would just let my father do.  How I miss those days.  I don't want to gross you out (ok, I do) but even with rubber gloves and a garden hose I was forced to say, "eww, eww, gross" many, many times, and when finished throw all my clothes into the washer, shower, and then wash my hands until they were chapped and dry.  All day long I've been asking Kate, "do I smell like garbage?" She has very kindly dodged the question each and every time.

March 6, 2004
    Memphis.  Haircut.  Library.  Lots of time in the car.
    I saw ZB in Oklahoma! last night in Helena and was very proud to know the best actress in the show.  (It was ZB.)  I was overall rather impressed: big sets, pretty good cast, solid costumes.   I had a good time.  That said, Oklahoma! (not to be confused with Oklahoma,) is a much creepier show than I had anticipated.  I felt a little dirty.
    I've got basically the entire class website put together today, so I just need to get it up on the school website and then get some kids to care about it.  We'll see how that goes.  In Memphis today I saw a "Honk 4 Gay Marriage" group.  I honked.  It made my day.
    On the way back (well, on the way up, too) the weather was absolutely beautiful.  I had another "what the hell am I doing here" moment, but also I felt that another year here was possible, not easy, but possible.  I miss the city in the springtime, I mean I miss it until it hurts, but the delta in spring isn't so bad either.  The fields are starting to turn green and the sun is setting later.  It seems like nature is waking up.  I need to get outside tomorrow and go for a long walk.
    While I was getting my hair cut a seven year old boy was in the chair next to me.  His mom told the hairdresser what to do, and at the end the kid added on, "and don't touch my sideburns!"  For some reason I laughed so hard I almost got my ear clipped off.

March 4, 2004
    A fairly smooth day at school.  On student proposed as a thesis for his essay: "Beyonce is totally bootylicious."  I vetoed the idea on the grounds that I think it would be hard to come up with three supporting reasons ("Um . . . she's got a big booty.")  I also held my first after school detention today.  It was surprisingly nice.  Yes, it sucks to have to spend extra time disciplining the very kids who drive me crazy during class, but they were blissfully silent, which is OK with me.  I also got approval to start a website with my class, which I am very excited about, although it has to be part of the school's site so www.LanguageIsPower.com will go unclaimed for now. I started working on it a little tonight and am excited but a little nervous.  I'm not sure how I'm going to keep it updated as much as I'd like to.  I need to find a way to hand off some (or most) of the day to day work to the kids.  I'll keep thinking.  If anyone proficient at a design program more advanced than Netscape Composer wants to send a little help my way, it probably wouldn't hurt.  That's all I know how to do (or is it already that obvious?)

March 3, 2004
    Take this phone conversation with a parent from today:

"Carl needs to stay after school tomorrow for detention."
"What did he do?"
"I have written down that he said, 'You need to shut your ass up,' to the entire class.  Umm . . . I'm sorry to use that kind of language."
"So he cussed?"
"Yeah, I guess I should have just said that."

March 2, 2004
    Today the bus to take kids home was and hour and a half late.  That's really friggin late and a very long time to stand outside making sure that five very tired kids don't kill themselves.  The weather here is getting better, but still, I need to find something to talk about besides the weather (and teaching, I suppose.)
    Congratulations to John Kerry.  As much as I like John Edwards, it's nice to be done with the primaries.  Also, Kerry's speech tonight was good, I mean, not fantastic, but good enough to rid me of some of my lingering concerns.   Close ranks, people; the battle begins.

March 1, 2004
    Washington = fantastic.  The weather was beautiful the entire time and since this was (I'm told) the first warm weekend of the year it seemed like everyone was excited about it.  Flower vendors were out in Mt. Pleasant, people were holding hands in Dupont, anyone who's anyone (or wants to be someone) was breaking out the "cool clothes" at the Hirschhorn 24 Hour Psycho cool-fest (I felt like a dork, but then again, I am a dork.)  All weekend, short sleeves and happiness abounded.
    If you're lucky enough to still be in Washington you should definitely go to the HRC rally on Wednesday.  I can't go, so I need you to go for me.  Have fun: if anyone knows how to throw a good rally it's a gay rights group.
    Coming back to Arkansas is hard, but the end of the school year is only three calendar pages away.

February 26, 2004
    These have been the best three consecutive days in a long time.  My kids are generally well behaved and generally learning things.  I didn't even lose my temper during fifth period.  Sure I made one kid cry when I had a police officer threaten to take him to jail, but other than that, smooth sailing.
    Going to DC tomorrow.  Very excited; almost packed, almost planned.   Sure my life is dangerously out of control, but, hey, deal with it.

February 25, 2004
    Good day in school for the most part.  Sadly I'm going to bed feeling kind of sick.  While a day off tomorrow would, in many ways, be fantastic, I'd rather just be well and make it through the week.  Bed = good.

February 24, 2004
    I don't know how this day managed to go well since when I got to school I really had no idea what I was going to do and woke up feeling pretty crappy.  Still, the day managed to salvage itself and, for the most part, went pretty well.  We started five paragraph essays today which the kids took to when I told them that I was perfectly willing to let them write about their favorite movies, basketball teams, whatever.
    Book club was nice although sparsely attended.  We  meant to discuss Atonement, a book towards which I find I have very warm feelings, but since I read it last year it had gotten a little fuzzy in my head.  Conversation moved towards stories and what stories can mean. Interesting. Good times.   Now it's late and I want to go to bed so that getting up isn't too painful tomorrow.
    Allow me only a moment to speak directly to our President George W. Bush and his proposed constitutional amendment. You picked on the wrong faggot this time, asshole.  Back in high school maybe it was ok to pick on the queer kids, but times have changed. Perhaps one ought to avoid pissing off an increasingly vocal and important voting block with a relatively high level of education and disposable income.  My anger is matched only my determination to see you thrown the hell out of office.  If you haven't guessed, I think you should all give money to the HRC now and to the Democratic Presidential candidate once we get one.  Consider it an investment so that years from now you can say that you were on the right side when the cards were down.  Grr.  Stupid shrub.

February 22, 2004
    I go to DC on Friday which is very good, but I feel totally out of control going into this week.  I'm a little unclear as to what I'm teaching this week, but I am starting a new rewards system tomorrow that I hope will be good.  This weekend was warm and beautiful.  Spring is my favorite season.

February 21, 2004
    A good day. I feel like I learned some things at All Corps, and then everyone went to Ground Zero (Morgan Freeman's juke joint) and a bar (yes there is one; sadly it's an hour away) to celebrate Joyce and Terry's engagement.  Congratulations.  A good time had by all, although I'm very tired.   Also, I finished the beta version of my mix CD.  It's pretty good.  Let me know if you want a copy.

February 20, 2004
    Silent reading day makes me happy.  Silence and reading: two of my favorite things combined into one easy-plan activity.  The downside came when I received a short e-mail in my school account from the principal telling me that I couldn't use sentence copying as a consequence in class because kids should be excited about writing and not think of it as punishment.  I'm sorry, but give me a fucking break.  I'm the writing teacher.  I spend all day trying to get kids to enjoy writing.  If I want them to hate it sometimes, I feel that's my right.  Also, I myself had to copy sentences when I was in school and I think that my love of the English language turned out just fine thankyouverymuch.   I finally got a system in place (in February!) that almost works and he has to come and mess it up.   So after a long and pointless lecture about how nice it would be if I could change my classroom set up (I can't.) in response to my objection, I now get to run my own private detention twice a week because it's not like I don't have other things to do.  In conclusion: bitch, bitch, bitch; moan, moan, moan.
    On the bright side, it's the weekend.  That's good.
    Also, I got the camera in my classroom working well enough to take a picture of where I spend the bulk of my waking hours.  This is at the end of the day, so it's actually kind of messy.  I put all my cleaning energy into my room and have none left when I come home.

February 18, 2004
    Today one of my favorite students got arrested for bringing a gun to school and shooting at other kids over the weekend.  Poor kid.  He wrote pretty well.  The system will eat him alive now.  There's no going back.

February 17, 2004
    Umm . . . I didn't do anything interesting today.  Class was grinding and slow, like a car with brakepads worn away to nothing.

February 16, 2004
    Good day.  My interview (I thought it was a meeting, but now I've decided that it was an interview) went really well.  It would be very nice if it works out.  We'll see.
    While in Little Rock I made a brief visit to the Old State House where Clinton made his victory speech in 1992.  It was fun, but I only had fifty cents for the meter, so I couldn't stay long.  Basically I spent the day in the car listening to NPR and yelling at the idiots on "Talk of the Nation".  It was about gay marriage and the only sensible comment made the entire time was a thirteen year old girl who explained very clearly why it was unfair that her moms couldn't get married.  Everyone else pissed me off.
    Speaking of which, I wish that I was in San Francisco this weekend.  Not that I want to get married (ha!) but I think I'd love to go see the line outside City Hall.  It seems so . . .  happy.  Take, for example, the following quote from County Assessor and Recorder Mabel Teng : "I want to thank you for bringing so much joy and love to City Hall.  For those of you who tied a knot, congratulations. May you have a lifetime of happiness together." This is a bureaucrat, people!  Bureaucrats don't talk of love and joy and happiness.  They talk about forms!  We've all been trained for years to believe in the cruelty of strangers, (government employed strangers most of all,)  and yet here's this woman who (like all the officials involved) volunteered her holiday weekend to work for free so more people could make families and commit themselves to each other before the party ended.  Hundreds of people camped out all night in the rain because they're stupid in love.  Maybe the world isn't as bad as it seemed.

February 15, 2004
    I skipped yesterday's update, but I stand my decision.  If you couldn't live without it, here's a summary:  "Valentine's Day is stupid . . . I'm bored . . .  blah, blah, blah . . .  angst, angst, angst . . .  maybe if I die, then they'll all be sorry.  The end."  Yup.  That's it.  Be glad you got the short version.  I did get to go to the doctor for antibiotics though.  That was clearly the high point of my day.
    Today I went to Memphis and did very little but enjoyed it none the less.  I bought a book of spoken word poetry which I think my kids will like and two large containers of humus, which I know I will like.  I'm going to Little Rock for my Blanche Lincoln meeting tomorrow morning, so I need to go to sleep.  I really have no idea what's going to happen, but I guess since I'm not too keen to spend the summer in Little Rock, it probably doesn't matter.  I do need to get my applications for those other internships going though.  Yeah.  That's it.  I miss human contact.

February 13, 2004
    Sweet Jesus!  A good day at school.  I can't believe it.  The kids were generally well behaved and quiet.  We read a poem by William Carlos Williams and then one by Ani Difranco (I could hardly keep from giggling when the kids stumbled though reading ""the receipts, the bus schedules, the urgent napkin poems") which was almost universally rated as "tight."  Xavier went so far as to say, "Mr. Courtney, you're pretty cool when we get to know you."  I said that I thought Xavier was pretty cool too.
    Sadly, though, my stupid ear has decided to swell up and hurt again (see March 3, 2003 for details -- as if you'd actually want details of a gross swollen ear.   sicko.)   Actually, it's the other ear this time.  Either way, I think a good part of tomorrow will be spent looking for a doctor.  Stupid ear.  Stupid hearing things.

February 12, 2004
    Today was the day of cleaning.  I cleaned my desk at school and my half of the kitchen table at home.  The kids were surprisingly good.  We read Langston Hughes.
    I'd like to comment, if you will, on the events in Massachusetts this week.  Well, really I don't have much to say that hasn't been said; I guess I just want to stand in awe for a moment.  I'm not sure that the whole fiasco will end happily, but I'm mostly just shocked and amazed that it's happening at all.  This is a big shift for America, and frankly not one that I thought we would be seeing so soon.  I imagine that this is what the civil rights movement felt like in its heyday -- staggering progress with an uneasy sense of vertigo at the same time, a sudden awareness of just how much has been accomplished and a nauseated awareness of the possibility of defeat.  Heady and dangerous at once, as all truly good things are.  

February 11, 2004
    I taught a lesson today on appreciating the beauty all around you, but I'm not sure I really got through to me.

February 10, 2004
    Since progress reports go out tomorrow, I actually got work done tonight.  It was totally easy, but I hereby declare that I will never get this behind  in grading again.  I'm turning over a new leaf.  Really.
    Today in class we read "Buffalo Bill's" by e e cummings.  The kids liked it, I think.  After discussing the poem for some time (including an introduction in which I explain who Buffalo Bill is) a student asked me, "Is Buffalo Bill the guy who wrote the song that goes, [singing] 'she's a very kinky girl?'"   I told him that, no, that would be Rick James.  I'm not exactly sure how he got the two confused, but it was clearly the high point of my day.
    I hung up my posters today.  They look nice.

February 9, 2004
    We started our poetry unity today.  Results were mixed.  I think they'll enjoy actually writing the poems, which should start tomorrow.  Today we just read poems to make clear that they can cover all different topics and (even more shocking) don't have to rhyme.  I decided to offer a poem I wrote to show them that I too write poetry.  This was perhaps not the best idea.  After we read my poem, I asked for comments.  The first time I heard "boring, " "dull," and "It doesn't make any sense," I thought that my poetry was just over their heads, but around sixth period I felt I had to start taking them seriously.  I have been undone by twelve year olds.  Life is so sad.  The worst were the students who were giving me pity praise.  "Don't worry Mr. Courtney.  I thought your poem was ok."  What scares me is how well I recognize that tone of voice.
    On the plus side: I got my READ posters today.  Hoo-ray!  Now my students will know that Ani Difranco and Bernie Mac think that literacy is important.  Watch out Benchmark exam!  Also, my very kind parents used some frequent flyer miles to get me the hell out of this dump for a weekend.  DC, brace yourself!  My parents rule.

February 8, 2004
    Goddamnit, I didn't get anything done this weekend.  Again.  I suppose that's not true, but I didn't get my grades into the computer which is stupid.  I did pick out poems to read this week, which is good, but now I keep adding more and it's getting out of control.  Alas, I was unable to sneak in "Howl" which I had really hoped to do.  It's part of my "get fired" lesson plan.
    Maybe I'll just get up early and finish my planning tomorrow.   Or maybe tomorrow can just be unstructured learning.  I like that idea.

February 7, 2004
    Went into Memphis with Hannah today to see John Edwards.  It was a fun trip.  I was a little less impressed than I had hoped to be (after everyone said Edwards is the greatest speaker ever) but still, I'd be happy to have him in the White House.  Any lack of satisfaction was more than made up for when we got to meet one of the "Voting Elvi" -- an Elvis impersonator for Edwards.  How Memphis.  I got his picture with Hannah and will post it if I can find a scanner.   He was incredibly offended when someone asked if he was a real Elvis impersonator or a fake Elvis impersonator.  I imagine this is the kind of question that can get you beat up pretty bad if you ask the wrong person.
    Went to the bookstore where I got Tales of the City to get psyched about visiting Rob and Catherine, and Mutiny on the Bounty because my Mom has been trying to get one of us to read it for as long as I can remember.  We saw The Cooler which was a gritty drama based on a plot that should have been a teen comedy.  It was ok.  
    When we got back to Marianna, I attempted to offer Hannah some food but found I was all out.  We went to Food Giant to buy milk, then returned to some delicious cold cereal.  Who says I'm not a good host?

February 5, 2004
    I'm just really tired.
    I'm not answering the phone anymore.  I now only communicate through media I can access through my laptop.  Feel free to IM, but don't bother calling.  Grr.

February 4, 2004
    Today two kids in different periods chose to use writing time to write about how much they hate my class in general and me in particular, two swore at me, one got sent to an alternative school for behavior issues, one got expelled, and another got a guidance referral (from me!) after choosing "when I hit my girl with a baseball bat" for his next writing topic.  I filed half a pile of papers that have been on my floor for well over three months, threw away several piles more, and instructed three different classes to "come with a new attitude tomorrow or don't come at all."  Fifth period dumped all their disks on the floor; second period dumped all their binders.  Midway through telling a seventh period student to "stop talking so other people can learn while you choose to stay ignorant," I thought, you know, I'm finally getting the hang of this job.
    I bought my ticket to visit Rob and Catherine over spring break tonight.  Go me.   I'm finally reading The Blind Assassin which is very good.

February 3, 2004
    School went pretty well.  I think that I'm getting better at lecturing my kids (Read: yelling at them.  My current favorite, "If you don't want to learn, then just tell your parents that Mr. Courtney told you not to come back to school tomorrow!  If they have a problem with that, I'll be more than happy to talk to them about your behavior!"  It's very satisfying, because, of course, telling their parents would imply that they, in fact, don't want to learn, which would please their parents none too much.  Win-win for me!)  The kids have calmed down some this week which means they are actually writing, which in turn means that the possibility exists that they might be learning something.
    Watched election returns all night.  I'm wearing a ridiculous hat around the house which keeps me warm but makes my head look like a mushroom.

February 2, 2004
    So I skipped the Super Bowl last night and generally moped around the house.  I feel a little left out regarding  the whole Janet Jackson - Justin Timberlake thing.  What does it say about me that I found out about the whole episode from Morning Edition this morning?  (Answer: that I'm a loser.  Check.)
    Got duped into signing the form to stay for another year today.  No big shock.  I guess I feel better about it.
    I have a meeting set up with the Blanche Lincoln campaign for two weeks from now.  It's nice to be looking at job prospects for this summer, but I'd still really like to be in DC.  We'll see.

February 1, 2004
    Because I had nothing better to do last night (what a shock) I went to the opera in Memphis.  A little long, but still well worth the trip.  I was in the $10 cheap seats which are really, really far back, but it's a nice mix of people in ball gowns and people in blue jeans.  I like my opera populist.  My seat was next to a nice woman named Michale (it sounded russian, I don't know how to spell it.)  who was very excited that this was my first time hearing The Marriage of Figgaro.  I told her that the last opera I saw was in French and subtitled in Polish, so just knowing what was going on made this one much, much better.  In another sense, though, I like it better when I don't know what they're saying.  The music is beautiful and then the subtitles say things like, "We have won without a lawyer!"  or, "Now I'll teach him a lesson."  Not exactly Shakespeare.
    I should do some work today, but instead I think I'll read, watch the Super Bowl (or, who am I kidding, Sex and the City,) and then panic late tonight.  Sounds like a plan.  (Go Patriots.)
    January is over.  That's a good thing. (Four months left, baby.)

January 29, 2004
One of my students was found working on the following letter:

January 26,2004

President Bush I think that in Anna Strong middle
School there is this teacher that teaches writing lab and everyone
Hates him so much because he try's to act like all the other teachers
He writes us up if we talk or laugh. He really need to learn that he
needs
To be his self and stop writing us up for nothing because one day he
might just do him the [letter unfinished]

This breaks my heart. Why? Because clearly, clearly, this child has not heard me begging all my students to include a clear, defensible thesis. Also, she is pressing enter at the end of every line, so it looks like hell, and the first letter of each line is capitalized for no grammatical reason. And did she outline before she started writing? Hell, no!! If I were writing the letter, it would go something like this.

Dear Mr. President:

I am a student at Anna Strong Middle School. We have many great teachers here, but one of them is really awful. You should fire my Writing Lab Teacher, Mr. Courtney. [NB: my thesis]

To begin with, Mr. Courtney clearly has no idea what he is doing. He often says things like "you guys know what I mean, right?" at the end of long rambling explanations of things like subject and predicate -- topics that no teacher who has read a book on education in the last twenty years would think is important. Other times he just stands with his eyes closed in the middle of the classroom muttering, "Please, please, please, shut up, shut up, shut up."

Mr. Courtney also keeps trying to talk to us about old dead writers like William Shakespeare. All his examples of subject and predicate have to do with Shakespeare and if you are dumb enough to ask him what the heck he's talking about he'll let loose with a twenty-five minute oration on the metaphysics of King Lear.  Bo-ring!!

Finally, President Bush, Mr. Courtney is clearly either a communist or a terrorist -- most likely both. He won't let us say things like "pimp," "that's so gay," "gypped," or "bitch," because he's got some kind of ultra-leftist hang-up for political correctness. He made us have a "Winter Celebration" instead of a Christmas party and then tried to teach us Hebrew!  His ridiculous use of gender neutral language makes his ranting even more incomprehensible than it would be otherwise and every once in a while he shouts things like, "If we're going to kick President Bush out of office, we've got to organize now!!"

He has a bottle on his desk that he says is rubbing alcohol to sterilize the keyboards between classes, but we all have our suspicions.

In conclusion, you must fire this man immediately. He is clearly a danger to himself and others. There is no way he should be allowed near impressionable minds like ours.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. If you need any more dirt on Mr. Courtney, please don't hesitate to contact me.

 Sincerely,
 XXXXXXXX

See, that's what this letter should look like! An opening, a closing, supporting arguments with details!! Get with the program kids.

January 27, 2004
    Today Miss Yousefi gave me a mug for helping out with Quiz Bowl on Saturday.  Printed on it was the phrase, "Kids are Special."  She had modified it with a marker to read, "Most Kids are Special."  My thoughts exactly.

January 26, 2004
    Today didn't really suck!  I mean, not more than usual. I got bitched out by a student in front of an entire class, but since I had asked her to stay after class to voice her concerns I actually let her.   Then I had a parent who showed up to sign his daughter back into school and asked, "what should I do?"  I explained that his daughter has repeatedly disrupted my class and he needs to talk to her about whether or not she wants to learn to read and write.  To this he replied, "I mean, where do I sign?  I have to get back to work."  But sixth period went really smoothly and most of the others weren't so bad either.  I'm telling you, if I could just off a couple of my kids, the rest would all do a thousand times better.  Stupid "no killing your students" rule.

January 25, 2004
    It was a bad week.  Maybe this week will be better.
    Enough talk about work.  I just took the TV out of my room and put it in the front room where it is now facing a corner.  I just watched the Golden Globes and realized that television is my drug of choice and like any addict, I can't have it too close at hand.  I should go cold turkey, but hey, I'm only human.  If it's out of my room I should be ok.  I would like to have gotten some more things crossed off my list today -- stupid Hollywood Foreign Press Association.  
    I went to Helena twice this weekend.  Social butterfly.  Cleaned the mouse cage.  Ate some eggs.  Big excitement.
    Katharine Graham's Personal History is a great book by the way.

January 13, 2004
    My job: not great.  "Moderately crappy" and "typical" are now interchangeable in my vocabulary.  During one bout of discipline, I really thought a kid was going to flip out and punch me.  My first thought was, "If he punches me, I bet I can get the rest of the day off."  Sadly, he just started to shake and cry instead.  Hooray.  Life is hell and now I make kids cry.  That's two days in a row.   Go me!

January 5, 2004
    School today: not as bad as I feared (as always.)  Sadly I did not get the posters that I had ordered for my classroom (here, here, here, etc.)  Boo. But I did get 150 computer disks so my kids can never accuse each other of deleting their files ever again!!  Hahaha!!  Life not so bad.  That's good.

January 4, 2004
    Back in the delta.  Whenever I come back I'm amazed that I do actually have a life here: friends, car, house, habits.  Not just a job.  That's nice.

January 1, 2004
    I'm afraid that I'm already really pessimistic about this year.  Who knows, maybe it will be fantastic.  Maybe Dean will win.  Maybe a new time saving device will combine washer and dryer technology into one low-priced machine.  Maybe the African rhino will make a comeback.  Maybe LCSD will let me teach GT.  Maybe no one will be hungry and a trove of Blake's lost writing will be found.  Who knows.
    In the mean time, I have some pictures here and here.  Some of you may recognize them as the Polaroids I carried around Washington in October (October!  It seems like a year ago.) and you'd be right.  These are pictures of Arkansas, Mississippi and Tennessee.  Except for the picture of Ian.  That's DC (obviously.)
    Happy new year, all.

December 29, 2003
    No update in a long time.  Highlights:
        1 - I'm home.
        2 - I went to go see In America with my mom.  The movie was great, but the theater was even better: one of those big old theaters with seats for hundreds.  The slope is really gentle, so when the movie starts you can see all the people in front of you silhouetted against the screen.  There's a huge dome in the middle of the ceiling with a mural of some sort that's dirty beyond recognition.  Because the place is getting more than a little run down they never turn the lights up very high.  The whole place is probably on it's last legs.  Pity.
        3 - Rob and Catherine were here for a few days.  That was nice.  Too bad they live so damn far away.  I think I'm going to go visit for spring break.
        4 - Christmas: LOTR!!! Wooo!!  Also a new comforter and other rockin' gifts.  My family rules.
        5 - Just got back from Boston/Courtney Christmas.  It was nice, but I think I'm glad to be home.  Went to the Aquarium.  I was even better than I remembered but if I hear another kid say "look, it's Nemo!" I'm gonna throw the little bastard in the piranha tank.  There were fish before Pixar!!!
        6 - Notice how I haven't mentioned grading?  Yeah.  Huh.

December 19, 2003
    Well, I made it though the week, but sadly, I have melted into a puddle of goo in the process.  The kids started off the week a little hyped up and ended it by verging into total, raving lunacy.  I wrote up way too many kids for a day in which my lesson objective was "Student will be able to watch the first 53 minutes of Monsters, Inc."  I'm pretty sure that I'm just going to leave a day early next year and avoid this mess entirely.  The highlight of my day was when a student came into my room and wished me a happy Hanukkah.   If I've taught them nothing else, at least my students know I'm Jewish . . . even if I'm not.
    Anyway, it's now 11:30 and I would really like to finish packing so that I can leave tomorrow at a reasonable time and maybe, just maybe, not have to bring home all of my grading.
    I saw Lord of the Rings last night.  It is so incredibly fantastic I can't even begin to describe it.

December 14, 2003
    Boy, was today boring.  I spent a lot of time not so much avoiding work as just not caring.  I read a little.  I drank some hot chocolate.  I spent way too much time doing nothing at all on friendster.  I did manage to finally put some pictures of students up here, so I guess that's something.
    This evening we all went to a Christmas party in Helena thrown by rich folks for TFAers.  It was really nice but really weird.  The only non-TFA black people there were the hired help.  Working in the schools where the problems and poverty are so ingrained it's easy to forget that that's only one half of the equation.  There are some really, really rich people around here too.  They invite us to dinner at their house and we try to ignore that, ultimately, we're trying to dismantle the system that keeps them where they are. Anyway, the party was nice if a little uncomfortable, out hosts were unfailingly kind and conversation about politics was rigorously avoided.    
    I have no idea what I can teach in three days this week (I've written off the last two.  I'm going to try to read aloud.)  I'm moderately tempted to call in sick at least once so as to get some grading done before I go home (it obviously didn't get done today), get my windshield fixed, and see Lord of the Rings.

December 13, 2003
    My dad sent me this comic.  It is way, way too telling of my life.
     The Marianna Christmas parade was last night.  It was, as always, a learning experience.  The policy for entry into the parade seemed to be: if your car has lights on it, you're in.  This is all well and good when the police and fire trucks are rolling past but I feel that it went a little too far when the Lee County Coroner's vehicle came along.  Yes, midway through the parade was a large white hearse with a single rotating light on top.  The worst part was that I was the only one who thought this was funny.  ("Ho, ho, ho . . .  Ho, ho . . . oh, my chest feels . . . [thud.]")    Everyone else seemed to think this was totally normal.  Welcome to the Delta: the land without irony.
    This week was pretty damn long; probably the longest week since the first week of institute.  Monday and Tuesday I came home and had to crawl directly into bed.  On Friday I had to do the same thing while drinking a beer.  I'm told next week will be longer.  Yikes.  I'm kind of counting down the days until I go back to Buffalo, although right now I have so much grading to do while at home that I'll be lucky if I get to leave the house while I'm there.
    Umm, lets see what else.  My room is cold.  My bed is warm.  That's all.

December 7, 2003
    Went to Memphis yesterday for the Scholastic warehouse book sale.  It was amazing.  I spent too much, but I got Harry Potter (1-4), Artemis Fowl (1-3), Holes (hardcover), Goosebumps (whatever), and Captain Underpants (1 & 2, and it came with a free Captain Underpants pencil.)  If my kids are half as excited about this as I am, I'll be thrilled.  I might go up again next week, but with a purchase order this time.  Then I found thrift store where I got a blazer ($4) and a T-shirt from a Baptist church that says "Armed and Dangerous" and has a bible verse.  Trust me, it rocks.
    I hate grading, but even more than I hate grading, I hate the idea of grading.

December 1, 2003
    Holy crap, it's December.  On one hand I'm thrilled that I've made it this long without becoming, uh, dead.  On the other . . . holy crap, it's December already.  Then again, I can now start listening to my "Charlie Brown Christmas" album without shame.  Always a plus.
    Thanksgiving was perhaps the greatest Thanksgiving ever.  My bed at home is soooooooo comfortable.  My family and dog are also very nice.  I finally read Everything is Illuminated and it was really really good.  Sadly, it was written by someone not much older than I, so I must hate him (as I hate all people that much better than me.)  Also read most of How to Be Alone while sitting in airports for almost twelve hours trying to get back to Arkansas.  Thank heavens for ZB who drove to Memphis to pick me up at 9:30 on a school night.  She is a fantastic person.  And not in that bad way.
    I am so going to grade stuff tomorrow.

November 22, 2003
    I know that technically I have two more days of teaching before Thanksgiving, but I'm having a hard time focusing on that.  I miss my parents and dog.
    Went to Memphis today.  Bought Disgrace, read in the library, ate some humus -- a good day.  No movie, but that's ok.   Talked to Ian and Tom online, that was nice.   Tried to clean my room but failed.  Umm, yeah.  That's it.  

November 18, 2003
    Booooo, grading!!!
    Booooo, interim reports!!!
    Booooo, kids punching each other in the face during second period!!!
    Yaaayy, Seamus Heany's audio recording of Beowulf!!!
    Yaaayy, previews for HBO's Angels in America!!!
    Yaaayy, fixed car!!!
    Yaaayy, Massachusetts Supreme Court!!!
    That's my day.
    So close to Thanksgiving I can taste it.

November 15, 2003
    Professional Saturday all day.  Not so bad actually.  Only seven more days of teaching before Thanksgiving.  I'm not desperate this time (like I was for DC) but I am still pretty excited.  It will be nice to be home for a few days.  I think Frisby really misses me.
    The reading conference in Little Rock was a big disappointment, actually.  I don't think I really learned anything that will be useful in the classroom.  As mentioned, though, professional saturday was pretty good, so I think I'm newly inspired.
    Oh, and I finally got a credit card.  Huzzah!

November 9, 2003
    So I've turned bad about updating again.  Big surprise.
    Last week went pretty well.  Three days is never too bad and even on top of that, four of my six periods did pretty well.  Another three day week this week before I head to Little Rock for a reading conference.  I actually did my planning last night so tonight shouldn't be too painful.  I bought Prof. Sanders' book today.  That's good.  I made a worksheet called "Your Friend the Comma."  Been reading a lot.  Umm, yeah that's about it.  Go, Arkansas.

November 3, 2003
    Quote of the Day: "Language alone protects us from the scariness of things with no names." Toni Morrison (now on a poster above the door in my classroom.)
    Today went well.  New group discipline system in place.  The highlight of today was clearly getting a call from a student pretending (very poorly) to be his own father.  It's hilarious, but he's still getting in trouble tomorrow.  Lowlight: getting sworn at by a parent trying to take her daughter out of my class.  Grrr . . .  
    I've been watching way too much TV lately.  This has got to stop.  I'm going to go read now to keep my brain from turning into complete mush.
    I go days on end and never hear anyone call me by my first name.  It's like I don't even have it anymore.  I've turned into Mr. Courtney.  It's rather uncomfortable, an identity I'm not sure I ever really wanted.

November 2, 2003
    Notes on my day:
    1 - Went to go Memphis.
    2 - Saw In the Cut which was very good, although I'm fairly certain that I was the only person in the theater who thought so.  I know I sound like a terrible terrible snob, but I think a lot of people didn't really get it.  It's not a serial killer flick, it's a movie about sexuality and violence that just happens to feature a serial killer -- kind of the opposite of Kill Bill (which is an action movie obsessed with being an action movie.)  Really good.  Let me know if you want to talk about it.
    3 - Bought tofu and Harper's.
    4 - Got hit by another car on the way out of the parking lot.  Totally not my fault (I was stopped.) No damage, but damn, I really am getting sick of this.  Then got pulled over for still having a headlight out.  Again, officer very nice when I explained that I just got the estimate, but grrr.  Will be happy when this is over.
    5 - Drove Hannah home after picking her up at the airport.  Took a little while to find her at the airport, but nice to have company on the way home.  I am officially elevating Hannah to my "Favorite People" list.  Congratulations.  Who says you can't read Brecht in kindergarten?
    6 - I am very upset that I missed the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror special.  It aired an hour early here.  I am ashamed to admit that I have been looking forward to this for literally weeks.
    7 - Three day teaching week.  Wooo!!!
    8 - Shower.  Shave.  Finish planning.  Bed.
    I survived October!  Go me!

October 29, 2003
    Very little to say.  I'm getting the gas turned on so I can have some heat finally, but in the meantime the gas company has dedicated itself to making my life as miserable as possible.  ("We'll be there sometime between noon and five on friday.")  Had a quiz in class today which meant almost ten minutes of near silence per period.  It was wonderful.  Then I fixed my broken toilet.  Again, wonderful.

October 28, 2003
    This week is Red Ribbon Week.  At our school we are decorating our doors in appreciation of that fact.  Unfortunately, we don't have any red paper, so all the doors are covered in orange which is, I guess, the next best thing.  Drugs rule!

October 26, 2003
    Wow, did I accomplish nothing today.  I did cook chili, which is very time consuming.  My chili procedure is: (1) add ingredients, (2) watch Wonder Boys and second half of Ocean's Eleven, (3) eat chili.  The first step is what makes the biggest difference in the final product, but step two takes the most time.  I really need to finish my lesson plans.  Bed feels good.
    Five day week.  It'll be ok.

October 25, 2003
    Had a mostly good day.  Memphis.  Movie.  Coffee (well, tea).  Record store.  Mouse food.  Then some jackass ran a red light and boom! -- car  crash.  The good news is that no one was hurt, the bad news is that the jackass was me (I was looking to see if the used bookstore was open; my dorkiness has become dangerous). Not too bad, all things considered, but that'll ruin the evening real quick.  So now I'm at home pouting, drinking, and generally wishing for a redo.  On the other hand, I'm well aware that it could have been much much worse; so life goes on.
    Saw Kill Bill.  In retrospect I enjoyed it, but at the time I really wanted to leave.  I'm not entirely sure that violence, no matter how niftily stylized, can be artistic so long as it's presented so uncritically.  Perhaps I'm being a snob again, but I'm not sure I needed to see quite so much blood spraying all over the little girl.
    Must go to sleep.  Will feel better tomorrow.

October 23, 2003
    Today was parent-teacher conference night, so eight hours of teaching followed by five hours of conferences.  It went pretty well really and I was  in a pretty good mood until I came home and realized that a certain bill had not been paid and therefore we have no water.  Yes, this is just like me, but damnit, I can't find the first notice (I paid bills just a few nights ago) and second notice has been here only a day or two.  I know, I know, my fault.  Grrr.  Still, I'd rather blame the billing system of Marianna Water and Sewer Department.  So now I'm going to sleep unwashed and pissed off.  Again: grrrr.

October 20, 2003
    On my way back to Arkansas from DC.  My grading is just about finished and since I'm so far behind in my lesson plans I don't really have to do much more for tomorrow.  Of course there's always more to do, but now I think I'm going to try to ease into the week.
    DC was fantastic.  It was a little awkward trying to schedule all my friends into one weekend, but it did make me feel very popular and lucky.  Everyone seems to be doing really well, albeit in different ways.   I really do miss everyone tremendously, but for various reasons I won't get into here I am, I think, finally glad to be doing this job (when I stand back and look at it.)  I would spend the next year and three quarters encouraging everyone to stay in DC and wait for me, but that might not really work out so I'm just going to resolve anew to stay in touch with people.  My friends rock.
    Walking around campus this weekend was the first time I really felt like a graduate.  Campus was nice and all and the Southwest  Quadrangle is tres sweet, but it seems very distant and I'm OK with that.
    I'm putting out a general call for phone numbers and addresses.  Give me yours if you don't think that I already have it.  If you think I do, I probably don't.
    Oh, and the songs of the weekend are "Old Dominion" by Eddie from Ohio and "The Beauty of the Rain" by Dar Williams which I've basically been listening to on a loop while doing all of my grading.  An interesting combination.
    Hooray for the end of the first quarter!
    Fuck the Yankees!
    Come visit in Arkansas!

October 14, 2003
    Today, while going to the bathroom after third period, I realized that I had somehow put my underwear on backwards this morning.  I think that's about all I need to say about my day.

October 13, 2003
    Teaching.  Many many things to tell.  Too tired.  I am going to DC this weekend (thank god.)  I am constantly amazed how I can hate hate hate this job for the first two periods of the day, almost kind of like it for the next four, and then go to sleep hating it all over again.  It shouldn't be that bad.  We are reading "The Tell-Tale Heart" which is a blast.
    May try to get back in the habit of updating page.  May not.  Only time will tell.
    Maybe we will have a snowday tomorrow.  *sigh*
    Rufus Wainwright's new CD is really good.
    4 days until DC.  4 days until DC.  4 days until DC.

July 12, 2003
    Marianna, Arkansas here I come.  Yes, it's official (well, as official as TFA cares to be) that I will be teaching in Lee Country, Arkansas at Anna Strong Middle School.  I'll be leaving for the delta next Saturday, so I'll be able to tell you more then.  I do know that I should be about an hour away from Memphis, TN, so I'll be availing myself of the season pass to Graceland.  If you need me, I'll be in the jungle room.
    Classes here are going well.  My four kids are doing as well as can be expected with the quality of instruction they are forced to deal with.   I suppose that's all one can ask.  Must go to another meeting.  My god, they really like meetings around here.
    Later, gator.

July 6, 2003
     There hasn't been any update in a while.  Sorry about that.  I'm sure your lives were extraordinarily empty without this slim ray of sunshine updated each day.  [pause] Hahahaha!!! Just kidding.
    So I'm in Houston which is a pretty nice and very big city.  I'm only weirded out that it is eerily clean.  Downtown Houston is clean, that is.  Attucks Middle School, where I am teaching 6th grade Language Arts, is a little less so.  People here are cool and fairly laid back considering the curve balls that have been pitched.  For example, I was planning on teaching 8th grade until the night before I started at which point I was shifted a few grades.  Oops!  Hey, at least I didn't just get handed an extra class as some people did, or have any days in which none of my students showed up, as happened to others.
    Tomorrow I'm finding out where I'll be teaching for the next two years, so I'll let people know asap so that you can all make travel plans.  Because I know you all want to visit me.  In the Delta. [pause] Hahahaha!!!!  I slay me!

June 11, 2003
    Well, I'm off to mess with Texas tomorrow.  Wish me luck.  I wish that I was done packing, but I am very very close (which is much better than normal).  Little has happened in the last few days except that, oh, Kate got engaged.  Yes, it's official, my friends are starting to get married.  We're all half way to death.  Hoo-ray!!  (No, really.  Congratulations Kate.  I'm very happy for you.)
    It took me a while and it's only the first part, but I do have some of the story of my trip to France written up.  More will follow.  Maybe.  We'll see how it goes.
    So yes, I'm leaving.  I'll still be at the same phone number (at least for the summer) and e-mail address (for good) and will probably be online at least a little.  But who knows.  Keep in touch.  

June 8, 2003
    Back in the US.  Now off to Kate's graduation party.  France was fun.  More to follow.  For now, let it only be said that they would be advised to back the United States in the next war, if only to get their hands on our superior shower curtain technology.

May 30, 2003
    Guess who just aced, aced, his high school english teaching exam?*  Boo-yeah!  So now, assuming that my fingerprints don't reveal me as a convicted felon in the state of Arkansas, I am all set to teach all over the Mississippi Delta.   I'm pretty psyched.  Observing has made me (1) excited to teach (2) horrified at the state of the American educational system.  Today someone was thrown out of every class I saw and, frankly, staying didn't seem to be that much more productive.   Very sad.
    I'm leaving for Paris with my family tomorrow, so I'll be out of touch (I know this breaks your hearts) but if you send me your address really really soon I'll send you a post-card.
    Oh, and if you are a rising sophomore or junior at Georgetown and you want to be the campus coordinator for Teach for America, let me know.
* - calculated score, not raw.  Are you kidding?

May 28, 2003
      I went in to Bennett HS in downtown Buffalo this morning.  Everything seemed to be going well until a class of freshmen, freshmen in high school, had to ask if I was a new student.  Teaching will be tough since I, apparently, look either 15 years old or dumb enough to have failed ninth grade english six times.  Otherwise the trip was good.  I didn't stay all that long, which was a pity, but what little I saw was an eye-opener.  It's very easy to criticize, but the teachers just seem beaten down.  Even success is measured in such modest terms that it's almost meaningless.  Sad, but I did feel like I could make a small difference.  Still have lots of reading to do (for TFA that is.  I also started A Moveable Feast to get psyched up for Paris.  A book of unspeakable beauty.)  but I don't have to get up early for the rest of the week.  Homeroom in my HS starts at 7:25 in the morning.  People, that just ain't healthy.  Also, 40 minute classes are insanely short.  
    I made spaghetti with vodka sauce for dinner.  This was my big excitement for the day.  I've never made it before and added twice as many crushed red peppers as the recipe called for and used half and half instead of heavy cream, but otherwise it turned out fine.
    Last week I asked Prof. Linafelt to send me an article he had talked about in class.  He sent the article, my final paper, and this single comic frame (left) with no explanation.  He rules.
    Today's song of the day is "Angel of the Morning" by Nina Simone.  I case you were wondering.

May 24, 2003
    Went shopping with Mom.  Went to Inn Cahoots at 4:00 (too early for beer).  Then saw The Prizefighters.  Best Band Ever.  Then some bar with Kate, Ryan, Dave and Jessie K who is awesome.  Olympic.  I smell like smoke.  It's 4:00 AM.  Jeff Buckley rules.

May 22, 2003
    Well, I've graduated.  The whole senior week thing was actually a lot of fun.  I'm kind of embarrassed at just how much I do enjoy being in a large, crowded, noisy room with a steady supply of cheap beer.  The highlight, though, was the trip to my aunt's house where we grilled and played on the rope swing.  Small children abounded and several of my friends are going to make really good parents which is terrifying.
    Graduation itself was nice.  It didn't rain, so all the college people got to graduate together.  The event was only somewhat marred by the speech given by Cardinal Arinze.  He decided that it would be a good time to give everyone a quick run-down of the Catholic church's most egregiously absurd list of social ills: abortion, birth control, pornography, homosexuality, and divorce.  Looking back it's kind of darkly hilarious, but at the time it was incredibly uncomfortable.  Afterwards, though, people have reacted extremely well.  I (like most people) had no idea what to do, but a champion emerged in the form of one Teresa Sanders, my theology advisor, who walked out.  That's a Rosa Parks kind of thing.  Which is amazing.  I feel that's the kind of ethics that most people never achieve: to know what is right and to do it.  Suffice it to say she is now high on the list of people to model my life after.  Also, a lot of other people have written to President DeGioia and Dean McAuliffe to ask them to formally disavow the comments.  It makes me feel good that people are willing to do that.  If you did, then thanks.
    Now I'm at home in Buffalo listening to Jeff Buckley, missing everyone, and otherwise getting nervous about Texas/Mississippi.  IM/E-mail me if you're bored too.  If you live in Buffalo, we can go to Inn Cahoots, everyone's favorite neighborhood bar.
    Also, check out Rob's newly updated homepage at www.courtney5.us

May 15, 2003
    Well graduation approaches. Despite my disinclination to agree with popular opinion, this is a good time to look back and see what there is to see. Graduation begs the question: "what have I learned in college?"
    It's hard to think back and identify with myself four years ago. Little things are the same. Once, midway through freshman year I cleaned my half of the carpet with pieces of packing tape to get off the dirt and hair. That is so something that I would still do. On the other hand, I feel older, more jaded. Maybe that's just today, but I'm not sure that I was so cynical freshman year, so comfortable with avoiding new people, so reticent to admit my faults.
    Some of this is because I'm smarter now. I have learned about theology and english, yes, but also about group dynamics. I've figured out that everyone is crazy, everyone has issues that they deal with every day. I've realized that not only is nothing clear, but nothing ever will be. But ultimately, I'm not a cynic. I think people are good. Fucked up, yes, but good. That's my self description and my description of my friends and family and everyone else and as graduation gets closer I'm thinking that it applies to life more broadly. Fucked up, but good.

May 5, 2003
    More chem (which ends tomorrow.)   Bought the new Flaming Lips CD.  Very good.  Also bought Everything Is Illuminated despite strict instructions to Dan that I was not allowed to purchase any new books at Barnes and Noble.  Damn him!!  In other news: sleep is good, the world is large and confusing and I will be seeing my grandparents on Thursday.  Huz-zah!

May 4, 2003
    Back at the science library.  Went out for ice cream with Rec and Sally last night.  Then went to sleep.  Tonight is Ted's senior barbecue which should be fun, then Bethany is having a birthday party / senior champagne party that I may not be able to make (yay, studying).  I'll be glad when all this work is done.  It's not as much fun as it sounds.
    I have become increasingly horrified with the president over the last few days and realize that we really need to kick him out.  The problem,  though, is that all of his scandals are too complicated to make good press.  Clinton having sex with an intern made good news; Cheney funneling money to his friends just isn't as much fun.  Grrr. Liberal media my ass.  What really bothers me, though, is that his poll ratings are so high.  People actually approve of this man.  Argh!
    Did you know that you can access this page by typing "nudes pictures of gta vice city" (no quotes) into google?  Not that I've tried or anything . . . .

May 3, 2003
    Updating from the science library instead.  This is what I do instead of actually learning chemistry.  I'm thinking that I'm just going to do chem all night tonight.  I'm also thinking that I have the will-power of a three month old.  Sigh.
    Anyway, what I won't be doing is watching the Presidential debate because it's not televised.   Not even C-Span seems to think that people might want to watch this.  I'm just sad because this is another chance for Howard Dean to get some press, but, alas, no one will see it.  (His web site does promise that it will be more fun than SNL by the way.)  Also, a good chance to see Carol Moseley-Braun (who should be running for Senate by the way!!!  Argh!) who I also like very much.
    I only have one exam and one paper left before I'm all done with college.  I'm sure that this will sink in later, but right now it doesn't seem like such a big deal.  I think that if I either (a) had a normal job or (b) had no job it would be different, but since I kind of view TFA as an extension of school, it just doesn't seem like so big a shift.
    Must learn chemistry now.  Hoo-ray!
    Oh, and buddyzoo.com seems like the worst idea ever.  Yes, I'm on there.

April 28, 2003
    Second to last day of classes.  Last chem class.  Hoo-ray.  M&B is calming down.  A little.  OPA awards today.  Pre-gaming Torah.  Zine not going well because of a dearth of submissions.  Must get out of house.

April 22, 2003
    How could Nina Simone have sung so beautifully?  I guess some could say it was the pain.  She was a woman who suffered very horribly: her dreams casually crushed.  Racism was something that she could never escape and so she learned from it.   But to say that is to say that she was defined by race, that her talent came only from those people who held it against her.  That's not true, at least I think not.  Sure, experience must have shaped her talent, molded it, but some greater part was much bigger than that.  Inimitable and inexplicable.
    Well enough of that.  Today was a good day I think.  Largely unextraordinary, but still, good.  I got red sneakers, and if that can't make any day better I don't know what can.  Went to go see City of God with Rebecca and Dan.  Good, but disturbing.  Also, I'm starting a 'Zine and am pretty psyched about it.  The due date is saturday, so hopefully it can be out by the time classes end.  Not title as of yet, and I'm sure it will be shoddily put together, but it will be nice to make something from scratch.  Creation is great.  E-mail or IM me if you want to submit or want a copy.  If you're at GU I'll deliver it by hand, if you're further away, the USPS will have to do the honors.

April 20, 2003
    Back from Big Bad Iowa.  Had a really nice time with Annie et al.  We spent a fair amount of time asking "what do you want to do?" but the preponderance of unstructured time was a welcome change.  Saw several people from Ireland, which was cool, but it was a little weird to see those people in such a different place.  It's not really worlds colliding, it's just amazing how tightly one can be associated with a particular location.  Anyway, a weekend in Iowa was just what I needed (how many people can say that?) and I feel rested and relaxed for stupid stupid finals.
    The highlight of the trip must have been not the movie, the play, the University, or the writers workshop; nay! it was something far more important: the future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk, captain of the USS Enterprise.  The town of Riverside Iowa has erected a small, portable memorial to mark this not-as-of-yet national heritage site.  One can only imagine that in some post-apocalyptic world a small band of humans will find this and interpret it as prophecy.  Riverside, Iowa will be the new Bethlehem and William Shatner the new savior.  Most importantly, Annie, Mike Dhar and I have got pictures.
    It's nice to get home though.  I do love my bed.  I spent some quality time there today with a book (reading not for class?  what an idea!) which was nice.  Now I'm going to sleep.
    Live long and prosper.

April 15, 2003
    Some people may be tempted to call today Tax Day, but that is only because they don't know that it is the Day of Rob.  While the rest of us were busy doing nothing, my brother (a) got accepted to Stanford Law and (b) appeared on NPR's Morning Edition, thus fulfilling a Courtney family lifetime goal.  Moreover, he wasn't even talking about child porn, which I'm sure pleased the grandparents.  So go him.  [Interesting note: his interview was on robots scouring the web searching for e-mail addresses.  cf yesterday's entry.  Spooky.]
    My day pales in comparison.  The most exciting part was the brief but frantic search for Ted the Cat who lives in the M&B office, subsisting only on love and four D-cell batteries.  Worry not, he is safe at home.

April 14, 2003
    My stars.  I sure have been terrible at updating this lately.  Of course, my parents came this weekend to visit and were shocked that I had an earring, something noted on this very page on March the 18th, so apparently even they have stopped reading and I can rest assured that the only people visiting this site are marketing computers searching the web for e-mail addresses so that I can get "Free Porn in [my] Mailbox!!!!!"  Regardless, it was nice to see my parents even though I saw them for a grand total of about six hours.
    In other news chemistry is the devil, but I don't care because the weather is so friggin' nice.  
    Also, 12th Night has now closed down.  I'm still not sure how I feel about that.  In general, this was a poor year that had great potential.  Either way, it's now officially over.  I think I should take a mulligan.
    And my house is infected with termites.  So there/

April 8, 2003
    Today was nice.  Actually, it was pretty uneventful, but that's ok.  I was supposed to get some work done, but that didn't really happen.  I cleaned up a bit and (despite my best efforts) bought a bunch of books online.  Not that I have time to read, but they're teaching books, so that's ok, right?  I'm freaking out a bit about TFA, having read a really horrible article from the Washington Post.  On the other hand, it was about the same incident as the last negative article I read, so that's good.  NPR, once again earning my love, had a section on TFA in the Delta specifically, and they had nice things to say about the individual experiences at least.  That's good.  My parents are coming to town this weekend which will be nice.

April 1, 2003
    Today's goal was to be a more positive person.  Then in theology class it was explained to me that everything good in the world is just a  delusion.  To make up for this I came home and ate some Easy-Mac (cheese pizza flavor.  not so hot) and read some Sarah Vowell (I'm a sucker for books with short chapters.)  Now, after accomplishing almost nothing, I'm off to: get my ass whuped on a chem quiz, run a craptastic postmortem, and go to a rehearsal for which I have not memorized my lines.  After that I plan to spend the day avoiding Tom and paint call because two 5am nights in a row will completely undermine today's goal (which isn't doing too well, if you haven't noticed.)
    Oh, and today's song of the day is anything by Sheila Nicholls or Lightning Jazz by Dan Bern.  In case you were wondering.

March 18, 2003
    Thanks to the lovely Rebecca Ende, I now have another hole in my head.  Yes, I got a piercing.  It's in the cartilage of my left ear.  It may very well look really, really stupid, but I can always take it out and I feel pretty good about going out and doing it, even if Rebecca had to hold my hand.  Literally.  I may take it out after not too long, but still, it was worth it.
    Today was the meeting of the two theology seminars (christians v. pagans) which was fun.  The contrast between the two classes was laughable.  We were all buttoned-down and well scrubbed, they wore sandals and crouched on the chairs in the conference room.  I think we all came out looking ok, though, and we had a good talk.  I got to make my little point about standing firmly in faith (I'm becoming a fundamentalist, it turns out.  Of what is another question.)  It was nice.  Sarah TW, by the way, made great comments and is exceptionally wise.  I think I would like to be more like her.  
    Tony Blair was on TV today and it made me want to move to England -- Parliament is a great idea.  I think that we need more debate in government.  Maybe that's why Bush is so scary (among other things).  Of course Blair is very well spoken and therefore only confused me more about this war thing.  He pointed out that after the Munich agreement, people thought that peace had come.  His point was that history is rarely clear at the time and I think he's right.  The question is whether this is WWII or Vietnam.  Of course, standing up in confusing times is what we're called to do.  Anything less is cowardice.
    So now I have lots of work to do, but instead I'm updating this and listening to PJ Harvey's version of Highway 61 Revisited over and over again.

March 17, 2003
    So much to say:
        1) The thesis is done!  Huzzah!  I feel physically lighter now, it's a very nice feeling.  Before you start thinking I've gone soft though, I've already started worrying about my grade.  Let the fretting begin.
        2) I am officially teaching english in the delta next year, so my petition to the dean to let me take chem p/f is pending.  That would be really, really nice.
        3) Now that the stress of thesis is done, I'm afraid I'm getting sick.  But that's boring.
        4) Happy St. Patrick's day!  I miss Ireland.
        5) [Rant alert.] Ok.  War.  My grandfather fought in WWII.  In fact, he was in charge of cleaning out Bergen-Belsen, so I believe firmly that although war is a horrible, horrible thing, there are principles worth fighting for.  It's sad, but it's important to stand up for things, even at a horrible cost.  I'm not a strict utilitarian, but it has always bothered me what people will refuse to do not to get their hands dirty [note: this most often applies to the (so called) christian right].  The world is a tough, tough place, and sometimes one must engage thoughtfully and reluctantly in the messiness of violence to serve the greater good.  Awful, but true.
            That said, I think that this war is not a good idea.  I wish I could say it's because I have a moral opposition to all war (pacifists have great slogans.  my favorite: bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity) but that's not it.  It's just not a good idea to go it alone like this, it's not the time, it's been handled poorly.  It would be wonderful to liberate the Iraqi people, but (a) I'm far from convinced that the US will do the right thing in the long run, and those people might not be so much better off (it's not like we haven't backed some nasty dictators in the past) and (b) must we burn every bridge in the world to do this?  There are so many things that need fixing in the world, why pay such a price for this one?  Couldn't the money be better spent, say, fighting AIDS in Africa?  Knocking off sweatshop labout in Vietnam?  Economic oppression is no better than political oppression.  And also, who the hell does Bush think he is promising freedom and equality to the middle east when there's so little of it at home?  This is the same man who opposes a woman's right to choose, supports absurd sodomy laws which discriminate against homosexuals, is trying to stack the supreme court with right wing nut jobs, won't extend the most advanced health care system in the history of the world to the poor, and pollutes pollutes pollutes with no regard to the future welfare of the entire friggin planet.  Grrrr.  I'll admit I'm more confused than I'd like to be, but *sigh* I just can't believe that man is our president.
        6) In answer to that last problem, we're starting up a "Georgtown for Dean" committee.  Join us!

March 13, 2003
Happy Birthday Rob!! Woo-hoo.
    The thesis is coming along.  I'll finish it, and I don't think it will kill me.  It might even be good.   Tomasina makes me feel better about the world.  Work tomorrow.

March 10, 2003
    I'm running away to the pacific northwest. I'm dropping all my classes, getting the hell out of here and going where the trees are tall and the politics are progressive. I'm going to open a bookshop which will specialize in Woolf, Hemmingway, Marquez, and whatever I'm reading at the moment. Every customer will be greeted with a mug of hot fair-trade tea and a warm hug. Reading groups will be on Wednesday nights and will feature popcorn and wine as key elements. Our creditors will be paid in copies of our biweekly journal to which you are invited to submit work -- MLA format is not required. Said journal will be printed on 100% recycled paper. Let me know if you want to come along or if you know where we can get a good location with a view of the water.
    (Some may content that my plan is unrrealistic. I've never even been to the northwest. But what are good fantasies based upon if not ignorance?)

March 8, 2003
    Just about everyone in the world has jetted off to some exotic locale for spring brak, but unlike those losers, I am spending my time at the exclusive 3625 T Street Resort.  Fools.  The thesis is moving along, I guess, but I have to write today and I'm not excited about it.  It's just really hard going and now that UG is closed for the week I don't have a steady source of English breakfast tea to keep me alive.
    In happier news, it looks like TFA has realized there's no way in hell I can teach chemistry, so it looks like I'll be teaching english after all.  I think this is a good idea, although I do feel like a bit of a wimp.  I think that I could have done chemistry, but this is probably for the best.  I'd really like to be one of those teachers who makes a big difference in the lives of at least some of his/her students, and it probably wasn't going to happen if I kept writing the equations wrong in chem lab.  Also, now all my purchases at bookstores are "research."  Woo-hoo!
    Oh, and you should watch and love this.

March 5, 2003
    Man, I so so so so need to do work.  I finished an adequate amount of chemistry, and I've given up on theology for tomorrow, but I just can't bring myself to write five pages (five!) of my thesis.  It's the last chance for my advisor to see it, but I (a) really really want to go to sleep and (b) really really don't want to work.  A potent combination.
    Today was a good, but very unproductive day. I got a copy of "Spoon River Anthology" for 25 cents at the library today.  That's good.  Otherwise, lots of staring into space.  Lots of Ani Difranco and Rufus Wainwright.  Thank god spring break is coming up.  Now, if only I could get the hell out of here.

March 3, 2003
    So my trip to the doctor for the ear infection involved the words "lance" and "drain."  I think that's all I need to say about that.  When I accidentally removed the cotton they had shoved in my ear, I gave serious thought to returning to the emergency room to ask that they allow me to take more codeine or, at the very least, kill me.  It hurt.  A lot.
    Do you ever have one of those days that's stupid and routine or even involves someone saying "the anethetic doesn't really work so well in this kind of situation" but there's a just a point at which something really nice happens, not huge, not amazing, just really, really nice, and it makes it all ok.  No one notices but you, but it's just really . . .  nice.  That happened to me today.
    Board elections as well.  Congratulations to the new board.  As the always profound Brendan Snow phrased it, "Mask and Bauble: Go ahead.  Throw your life away."

March 2, 2003
    Stupid fucking M&B budget.  Grrrr.  It's not even that I have a problem with the fact that they require us to submit a budget, I'm just angry at the world and Ron Lignelli is always a safe target.  M&B elections are tomorrow and I really wish that meant I could just walk away.  At least for a little while.  I really needed to work today and instead I spent four hours working on the budget.  There's no one to be pissed at, that's just how it is, but godamnit, I'm sick to hell of never getting to finish my work and go to sleep and I am extra extra sick of doing a crappier job than usual because I just don't have the energy to care and my ear still hurts and I can't take the codeine they gave me because I will eliminate any chance that I will get any work done at all.  Grrrr.
    If you haven't noticed, I'm grumpy.  This seems to be happening a lot lately.  I'll get over it soon.  I swear.

March 1, 2003
    It's been a very long time since things were updated here.  Ah well.  Time must trot on.  The one acts closes today.  It's gone very well, but that is largely attributable to the amount of things other people kept me from messing up rather than the (few) things I did well.  I hope that next year the producer loves the idea of student writing as much as I do.  Everything else they should do much, much better, but thinking about the shows, is just  so wondrous.  I'll miss this kind of atmosphere.  I wonder if I'll really ever find anything like it again.
    I have an ear infection and am secretly disappointed that the doctor didn't give me the bubble gum flavored medicine I used to get when I was little.  Now that was some good stuff.  On the other hand, I am thrilled that I got codeine!! Woo-hoo!  Not only will I be able to sleep now (stupid ear was keeping me up) but I'll also get to amuse my roommates with non-sensical ramblings every night before I go to bed.  
    The thesis is at thirty pages, which is more than half done which is really, really nice.  Of course I should be working on it right now instead of doing this.  Two weeks left to having a life!
    On a different note, Mr. Rogers died.  To be shaken up by this, to me, misses the point.  Mr. Rogers didn't seem interested in shaking people up.  My favorite episode was when he got a parking ticket and went to court.  It's kind of funny to think about now, but it's also really amazing.  He didn't need to make himself morally questionable in front of millions of children, but he did.  He faced up to his mistake and talked to the judge and paid the fine.  I think he is someone who would forgive very easily and not pretend that he himself has never needed forgiveness.  We all fuck up.  It takes a lot of courage to admit that.   I'm sorry that a person like that isn't alive any more.  So be it.  Time must trot on.

February 2, 2003
Song of the Day: "I Need You" Dan Bern
    Groundhog day!  In honor of this, the most important holiday in the rodent calendar, I spent today being afraid of my own shadow, chowing down on dried food pellets, and repeatedly attempting to bite my handlers.  Sorry about that.
    It appears as if I haven't updated my page in a while, but so much has changed since then like. . . well . . .  I wrote three pages of my thesis, but am still actively hiding from my advisor.  Angels closed, that was nice.  And I have discovered that if one rearranges the letters in "Doctor Baker White" they can actually spell out "I am Lord Voldemort." (NB: You probably shouldn't try that.)
    I did click the box for Teach for America on Thursday (a whole day early!) so next year I will officially be in Mississippi/Arkansas freaking out in front of a whole class of high schoolers.   But hey, that's a long way off compared to the horrors presented by: One Acts, Virginia Woolf, this week's chem lab, next year's board, AMTH, GTA, and my methamphetamine addiction.  Oh well.
    Oh.  And I'm thinking of converting to Judaism.  But that's for another day.

January 23, 2003
    Two things of import happened today:
    (1) I saw John Kerry speak.  Don't get me wrong; this man would make a great president and I agree with virtually everything he says, but I'm just uninspired.  Rationally I know that I should get on his side and start fighting now since the possibility of electing a real liberal to the White House is surprising and exciting.  But still, I'm not sure if he can make me abandon my boy Howard Dean (who has a new web site by the way.)  Both the New Yorker and Nate described him as a brahmin, and I think that they are completely right.  He's smart, but he knows it.
    (2) I wore my flannel pants under my real pants since it is so friggin cold around here.  This too comes from Nate, and is the best idea ever.  Not only is it much warmer, but when I got home I was already in my pajamas.

January 22, 2003
    Work is the devil.  That's all I'll say.  Aside from that, things are pretty good.  I am going to write some of my thesis this weekend if it kills me.  And it might.  I'm also trying to spend these last few months of college remembering how lucky I am to be able to spend this time doing what I want, reading things which won't make me more marketable later.  This is the stuff that next year I'll wish I had the time to do.  Sometimes I forget.
    I met with RBW today after a meeting with the M&B membership last night.  I am perplexed.  That's probably not exactly the right word, but close enough.  Anyway, I wish that I could just be decisive and say yes or no, but I'm just not sure.  Not even close really.  Bwah.
    Saw angels.  My, I sure would like to write something like that.

January 18, 2003
    I just got back from seeing Christina's production of "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe" which was really good, although I wish that I could see Tara do the second act, because the first act was really absorbing.  Oh well, we still love Midnight Theater, despite it's many limitations.  Watching the show made me feel like I should come home and write something, but once I got home, I decided that I should eat and then go to sleep.  That plan won.
    Today's question: is post-modernity distinctively feminine?  I think it may be, but I'm not sure.  It made good coffee house talk with Gigi and Diana today though.

January 15, 2003
    It's a good thing that I found the time to update this page.  I was in real danger of getting some work done.  Ha-ho . . . .  Press run for Angels went very well, so that's nice.  I recently joined the Georgetown knitting club, or at least signed up for it, so if you see me with some shiny new woolens, you'll know from whence they came.  I'm on the verge of signing on for good for Teach with America and even the thought of having to deal with either my thesis or AMTH makes me want to cry.  So that's my week.  
    I feel like a big downer lately.  So here's a joke to make amends: A guy goes to the shrink and says, "Doc, you gotta help me...I'm a Wigwam, I'm a Teepee, I'm a Wigwam, I'm a Teepee!" The Doctors says, "Just calm down, calm down, you're TWO TENTS!"
    That made me feel better.

January 12, 2003
    I thought that if I just kept on repeating, "I'm not working on this show, just helping out," it would be true.  How wrong I was.  Don't get me wrong, Angels is a great show and I'm happy to have a small part in it, but I kind of wanted to work on my own stuff this weekend.    I'm going to have to say no more often.  That's my new, not-so-New Year's resolution.  I'm a little grumpy.  Ignore me.

January 11, 2003
    Q2Q last night lasted 19 hours.  Let me tell you, that makes one really, really tired.  I'm going to sleep.

January 8, 2003
    I had chem today, and I understood everything we talked about.  That's good.  But I had to drop my english classes.  That's bad.  I wrote lots of One Acts related e-mails today, so I feel like that's going in the right direction.  That's good.  But I've been staring at my computer screen for so long that I think my eyeballs are going to fall out.  That's bad.  I get to go to sleep now.  That's good.  But I have to get up for many classes tomorrow.  That's bad.  I feel confident about TFA for the moment.  That's good.  But this confidence came after not one but a series of panic attacks.  That's bad.  My Theology classes all look interesting.  That's good.  But I am still writing this god damn thesis.  That's really, really bad.  Stupid thesis.

January 7, 2003 (Part the Second)
    For some reason the thing I remember most about the first day of school when I was little was the night before.  I think that after one goes to the same classes day after day all year long, the weirdness of the first day itself wears off and gets forgotten.  All the excitement of the first day is eventually worn away through repetition.  But the sleep, that doesn't happen again because from that point on you're too busy or too tired to really appreciate it.  The night before is different.  Since you're coming off the summer schedule you probably slept late that morning, but because you have to get up early you  go to bed at a reasonable time regardless (as I am doing right now.)  So you lie in bed (For some reason the room is always clean.  I don't know why that is.) and it's very soft and everything is very focused, because the next day you have a mission, a fresh start, clean white sneakers, a new shirt (which you have already chosen) and some energy (which is all you really need) because you got to bed on time.  Technically tomorrow is only the first day only of the second semester, and I'm sure that ten year old me would chide 21 year old me for blurring the distinction, but still, that's how I feel.  In case you were wondering.

January 7, 2003
    Well, Angels has the longest work calls ever.  I'm not even working on this show and I'm exhausted.  Last night I had to stay so long that I couldn't go country line dancing, which frankly, I was excited about.  Hmm.  School starting tomorrow will be a relief.  Haha!  Just kidding!  No, it won't.  I'm dropping my english classes so that I can take chemistry.  We'll see how that goes.  I think that TFA is going to receive a panicked phone call today, but after that, covalent bonding here I come.

January 3, 2003
    Haven't updated in a few days.  I'm tired.  Anyway, I'm back in DC.  I spent today in the library digging through the archives of Mask and Bauble  in special collections.  It's actually a lot of fun, although I think GTA may have some high expectations.  I found out that TFA placed me as a chemistry teacher in the Mississippi Delta which is not what I expected, but not a bad thing either.  I'm excited, but a little worried that I haven't taken chem since high school.  Oh well.   Better get crackin'.

December 31, 2002
    Well it's that time of year again.  Although some of you may be surprised, I am not perfect.  No, no, it's true. I, like you, have flaws, albeit not nearly so many..  As such I must take this opportunity to make some changes to make myself into a better person, as impossible as that may seem.  To accomplish this, I have made a list of New Years Resolutions.  Allow me to share a few with you now.

3 - Get people to visit web site (Possible ideas: money, porno.)
7 - Achieve global hegemony.
9 - Write epic novel creating new worlds in which races of elves, humans, and dwarves unite to defend against the forces of evil.             Alternately, watch Lord of the Rings Again.
17 - Attempt to read Gravity's Rainbow.
18 - Give up on reading Gravity's Rainbow.
19 - Lie about having read Gravity's Rainbow. (NB: If anyone asks a question about it, laugh knowingly and say "Well, it's not really         that kind of book.")
24 - Smoke less crack.
28 - Stop stealing from the elderly.
34 - Learn to speak Klingon.
39 - "Produce" one acts "festival" for "M&B."
40 - Reduce use of quotation marks.
42 - Impeach Bush.
43 - Impeach Cheney.
44 - Re-elect and immediately impeach Reagan.
48 - Reveal self as Messiah.
54 - Talk the talk.
56 - Bathe.
59 - Whore self less.
67 - Stop ending theology papers with, "so fuck off and die already."

December 30, 2002
    I'm back in Buffalo.  Boston was really nice for the 24 hours I was there (versus 16 in the car.)  Due to the threat of nasty weather we ended up coming home early, much to my disappointment actually.  It's been quite some time since I've seen my family and aside from the fact that we are getting WASP-ier every time I see them, it was really really nice.  Oh well.  Freezing rain stops for no man.
    Rob got me the This American Life CD for Christmas.  Catherine got me One Hundred Years of Solitude (so I could have my own copy.)  I've been figured out.

December 28, 2002
    I'm off to Boston tomorrow for a few days to see family.  It should be nice.
    Went to see the Prizefighters tonight.  I stand by my earlier statements.  Best band ever.
    Must be up in five hours.  Therefore must sleep now.  I will miss you all while I am gone.  Wait a minute!  I can't see you anyway.  Damn one way computer monitor.

December 27, 2002
    Bookstore.  Spot Coffee.  Library.  Another uneventful day.  Getting ready to get back to school.  Need to work much, much more.  That is all.

December 26, 2002
    I left the house today. Go me!
    Went to the mall which is, as always, a terrifying experience.  It was made somewhat better by the fact that Abercrombie, in their continued quest to sell more sweaters through thinly veiled homoeroticism, has actually hired some guy with a six pack to stand by the door wearing a santa hat and no shirt.  Yes, they had a girl too, but it was the guy I was laughing at uncontrollably.  I know, I know, some of you are saying "Wait! A built guy sans shirt wearing a santa hat is way hot and nothing to laugh at!" but you are only saying this because you have never seen one in person,.  In real life they are very out of place in the middle of a mall in western New York, looking very uncomfortable and avoiding eye contact with passersby.
    Saw the Lord of the Rings.  I am kind of ashamed at how much I liked this movie.  It is awesome.  I will probably have to see it again.  When I got home I had to read some Woolf just to prove that I am still a snob.
    Also saw "Celebrity Dates" on E!  The set-up: a blind date between Screech, of Saved by the Bell, and the world's second strongest female body builder.  It was love at first ass-kicking.
    Hope everyone had a merry christmas.

December 25, 2002
    Today we celebrate the birth of our lord and savior, Santa Clause.  I got some sweet CDs from Bruce, who is determined to give me taste in music, and clothes and some awesome old books from the 'rents.  After dinner I tried to get some writing done, but I forgot how hard it can be.  Also, I was in a very non-funny mood for a comedy.  The result: crap.
    I hope everyone had a very merry christmas (or "National Jews go to the Movies Day.")  Now I'm trying to figure out how to return some sweaters that don't fit without going to the mall (yay internet).  Which raises the question: where could Banana Republic possibly think that I could wear suede pants?

December 23, 2002
    So. . .  Buffalo . . . Yeah.  Yesterday I ventured downtown not once, but twice.  The first time was to Spot Coffee for a delightful afternoon of caffeine and Virginia Woolf.  I feel like a terrible, terrible yuppie, but I really do like that place.  I mean, aside from the overpriced food and drink.  Not only are their products tasty and their furniture comfortable, but their art is pretty damn good too.  The next trip was to see The Mousetrap at Studio Arena.  Yes, it may be the world's most conventional play ("But you see, Inspector, there is no mail on Saint Swithin's Day!" [gasp]) but the set was pretty rockin' and in general it was nice to see that Buffalo has a decent theater.
    Today, again quite unproductive. But Ryan and I did end the night at the beautiful Inn Cahoots where the beer is cold and the company is warm. I recommend it highly and will make a point of returning before break has expired.
    In case you were looking for more events for your social calendar, The Prizefighters (the world's greatest cover band) are playing at Stimulants this Saturday (the 28th.)  It is sure to kick ass.  Come out and join the fun.

December 21, 2002
    I did not leave the house today.  Wow.  I got a little M&B stuff done, but not enough.  I think most of the day was devoted to downloading and listening to Jeff Buckley mp3s.   Me go read book now.

December 20, 2002 (Part the Second)
    I went shopping today.  My quest to purchase gifts from small, non-evil-corporation-taking-over-the-world stores fell through today when faced with the bulls eye spotted Beelzebub that is Target.  On the plus side, my shopping is now done, so I can spend more time washing off the stink of unrestrained capitalism.
    Toby (my new computer) can't get online for some reason, so I have been reunited with Blinky (my old computer) whom I still love, but who no longer has the files I need.  I suddenly have much more sympathy for all the psychopaths in the world today.  It's not that they're evil, I've discovered, they've simply grown frustrated by their inability to hook their laptops up to the internet even though the goddamn little light is one and the piece of junk new computer knows that it's hooked up to the network.  But it just won't do it!  Even thought the friggin' light is on!! It can see it's hooked up, but it just wants to drive me mad!!!!! Arrrgggggghhhhh!!!!! [murder]

December 20, 2002
    Since I have last updated this site, two important things have occurred.  First, I got accepted to Teach for America. Second, I got to visit Clyde Peeling's Reptileland. Let's discuss, shall we?
   So I'm pretty psyched about Teach for America.  I'm still a little terrified of the students, but I think that I can deal with that.  Also, I do think that teaching is something worth whatever effort it requires.  They'll tell me where I'm going soon.  Who would have guessed that I'd have a job in December?  It's nice.
   Second, (and far more importantly) is Clyde Peeling's Reptileland.  This is clearly the finest reptile land that I have ever had the pleasure to visit.  And they don't just have reptiles.  Oh, no!  They also have amphibians and birds.  I give Reptileland my highest possible endorsement.  It is clearly worth the $8 cost of admission and the communte to rural Pennsylvania.  The staff is curteous and helpful and if you [like I] go at 10:30 in the morning on a thursday, they will offer to answer any questions you may have as you walk around the otherwise empty zoo.   As if that isn't enough, you can feed the emus from your bare hand.  (Careful!  They bite!)
   Since arriving back in that sinking ship they call Buffalo, I got to go see the new Harry Potter movie.  I have to say that apart from Quiddich captain Oliver Woods, my favorite character has got to be Professor Snape.  I find him fascinating.  My vote is that he receive his own spin-off series, a la "Frazier."

December 17, 2002
    I was supposed to go home tomorrow, but that might not happen.  Somehow today ended up being really busy and I ended up not picking up the car from Rob until almost 11 and now all I want to do is sleep.  Maybe I'll shoot for midday tomorrow, but I just don't think I have the energy to pack now.
    Went christmas shopping today.  I hate shopping.  Even the bookstore is stressful when there's an agenda.  I did get to listen to a mix disc I made this time sophomore year, though.  A blast from the past.  Very weird.  [It should be known that I wrote a whole lot more about why I made this particular disc my sophomore year, but I deleted it in deference to you, dear reader / great void.  Even I found it boring.  Be grateful.] [It is, however, a kick ass mix.]   I will say only this: despite anything else I might have said on this page, the greatest song ever written is "Romeo and Juliet" by Dire Straits.  Please, have a listen for me.

December 16, 2002
    I'd like to rhapsodize a bit about the completion of my second to last semester of college, but I just got back from the Tombs, and although I did not have so much to drink that I can't think about it, I did have enough to drink that I'd just rather go to bed.  Suffice it to say that this was a challenging semester, and I am not displeased that it is now laying dead at my feet.
    After finishing my (quite pointless) IR exam, Sally, Courtney and I all went to Pentagon city where I accomplished none of my christmas shopping, but did find the time to sniff all the candles in Hallmark and discuss with Courtney the relative merits of each scent (cinnamon = good; "snow angel" = odor of death.)  I figure I'll try to do some shopping tomorrow and I'll do the rest at home in order to prop up the Buffalo economy just a touch.
    In case you were wondering, I am midway through a what-am-I-doing-with-my-life crisis, but I think that it will have run its course by tomorrow.

December 15, 2002
    My last final is tomorrow.  I'd like to do well on it, but right now the overriding concern is just getting it over with.  I've gotten used to this no work thing over the last few days, so I had some trouble going back to study today.  Luckily, it's a freshman level intro class, so it shouldn't be too hard.
    So the big news (for me anyway, what a dork) is that Al Gore isn't running for president.  I really, really didn't want him to run again (it would have been bad) but I think I'll miss him.  I think that he'd make a great president, and more importantly is a total geek, which makes me like him.  Who knows?  He's young, he might be back in 2008.  Right now though, I have to say I'm thinking of throwing my much sought endorsement to Governor Howard Dean of Vermont.  Why (1) I'd like to chance to vote for a democrat who is not easily confused with a Republican (2) he is pro-socialized health care, choice, gay rights, and public education and (3) he looks like the Good Humor Man on his website.  How can I say no?

December 14, 2002
    First of all, congratulations to my mom who passed her insurance license test, surprising no one but herself.
    I accomplished very little today, but I did manage to clean my room somewhat.  You'd never know to look at it, but it's much much cleaner than it was yesterday.  Went out with Rob and Catherine to the Brick Skeller and Bowling for Columbine.  Columbine may be the least even handed movie ever, and I know that the people who see the move probably already have an opinion about guns and violence,  but I'm still reassured by the fact that someone made a film about it.  Maybe it just rallies the troops, but that's not so bad.
    We went to Kramer Books afterwards where I caught just a minute or two of Al Gore on SNL.  The Trent Lott sketch was perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen.

December 13, 2002
    Well, I wrote an update, and now my computer deleted it.  This version of Netscape is new, but frankly I wish they'd kept the old one that actually worked.
    Anyway, the only important part of the update was that everyone needs to root for my mom on her test tomorrow which she is worried about without reason.  I'm sure she'll do great.

December 12, 2002
    Woo-hoo!!! Everything done.  Well, not everything, but my IR exam sure isn't going to keep me up nights.  It's so nice to be free.  I think maybe I'll try to finish unpacking my room.
    Went to go see South Pacific at Arena tonight.  It was good to get off campus and nice to see a show in a non-Georgetown theater, but it wasn't really that good.  The music is nice and all, but the book needs some work and it's probably not the best show to do in the round.  Maybe it was great when it came out, but it hasn't aged well.
    Anyway, now I'm going to go to sleep because I can.  If you see me tomorrow, remind me that I still need to be productive, even if I don't have to go crazy.

December 11, 2002
    Well, the thesis chapter isn't really done, but it's as done as it's getting tonight.  A review in the morning, mark-ups from T-dubs, another fix-it session and then hand it in and cross-your-fingers.  I made progress tonight, great progress.  I'm really only a few weeks behind, but that's enough.  What I wouldn't give for just one meeting with a theology professor before I finish the paper.  I'll probably try to give that a shot tomorrow.  The reassuring part is that I just keep on finding great stuff in Woolf.  She's still so underappreciated (god damn joyce.)  She was years ahead of her time in a way that no one else really was.  I am excited about the project, I just wish it wasn't due so soon.
    But the good news is that the semester, despite it's best efforts, is almost over and I am not dead.  I have high hopes for next semester in many regards.

December 10, 2002
    My favorite Christmas song isn't even really about Christmas.

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on
But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
Oh I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry.

He tried hard to help me
He put me at ease
Lord, he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
Oh I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.

December 8, 2002
    While at Sarah's today, I took the opportunity to decorate a shirt.  I used sharpe markers.  It turned out ok.  I wore it home.  Just now, as I am laying in bed, I realized that it has been emitting marker fumes the entire time.  So while I meant to be working, I was actually sniffing markers, rotting giant holes in my brain.  Clearly though, there's not a whole lot of brain to rot since it took me hours to figure out why I had a headache.  Today's moral.  Drew = dumb.
    Best of luck to Sarah on the GREs tomorrow.

December 7, 2002
    Finally went to the Hindu temple today.  Now there's a religion that I can almost get really into.  I really like the idea that every day the priest
wakes up God, gives him a bath, feeds him a meal, and so on.  It's great, very personal, very physical, very real.  But there's something I can't put my finger on that tells me it's not for me.  It's not that it's duelist, but somehow . . .  well, I guess that I think having that many Gods isn't all it's
cracked up to be.  Yes, yes, lily white western religious judeo-christian-islamic boy is dumping on polytheism, but there's something about having that many Gods that I feel is like spreading your chips all over the roulette table.  Where's the fun in that?  I think I'd really like to be Hindu, but it just ain't gonna happen.
    On an semi-related note, I bought a candle at Safeway which features a picture of St. Michael the Archangel crushing Satan under his foot,
ready to slay him with a flaming sword.  It's not quite as friendly as my Jesus candle (next up: Our Lady of Guadeloupe!) but the camp value alone made it a must have.  Myth is everywhere.  How awesome.
    Still many many papers to write this weekend.  I'll be glad when finals are over and I can have a life again.  (Stop laughing!)
    Oh yeah!  Cheers to Sally and Mary Landrieu, who are both going to be working in the Senate again next year.  Everyone should say thank you to Sally for helping to save the world.

December 6, 2002
    Screw finals.  I'm watching Lilo & Stitch in bed.

December 5, 2002
    SNOW!!! I don't even really care that they didn't cancel class (I had to get stuff done anyway.)  But damn it was nice to have some snow on the ground.  The end of the semester actually seems like a reality.  Thank god.  A week from today I'll be done with everything but IR, and luckily, that's IR.
    So the news:  Teach for America was yesterday.  The lesson went well.  If anyone needs a review of sines, aske me quickly before I forget and, man, will I teach them to you.  Horkfest was also yesterday.  A grand success.  There was food, there was entertainment (including my poem, 'Twas the Night Before Horkfest) it was awesome.  My story is in today's Voice which makes me feel cool, although as soon as I saw it on their web site I found everything that needs to be changed.  If you hold your hand over the cover in the right way, it looks like I was published in an oversized edition of Harpers.  I like that.
    On to the thesis!!!

December 3, 2002
    One presentation down.  3 billion papers left to go.  The math as to what that calculates out to per day is pretty terrifying.  Let's ignore that.
    On the bright side I'm starting to get a little psyched about my Teach for America interview tomorrow.  I think I'm going to teach sines (yay right triangles!) which I hope will go well.  (It might be a bit much?  We'll see.)  I'm trying to decide if I should reveal that the children scare me.  I'm thinking no.
    Also on the bright side, one of my stories is going to be published in the Voice on thursday, which makes me extremely happy.  I take back all (or most) of the terrible things I've said about them.
    Happy (belated) Birthday to the lovely Sarah TW who is just about the most amazing person I have ever met.  And she's back from Chile.
    It was very, very cold today.

December 1, 2002
    Wow.  It's December.  I was going to just get on here and bitch about how much work I have to do (and I probably still will) but that gives me pause.  For some reason I had a feeling that this fall was the last fall ever.  That the end of the world was near at hand.  Somehow I just didn't see the possibility that spring would eventually come back, or that in a year the leaves would turn yellow and fall again.  I don't usually see winter as a time of regeneration, but this year December seems reassuring (if still a little sad when I think about it.)  Snow melts.  I can get my head around that.  Fall implies winter.  Winter implies spring.  I can't believe a year went by so fast.  Of course, this time last year was also a very  long time ago.
    It seems shallow to complain about work now, so I'll modify.  I'm preparing for Teach for America and I just wish that in my years in college I had learned more and done more and prepared more.  (Also I hope that that whole TFA interview thing goes ok.  We'll see.  I'm worried that I'll get nervous and let slip that the idea of running a classroom terrifies me.)
    I should have gotten more done this weekend, but it will be nice to have everyone back.

November 29, 2002
    I will get up on time tomorrow.  I will get up on time tomorrow.  I will get up on time tomorrow.
    Another day at the library.  I'm literally already looking forward to Mrs. Chu's for lunch.

November 28, 2002
    Thanksgiving.  Food good.  Ate lots.
    I decided not to go home to Buffalo tomorrow and I'm not really psyched about it.  I'm pissed off that I didn't get as much work done as I should have this week.  I'd really, really like a break from here, but it's my own damn fault.  The library calls.  So, if you're in town, give me a call.  I'm sure that by then I'll be happier about the whole thing.

November 27, 2002
    My parents and brother and grandparents are all in town, which is very nice.  Although I am happy to see my parents and Bruce, I must say that I am very psyched about seeing my grandparents who I haven't seen for a few years.  Both seem to be doing very well in case you're wondering.  Anyway, between hearing about Bruce's music career and listening to my grandfather's stories about, say, opening China, I feel that I am not cool enough for my family.  But then Rob talks about internet policy and I realize that we are all giant dorks at heart.
    My goal for tomorrow is to record some of my grandparents' stories, which I'm sure they wouldn't mind, but also feels a bit awkward.
    Since there's virtually no chance that I will post anything on this site before midnight on thursday, now it the time to say happy thanksgiving.  (To the Void, that is.)  May you enjoy your turkey, tofurkey, or (to those special few) turducken*.  Yum.

(* - it's a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey if you must know)

November 26, 2002
    First up, I've changed my mind.  "The Only Living Boy in New York" is the greatest song ever.  At least for today.
    Second up, I spent tonight watching "Tadpole" with Rebecca (which was good) and somehow stiffing Ian and Anthony with the bill at the Tombs (I hate, hate, hate being dumb.) D'oh.  But on the bright side, Anthony made JVC sound less like bible camp and more like a sixties commune, which I like.  I also worked on my thesis, but not enough to actually have accomplished anything.
    And last but not least, Mary Landrieu is finally polling ahead, so the world might not be as bad as previously thought.

Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where
And we don't know where

November 25, 2002
    Today was not a good day although good things happened.  And more good things than bad things, even.  Funny how that works.  On one
hand I had a nice talk w/ Karen about M&B that made me feel better, saw cool people, had a fun Hinduism class, &c.  On the other I'm losing
grasp of reality and, well, it just wasn't a great day.  That said, beer makes things better, so I went to the Tombs and now all is well.  And I'm
working on my thesis (finally).  Every day is a mixed bag.  How disappointing.
    Anyway, today's resolution/decision: be positive.  Yes, clichés suck, but consider the alternative.

November 24, 2002
    When the big excitement of one's day is dropping off film at Full Exposure (not collecting it, mind you, only dropping it off) I'm pretty sure that
means one needs to get out more.  Not that I'm naming any names.
    Many thanks to the infinitely beautiful ladies of 3806 T street for their amazing thanksgiving dinner.  I suspect that the meal I have with my family will, unlike this one, not end with certain attendees thoughtfully comparing the relative qualities of different types of pornography.  More's the pity.  Only two days of class this week, and my New Testament Seminar is meeting in UG for laid back, personal theologizin'.  Hoo-ray.

November 23, 2002 (Actually 24th.  I'm a stinkin' liar.)
    Falsettos set is down.  I think that the empty space after a set is struck is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.  I always start strike before anyone else and sometimes I worry that people think that it's because I hate the show or hate the set or something.  But it's not.  I just think that striking the set is so important, so amazing to watch.  It may well be my favorite part in the show.  Now there's no going back, no chance to
see the show again.  The show exists in memory and that's all.  And the longer it stays there, the better it gets.  Like a fine wine, the voices mellow, the tannins even out, the flavors mingle, until the performance is perfect, the set is perfect, the lights and audience and sound are all flawless.  That's a good show, mind you, bad shows turn into vinegar.  You can't really know if a show was worth seeing for at least a few weeks after the set is torn down and thrown away.

November 22, 2002
    It turns out that all it takes to make me happy is jazz and wine.  Which are what I am listening to and drinking right now.  Simple mind, simple pleasures.  Best wishes to Sarah and her trip to Chile (prounced: CHEEL-ay.)
    In case you've ever tried to google search my name (not that I ever have.  no way.) you might have discovered my secret life as a professional surfer here.

November 21, 2002
    Falsettos is amazing.  My thesis is the devil.  The cast list is 2/3 up.  And as Meatloaf so wisely observed: 2 out of three ain't bad.  Nothing due next week, so this weekend should be work, work, work, work, work (on other stuff) but will probably only be work, work.  I wish my life was more exiting and I had more news, but right now all is well and that will have to do.

November 20, 2002
    I don't like to have to admit that my moral IQ is really low, but it's true.  It stems from my chronic indecisciveness, not malice or cruelty, but still, I wish that figuring out what's fair wasn't so damn hard.  Sleep will make it better.

November 19, 2002
    Had a meeting with AMTH yesterday.  *sigh* An uphill battle.  Sometimes it feels like I'm completely crazy to even bother fighting with them.
Maybe it just doesn't matter; but I don't want to be the guy at the helm when M&B goes down, which isn't as distant a possibility as I would like it
to be.  Still, there's a word for a person who thinks everyone is out to get him: perceptive.  No, wait: paranoid.  Egocentric.  Self-centered.
Alarmist.
    But the world is so apathetic.  So full of people who won't fight for what they believe in.  And I don't want to be one of them.  Liz was telling me
today about the University's confidentiality policy on disciplinary hearings.  The net net is that they are completely sealed and no one, not the
victims, not the witnesses, not the friends, is allowed to talk about them afterwards.  The result: sexual assault victims can't speak out about what happens or they get expelled.  They can't warn their friends that their attacker is back on campus.  They can't complain that the person got a
pathetically light sentence  Nothing.
    I'm not so upset that this policy exists (not that I like it, but there are bad things in the world and they must be expected); but I am horrified that
no one seems to care.  Why aren't there protests out there everyday to change such a disgusting policy?  I mean, I wear a frickin' button and Liz
has to thank me for that.  Has the world gone so far to seed that that's-the-way-it-is is an acceptable answer to injustice?  Choose your battles,
but god damn it, fight for something.
    So, yes, I might be crazy.  And I might ignore a thousand more worthy causes, but I guess I'll dig in my heels on this one just to care about
something.

    A link to the women's center.  Full of good people.  Go Liz.

November 17, 2002
    Hoo-ray for One Acts auditions.  We didn't get enough to cast all the shows, but turnout was pretty damn good.  Is it inappropriate to say that I
was constantly shocked at how good everyone was?  Perhaps.  Oh well.  It makes me very happy.  Today was a theater heavy day.  Board
Meeting, Auditions, Gen Mem Meeting, all run with my usual dash of ineptitude.  The only non-theater thing I really did was to watch The Thomas
Crown Affair over dinner.  Wow.  I know that money isn't everything, but that movie makes me feel that it's pretty damn close.  I think I'd settle for
maybe a Manet or two.  To compliment my classy decor.
    Well, I'm feeling bad about not having done any homework this weekend.  But I'm listening to Rufus Wainright and if that doesn't make you feel
pretty chill, I don't know what can.

November 16, 2002
    Slept late.  Got a haircut (an haircut?)  Went to Safeway.  Found a really cool used bookstore (Toni Morrison's Song of Solomon, 1st ed. $8.  Woo-hoo!)  Went to Rob's place for dinner.  In case anyone was wondering, Catherine makes a mean squash soup.  I mean, I would kill people for this soup.  It's just that good.  The pie didn't hurt either.  Aside from preparing for tomorrow's auditions, I accomplished nothing.  That will bother me tomorrow, but right now, I'm warm and dry and sitting in my room and that ain't so bad.
    Please, if you love me, you'll audition for the one acts and tell all your friends (especially your male friends) to do the same.

November 15, 2002
    Today, a poem only.  It's not that it's so perfect.  It's just that I'm so fried.

There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons--
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes--

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us--
We can find no scar,
But internal difference,
Where the Meanings, are--

None may teach it--Any--
'Tis the Seal Despair--
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the air--

When it comes, the Landscape listens--
Shadows--hold their breath--
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death--

-Emily Dickinson

November 14, 2002
    I feel that noone I know is happy.  Even for those that aren't sad, there's just not a lot of joy.  Everyone seems tired, worn down.  It's different from usual though.  It's not the temporary stress of exams.  I think that we've just finally reached the age when people grow up and, without constant vigilance, just get . . . weary.  I don't know what to do about it.  Or if there's anything to be done.  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe it's just the autumn.

November 12, 2002
    I got a new computer today.  His name is Toby.  No explanation, it just works.  Anyway, I'm updating this page on my old computer (now named Blinky in honor of the monitior trouble that necessitated his replacement.)  It's quite sad, actually.  We've been though a lot together.  Even as I write this, the scene is fading to a montage of important moments we've shared.  Registering for classes.  Writing papers.  Writing stories.  Writing drunken e-mails.  Photoshoping myself into famous pictures.  Running hand in hand along a deserted beach.  Collapsing into a passionate embrace.  Greenday's "Good Riddance" is playing in the background, as required by state and federal law.
    Good times.
    You will always be in my heart, Blinky.

November 11, 2002
    It's actually the twelfth now, but that's ok.  Spent the day largely on producing very little actual thesis work.  I did however remove the outright lies that I put in yesterday, so that's go to be a start.  A largely unexciting day save a long and complicated discussion with Beth, Anna, and Jen re: the pros and cons of naked pictures of oneself and others.  (Artistic, of course.  Get your mind out of the gutter.)  Sadly, the cons (you can't be taken seriously after you've been seen naked by strangers) outweighed the pros (one gets to be naked.)  So there will be no tasteful nudes for any of Anna's photo projects for this semester at least.  A pitty really.  My modeling career was just about to take off.  I could feel it.
    One Acts meeting at Mrs. Chu's.  One Acts will be awesome.  Mrs. Chu's already is.

November 10, 2002
    There was a point at which I thought that writing this thesis was a good idea.  Sigh.  How things change.
    On a brighter note, my parents sent me some old pictues for the Falsettos bio board (I think my position is now "Guy who helps out sometimes" or perhaps "Utility Infielder.")  Anyway, the point is that I was a friggin' adoarable little kid.  Sigh.  How things change.  Oh well, I'm sure that whatever I've lost in mop-haired eight year old-ishness, I've made up for is my vague awareness of which Derrida I should already have read for this paper.
    Anyone who sees Tom (-asina) should tell her what a good job she is doing as tech director.  Even better, come to work call tomorrow (11-1.)

November 9, 2002
    Meeting of Georgetown Theater Alumni today.  They bought us 7-8 Source IV leikos, which is very nice, but beyond that, well, I'm still not entirely sure that they get it.  I don't want to be ungrateful, but last time we met (at their general membership meeting) they threw around some big numbers as far as fund raising and getting us into the nice new theater.  Now they seem to be backing off.  I hate to be the cold blooded, capitalist pig, but jeeze, what's the good in aiming low?
    That said, I think that all the Georgetown Theater people really do need to join in and help out (I'm not pointing fingers at anyone. . .  yet.)  Sadly, without the support of the alumns, we could get run over pretty easily.  And no matter how it's run, at least someone is doing it, which is worth quite a bit.
    Wow.  Boring.  Here's a joke:
    "What do you get when you cross 100 pigs with 100 deer? 200 sows and bucks!!!"
    Hahahahaha.
    Well, I'm spent.

November 8, 2002
    Had the read through today.  Went well.  Nothing interesting to say. Sleep is good.  Work is bad.  Sadly, in order to, say, pass my classes this semester, there's more work than sleep on the agenda.

November 7, 2002
    So my paper on Matthew wasn't actually due today since we spent too long on someone elses presentation.  That's fine though. The topic: the incompatability of Christianity and Republican-ism.  Three cheers for Prof. Tambasco.
    Saw Frida with Rebecca tonight.  Julie Taymor is still amazing, but what's the point of trying to make a visually arresting movie about Frida Kahlo when you can just show her painting and be done with it?  A little forced.  Anyway, the One Acts Read Through is tomorrow.  Should be good if anyone shows up.  The Moderator: Donn B. Murphy himself.

November 6, 2002
    "Why are you updating this friggin' page?" you may ask.  Because (a) it's more fun than writing my paper on the gospel of Matthew and (b) because I am willing to do anything, ANYTHING to try to get my mind off the pathetic showing of the democratic party in yesterday's elections.  What is it like I wonder, to wake up in the morning and simply not care about the environment?  Or the economy?  Or affirmative action or gay rights or clinic access laws or free speech or civil liberties or, well, I'll shut up.  Suffice it to say I'm a little angry and this is just another reason I love canada.  Toronto is beautiful.  Get fed up and go to canada.  How John Irving.  Oh well, it's nice to dream.
    And Kristen (if you happen to be checking) I promise to put up the cow story soon.

August 9, 2002
    Back in Buffalo.  I'm glad to be home and see everyone, get free food, play with the dog, etc.  But mostly I've been spending my time plotting on how I can get back to Ireland and get paid for it.  Thus far the ideas include: diplomat, bartender, cat burgler, con-man, bum, and Taoiseach.  We'll see how that works out.
    So I miss everyone and anyone who will in the DC area (where I'll be in a few days) should call me for a free couch to crash on or a recommendation for the best $5 chinese food on the east coast.

July 26, 2002
    Been busy, but good.  On Tuesday I got to meet Seamus Heaney which was amazing.  Not only is he incredibly intelligent and well spoken, but is also the most down to earth person I've ever met.  He's the only poet I've ever heard who actually told the audience that they didn't need to pay attention if they didn't want to.  He called a poetry reading "daydreaming in sympathy with a sound."  By far the best poetry reading I've ever attended.  He rules.
    On the other extreme is John Banville.  He's an Irish novelist who is refered to as "the thinking man's John Banville."  He is by far the biggest jerk I have ever met.  He said Ulysses isn't meaningful enough, that there was no modernism in any American literature, and that Hemmingway wanted to be European because all his novels are set there.  Hello?  To Have and Have Not? Anyone!?  He is now high on my list of authors I want to punch and rates very, very low on the Holden Caufield call-the-author-on-the-phone scale.  Moreover, he's overrated.  His book isn't even that good.

July 19, 2002
    Back from Belfast.  Great trip.  Interesting city.  The whole idea of touring a city like Belfast (or Beirut, or lower Manhattan for that matter) is more than a little obscene when there's a nice safe dorm room at the end of the week.  But tour I did, and like a good postmodern objectifier, I took pictures of paramilitary murals, met an ex-sniper/Lord Mayor, and visited the most bombed city in the world.  (And you wonder why I'm writing a thesis on DeLillo.) Oh, Tourism!
    Parasitism aside, the trip was fascinating and, facile as it may be, there are no doubt lessons to be learned from the amazingly delicate situation there.  There's a real sense that despite anything else going on, there are six counties trapped in issues most of the western world sorted out a hundred and fifty years ago.  (The American situation not withstanding.)
    The north coast of Ireland is absurdly beautiful.  Many rolls of film expended there.  The whole place is on my list of places to go back to.  Grad school in the British Isles is looking better and better.
    The offending pictures should be on the site by now.  Enjoy your dose of simulacra!

July 13, 2002
    I finished my story for my workshop.  I'm a little worried that (a) it isn't very good and (b) everyone in my class is going to think I'm a psycho.  There's a lesson here: Never use autobiographical details in a story about voyeurism.  You can protest, but no one will believe you.  But if that's the price I have to pay for being done, so be it.  Now I'm off to what I'm told is a good jazz club.  Go that.
    I'm leaving for Belfast tomorrow, so yeah. That'll be good.

July 12, 2002
    Well, I have nine pages of writing to do.  Have I done any?  Yes.  Is it any good at all?  No.  So do I have to start over?  Yes.  Do I have any ideas? No. If anyone has any great short story ideas up their sleeve, please let me know.  I'd appreciate it.  Personally, I blame the situation on the writing instructors, who yesterday insisted that we celebrate the end of the first session by skipping the required lecture (required by them, no less) and meet them at the pub, for EIGHT HOURS.  It turns out Irish writers live up to their reputation.
    I wasn't kidding about those story ideas by the way.
 

July 11, 2002
    "In olden times it was the custom to punish the parricide . . . by casting him into the depths of the sea in a sack in which were placed a cock, a monkey, and a serpent."  - James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
  If Bush really wanted to get tough on corporate crime, this is what he would be pushing for as a penalty.  No more of this minimum security prison stuff.  Picture it.

        Bush: "Sorry Ken, but you know the rules.  Now into the bag.  The monkey is getting impatient."
        Ken Lay: "Damn you, Arthur Anderson!"
        Rhesus Monkey: "Eeeeeehh!!!  Eeeeeeh!"

    Just a thought.  Of course this would never happen since Cheney's heart would never make it through sentencing.
 

    July 10, 2002
    Well, if you're here then this site is up and runnng.  I'm pretty psyched.  This started off as a good way to show pictures to my parents without clogging my e-mail and grew from there.  It might be useless, it might be a waste of time, but hey, at least now I know how to set up an amaturish and generally pointelss site.  For some people this is a joke.  For an English/Theology major, it's a resume item.
    I actually do have work to do, so I'm going to go do it.  We are leaving for Belfast on Sunday, and we stay for a week, so perhaps nothing new until then. But who knows?